SummerSlam 1991

August 26, 1991 – New York, New York

Tonight’s show touts a Match Made in Heaven with the wedding of Macho Man Randy Savage and Elizabeth, and a Match Made in Hell between the teams of “The Triangle of Terror” Sgt. Slaughter, General Adnan, & Colonel Mustafa and Hulk Hogan & Ultimate Warrior w/ Sid Justice as the special referee.

Gorilla Monsoon welcomes us to SummerSlam for the first time since 1988, and he’s with Bobby Heenan and “Rowdy” Roddy Piper. Heenan says Savage is tying a knot in a noose around his neck because he’s getting married. Piper explains that the Match Made in Hell is truly that because you have the heels, then you have Hogan who hates Warrior and Warrior who hates everybody.

Match One – The Dragon, British Bulldog, and Texas Tornado vs. Power & Glory and Warlord w/ Slick

Of course, “The Dragon” is Ricky Steamboat, Bulldog is Davey Boy Smith, and Tornado is Kerry Von Erich. Power & Glory is Hercules and Paul Roma. Hercules looks a hell of a lot like a jacked up Jake Roberts.

Results: Dragon, Bulldog, and Tornado win via pinfall in about 11:00

What I Liked: Slick’s team look like a real team out there. The other guys look like a Jakks Classic Superstars action figure 3-pack.  Monsoon calls Power & Glory Herc and Jerk. I lold. This is a good 6-man tag match to kick off the show. The crowd loves the face team, and the heels are big dudes who can overpower their opponents. Steamboat is great in the “in peril” role, and the hot tag to Von Erich, followed by a second tag to Bulldog were great. The faces all hit their finishers to end the match, with Steamboat hitting the crossbody off the top to pick up the win. Again, it was a good way to kick off the show.

What I Didn’t Like: Warlord doesn’t like to fall down, and that really makes his participation in matches boring. Roma did most of the work in this match, which was fine, but c’mon dude. No one is going to think you’re a big wussypants if someone knocks you off your feet. This was Von Erich’s last SummerSlam appearance, as he left the company the following summer, and he died in 1993. It’s a real shame he wasn’t a bigger star in the WWF.

Backstage, Sean Mooney is with Intercontinental Champion Mr. Perfect and The Coach, his manager. Perfect tells Bret Hart that he’s excellent, but he’s not perfect.

Match Two (Intercontinental Championship) – Bret Hart vs. Mr. Perfect

Bret’s parents, Stu and Helen, are shown in the crowd.

Result: Bret Hart wins the Intercontinental Championship via submission in 18:00

What I Liked: These are two of the best wrestlers ever. That should be all I have to say about this one. Hart ripped Perfect’s singlet, and Earl Hebner is just glad no one is ripping his clothes off this time. So much about this match was great. It’s a classic, and one of the best Intercontinental Championship matches ever. Even without the win, Hart kicking out of the Perfect Plex was a great way to establish Hart as a top-tier singles wrestler. As we all know, he only got better and he was only about a year away from being cemented at or near the top of the card for the rest of his career. There was never a dull moment in this match. The finish, where Perfect went for a second leg drop to Hart’s gut, and Hart caught his leg to turn it into the Sharpshooter was well done. Perfect submitting immediately really put over the Sharpshooter as a devastating submission hold. Also, I think this was the first submission victory in SummerSlam history.

What I Didn’t Like: I really don’t like Piper on commentary. At all. That was only thing I didn’t like about this. It wasn’t a perfect match, but it was fantastic.

Post-match, Hart rips the rest of Perfect’s singlet off, for whatever reason. Lord Alfred Hayes is in the crowd with Hart’s parents, and he sticks a mic in Stu’s face to ask for a comment. Stu starts to speak, and Hayes interrupts to say he’s speechless. The hell? Hayes is a moron.

A video package about a PPV event, Hulk Hogan: A Real American Story, is shown. I never saw that. I probably didn’t miss too much.

Backstage, Mean Gene Okerlund is with The Bushwhackers and Andre the Giant, who will be in their corner during their match against the Natural Disasters because Earthquake attacked him, taking him out of action. (Andre’s in-ring career was done, so that gave him a storyline to explain it.)

Match Three – Natural Disasters w/ Jimmy Hart vs. The Bushwhackers w/ Andre the Giant

Result: Natural Disasters win via pinfall in 6:30

What I Liked: At least it didn’t last very long.

What I Didn’t Like: This is just a really slow match that should have ended about five minutes sooner than it did.

Post-match, the Disasters went after Andre, who was ready to fight them, but LOD came down to stare at them. Andre got some shots in with his crutches as the Disasters walked away.

Backstage, Bobby Heenan is at “Hulk Hogan’s dressing room,” which has a piece of white paper with the word “Hulk” duct taped to it. Ya know, so you can tell it’s his. Heenan has the Big Gold belt, and he challenges Hogan on behalf of the “Real World’s Champion,” Ric Flair. The door gets slammed in Heenan’s face, and he’s embarrassed and irritated.

Sean Mooney is with Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase and Sherri, discussing his upcoming Million Dollar Title match against Virgil. DiBiase was either crying during a video package of him demeaning Virgil, or he splashed water on his face. He says things to Virgil. Whatever, I don’t care about Virgil. Just saying.

Match Four (Million Dollar Championship) – Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase w/ Sherri vs. Virgil

Result: Virgil wins the Million Dollar Championship via pinfall in a little over 13:00

What I Liked: Virgil is super energetic, which is the exact opposite of how he’s been for the last four years, or so. The crowd loves him, mostly because they hate DiBiase. The crowd went nuts for Virgil putting DiBiase in the Million Dollar Dream. I really enjoyed watching DiBiase taunt Piper while he beat the dogsnot out of Virgil.

What I Didn’t Like: There’s no reason why DiBiase shouldn’t wipe the floor with Virgil, who is an inexperienced wrestler.  I’m so ridiculously tired of Sherri and her Purse of Instant Doom. How can the referee made the decision to not disqualify DiBiase after Sherri’s interference? He can just make up the rules as he goes along? Where is Jesse Ventura when we need him?  DiBiase ended up beating the balls off Virgil, but Virgil dinged DiBiase’s head on the turnbuckle, and apparently killed him. This was supposed to be a feel-good moment for Virgil and the crowd. My personal bias as a DiBiase fan just made it irritating. Oh well.

Backstage, Okerlund is with The Mountie and some NYC cops. We see video of The Mountie touching Boss Man with his little red stick while some “electric” noises play over the speakers. I’m pretty good at suspending disbelief, but the cattle prod was always silly to me. And I was 5.

Mooney is with Boss Man to talk about his Jailhouse Match with The Mountie. Someone is going to jail tonight. Oh gosh.

Match Five (Jailhouse Match) – The Mountie w/ Jimmy Hart vs. Big Boss Man

Result: Big Boss Man wins via pinfall in about 9:30

What I Liked: Monsoon says this one is going to be a classic. I doubt it. Jimmy Hart is the only person who has the balls to wear airbrushed suits with the names of the people he manages, and they’re so loud and obnoxious that they look great on him. Monsoon called Jimmy Hart a walking advertisement for birth control.

What I Didn’t Like: The crowd gives approximately zero shits about this match. Based on the history between these two, this should be a fast-paced no-DQ brawl, where they just fight each other until someone gets knocked out. The first few minutes have just been plodding, and I think that zapped the crowd that was actually excited for Boss Man’s entrance. The Mountie kicked out of Boss Man’s finish, but Boss Man immediately beat him with an Alabama Slam. Why?

Post-match, New York’s finest come out to handcuff The Mountie and lead him away. What’s interesting about this is that The Mountie did nothing illegal, yet he is being arrested and taken to jail for not winning a fight.

Okerlund is in the locker room with DiBiase and Sherri, and they’re livid and stuff.

Mooney is backstage with the new Intercontinental Champion, Bret Hart who says Mr. Perfect just wasn’t good enough.

Okerlund is in the locker room with the Natural Disasters. Earthquake has taken the straps down on his singlet. Gross. They’re mad at LOD for coming out during their match.

Mooney is with Boss Man, and I guess this is our “4 dozen backstage interview segments” portion of the show. Boss Man asks Mooney what kind of bird can’t fly. Mooney is a moron, so he doesn’t give any of the correct answers, so Boss Man says, “Jailbird!” Look out, now!

Okerlund is trying to get a word with Randy Savage, who is decked out in ridiculous wedding attire, but Savage is too busy talking on the 900-number. Okerlund wants to go to Elizabeth’s dressing room, but Savage stops him, so Okerlund suggests we take a 5-minute break. Good. I need one.

Hey, that was NOT five minutes…

At jail (I know, right?), The Mountie is very upset about being there. He’s The Mountie!

In the locker room, Mooney is with Jimmy Hart and The Nasty Boys. Jerry Sags claims that LOD and Jack Tunney “coagulated” to make the match no-DQ, no count-out. Sure. LOD is going to Nastyville, apparently. Brian Knobbs says something that’s probably stupid. Jimmy Hart is hysterical about The Mountie being in jail. Whatevs.

Okerlund is with LOD. Animal rambles about something, then Hawk brings the intensity and talks about beating Hart’s two teams. Pretty standard stuff. Then NYC cops do the worst fingerprinting job ever on The Mountie.

Now Mooney is with “The Triangle of Terror,” Sgt. Slaughter, Col. Mustafa, and Gen. Adnan. Lolz, Slaughter called Mooney “puke face.” Then he says they might have a surprise for The Ultimate Puke and The Immortal Slime Hulk Hogan.

Okerlund is with Sid, who had his wallet, his keys, his softball bat, and his knees were in good shape. No reason to miss this one. Okerlund shows a video of Sid “conferring with the Triangle of Terror,” and it’s clear that Sid is all like “Nah, I can’t do that…” These people are idiots. Finally it’s match time.

Match Six (Tag Team Championship) – The Nasty Boys vs. Legion of Doom

Result: LOD wins the Tag Team Championship via pinfall in 7:45

What I Liked: Sags went to hit Animal with Jimmy Hart’s helmet, but Animal moved out of the way. He stopped before he hit Knobbs, then cracked Animal across the back. I lold. It was a short match, but the crowd popped huge when LOD hit the Doomsday Device. The titles changed hands from heel to babyface in every championship match on this show. Hogan is the world champion, so his belt isn’t on the line. But this didn’t happen often.

What I Didn’t Like: The announcers were too busy bickering with each other to comment on how Sags just basically spraypainted Hawk’s face. I don’t understand why these guys aren’t all just going at it, since there are no disqualifications. There wasn’t much to this match. They should’ve had something like a street fight so all four men could be involved at the same time. This could have been a really fun brawl, but it was just kinda meh.

More Mountie nonsense happens. I’m tired of it.

Match Seven – Irwin R. Schyster vs. Greg “The Hammer” Valentine

Result: IRS wins via pinfall in about 7:00

What I Liked: Heenan makes a good point at the beginning, saying “This’ll be a good match.” Both of these guys are good wrestlers. Neither are super exciting guys, but they can go. This will be the piss break for most of the crowd, though. Danny Davis is the ref for this one. He’s not being very Dangerous.

What I Didn’t Like: Hammer isn’t wearing his “Hart Breaker” shin guard, which makes me sad. The match wasn’t bad, but the crowd was totally dead. This was basically the only match that didn’t have something at stake, so no one was bothering with it. The finish—figure-four counter into a small package—didn’t get any reaction.

Backstage, Okerlund is with Hulk Hogan and Ultimate Warrior. This ought to be interesting. Wow, Hogan is letting his ego run wild in this one. Ultimate Warrior says this:

”*snarl*HO, LOAD IT DOWN HOKESTER LOAD IT DOWN READY TO GO DOWN INTO THE PIT! ONE STRIKE FROM A COBRA IS NOT ENOUGH TO HOLD DOWN THE FORCE OF HULKAMANIA AND THE POWER OF WARRIOR WILDNESS! WE WILL NOT COME BY TANK OR BY AIR BUT WE WILL WALK SIDE BY SIDE AND LEAVE FOUR FOOTSTEPS BEHIND AS ALL THE WARRIORS AND HULKAMANIACS JUMP ON OUR BACKS PREPARE YOURSELVES TO GO DOWN TO THE COOP OF WARRIOR WILDNESS AND HULKAMANIA HULK HOGAN AND THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR WALK INTO THIS BATTLE TO LEAVE AS WE WALK IN AS THE SAME AHHH!”

Match Made in Hell – Sgt. Slaughter, Col. Mustafa, & Gen. Adnan vs. Ultimate Warrior and Hulk Hogan (Guest Referee: Sid Justice)

In case you don’t know, Col. Mustafa is Iron Sheik

Result: Hogan and Warrior win via pinfall in almost 13:00

What I Liked: Once Mustafa got in the ring, there was a pretty cool moment (because they’re in MSG) where he put Hogan in the camel clutch. I’m sure he would have break his back and f**k in his ass and raisin balls, but Warrior came in for the save. The best part about this match was Hogan winning by throwing 10 pounds of baby powder in Slaughter’s face, rendering him instantly dead. Then Hogan hit the leg drop, but he coulda covered him after the baby powder, I’m sure.

What I Didn’t Like: The Dadstardly Back Scratch is probably the least devastating heel move ever. Do these guys prep for their matches by not clipping their fingernails? Slaughter tried to carry this match, and it just wasn’t fair. None of the guys in this match should really be tasked with carrying a match on their shoulders. The announcers spent half the match trying to figure out if Sid was choosing sides. Good grief. The whole match was kinda infuriating because they were trying to tell too many different stories—the 3-on-2 numbers game, whether Sid is being impartial, Hogan/Warrior as an inexperienced team. In theory, that would be interesting. In reality it’s just a jumbled mess.

Post-match, Hogan posed with Sid, I guess as a way to put him over as a top babyface. Clearly Hogan wasn’t aware that Sid was already the Master and Ruler of the world.

At jail, gay jokes. Ugh.

We get a video package recapping what happened to lead up to the Match Made in Heaven. In other words, we see Savage propose to Elizabeth again. I remember watching when this happened, and the crowd was crazy for it. Fortunately, we had Vince McMahon and Roddy Piper running their GD mouths the whole time, because they don’t know when to shut the hell up and let actions speak for themselves. By the way, Elizabeth’s answer when Savage asked her to marry him was “Ohhhh yeaahh!” Oh no. Now we have a video package tribute to Elizabeth and Randy Savage set to some cheesy duet. The song was on the WWE music Anthology that came out like a decade ago.

Match Made in Heaven – Macho Man Randy Savage vs. Elizabeth, or whatever

Result: Mr. and Mrs. Savage become Macho Man and wife in about 7:00

What I Liked: Savage his wearing a hat with a giant feather in it. Heenan: “Why do they always call the second guy the best man?” Piper: “Heenan.” Heenan: “I’m just asking a question.” Who are these people in the wedding party? I think this is the first and only wrestling wedding to ever happen where the participants were both willing, and the happy couple’s wedding happened without someone coming out and ruining it.

What I Didn’t Like: Again with the non-stop commentary. Whose idea was it to hold a wedding as the main event of a wrestling PPV? Just saying. This was fine—it was a touching moment that you really don’t see very often, and it led to Savage stepping back in the ring for feuds with Jake “The Snake” Roberts and Ric Flair. What you don’t see on this is the reception, where Roberts and Undertaker crash the party. It scared the shit out of me as a kid.

 

Final Thoughts: Eh, the two moments that really stand out from this show are the excellent Intercontinental Championship match and the Savage-Elizabeth wedding. It was a very feel-good PPV, with the exception of the Natural Disasters beating the Bushwhackers. But everybody beat the Bushwhackers. I think the Bolsheviks beat the Bushwhackers. The Mountie stuff was awful. I guess, having been a police officer, watching someone not want to go to jail is not the least bit entertaining—it just irritated the shit out of me, and I wish they would’ve just pepper sprayed him, or something. The “main event” match was beyond underwhelming, but at least we know Sgt. Slaughter’s greatest weakness, now. (See WrestleMania XIV.) This was Hogan’s last SummerSlam for 14 years. Wow.

As usual, let me know what you thought of the show and/or the recap. There’s always room for improvement here.  Next up is the show from Wembley Stadium in ’92. I’m looking forward to watching that show again. Thanks for reading.

The Rankings:

SummerSlam 89 (Savage/Zeus v. Hogan/Beefcake)

SummerSlam 91 (Match Made in Heaven)

SummerSlam 90 (Rude v. Warrior)

SummerSlam 88 (DiBiase/Andre v. Hogan/Savage)