No, seriously WWE, what's the REAL news? What's the shocking information that was so urgent you had to blast the words BREAKING NEWS across the headlines to garner as much attention as possible?

It couldn't be the announcement of a pretty-much-already-retired 61-year-old commentator. That wouldn't really be BREAKING NEWS. That's just...well... news. That's dinner conversation kind of stuff.

"Hey, did you hear Jim Ross retired?"

"I thought he retired a few years ago?"

"Apparently not."

"Huh."

That's not BREAKING NEWS worthy. BREAKING NEWS would be if you told us The Miz was shot out of a cannon into a sea of snapping turtles that only eat penises. Now that is shocking, "HOLY SHIT" level of news. That's the kind of thing you BREAK for.

So let's try this again, WWE. What is your breaking news?

From WWE.com:

WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross announced that he is retiring from WWE today, after 20 years of service, to focus on his personal business endeavors.

Jim has had a long and storied career at WWE, both on the corporate staff as well as his television persona, calling some of the most memorable matches in WWE history as the voice of Monday Night Raw and SmackDown for more than two decades. He made his debut with WWE at WrestleMania IX in 1993 and was inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame in 2007 by his long-time friend “Stone Cold” Steve Austin.

Jim has made many contributions to WWE and the sports-entertainment industry, and we thank him for his many years of service and wish him well.

...

No seriously, what is it?

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