Welcome to your Friday Headlines, straight from the news desk. I'm your humble correspondent, Arnold Babar.

Even though the United States government is in a state of shutdown, that does not mean that your weekend wrestling rumors have ceased as well. We have a full boat for your Friday, beginning with one of the biggest returns in professional wrestling history. I am not speaking of Bruno Sammartino appearing in a WWE ring (passé), Hulk Hogan jumping ship from TNA to WWE (yawn), or even the reformation of Cryme Tyme. No, ladies and gentleman, I refer to the potential return of...Stacy F'N Keibler.

No less a reputable source than the National Enquirer has reported that the former future Mrs. Clooney would consider a return to World Wrestling Entertainment for a one-time only appearance in exchange for lots of cold, hard cash. According to the report, Keibler is blowing through stacks of green like it's going out of style and is so accustomed to her lavish lifestyle that she would do the unthinkable and return to the squared circle.

Readers may remember that Keibler previously stated in a 2009 interview with The Baltimore Sun that she had her management contact the WWE unsuccessfully regarding a potential return. News also surfaced over this past summer that Miss Hancock was apparently interested in a ring redux, but just as quickly shot down by both parties.

It's not often that Friday Headlines gets such a well-researched and logical story as its lead. In other news, Bigfoot is alive and living in West Virginia, a half-boy, half-bat creature was born to the Rolands of West End, and Elvis just released a brand new single. For your reporter's part, he's still thoroughly confused as to why Keibler hasn't been able to salt away at least some of her revenue from those fudge stripe cookies. (Torch)

So yes, Virginia, there is no more of this to be had:


 
Friday Headlines congratulates Trish Stratus. And misses Molly Holly.

While we're (sort of) on the subject of lingerie, that's precisely one of the potential options for an upcoming DVD from the WWE. The esteemed organization has routinely sent out surveys for potential upcoming titles, and Bra and Panties matches have joined the proposed slate of stellar fare alongside the likes of Best of the Slammys and Santino Comedy Hour.

I'm not quite sure when the WWE archives have reached their maximum capacity, but today just might be that day. At some point Titan Tower became the new launching pad for the next round of Dean Martin roasts. Not to dismiss the most excellent potential options here, but Friday Headlines humbly submits that just because it happened doesn't make it a collectible. (Rajah)

Should the Bra and Panties DVD get a production thumbs up, it had damn well better include this:


 
How unlike Teddy Long to turn things into a tag team match. Holla!

When will The Undertaker return to the ring? That question has been on the mouths and minds of wrestling fans everywhere since The Shield unceremoniously put Mr. McCool through a table post-WrestleMania. According to a recent report, that return date could come as soon as Survivor Series, depending on his health.

It would certainly not be surprising to see Taker make his return at either the Series or The Royal Rumble, as both of those big events would be giant draws for the ring legend and set him up perfectly for whatever WrestleMania match he'll be doing this year. Whether the Deadman settles his score with The Shield before settling into that program is a question we don't yet have an answer to. I for one would also like to challenge The Shield simply for allowing Kane to go make another movie.

As to anyone foaming at the mouth for the return of the American Badass, it's understandable. WWE is a bit short on mega-watt stars at the moment and Taker's presence is formidable. He's also put on some of the better matches on most recent WM cards. Resist the urge, however, for less is more. A sprinkling of Taker during the year allows him to heal up and continue to perform. Too much and he might be joining Austin and Michaels on the sidelines. (INC)

Might we be seeing a face turn for Friday Headlines favorite Antonio Cesaro? According to the rumor mill, the answer is a decided yes. Reports say Cesaro's tremendously fun and retro giant swing move is so over with the viewing public that they are considering breaking up his Real Americans team with Jack Swagger and turning him full-fledged face to capitalize on it.

Your reporter cares not which proverbial side of the coin Cesaro is on, provided that it gets him one step closer to having meaningful matches for a change. Cesaro portrays such an excellent heel, though, that this move smacks of being just a bit premature. One would hope that some poor soul in WWE's creative lair has just a smidgen of patience, but perhaps that is a bit much to ask.

I just hope Cesaro gets to use the giant swing on Dolph Ziggler before this potential about-face, so to speak. Mr. Ziggles would still be selling the dizziness come Christmas. (Rajah)

Friday Headlines enjoys Wade Barrett as much as the next bloke, so your reporter was ecstatic to see that he may be off television in order to be repackaged. The WWE has never seemingly figured out exactly what to do with the British brawler, but according to recent rumors he may be unveiled using the Bad News Barrett gimmick he has been doing on the JBL & Cole Show.

If you're excited about those possibilities and have not seen the gimmick, Friday Headlines has braved it for you. Barrett marches up to some B-movie star like Hornswoggle or the makeup lady and tells them...wait for it...bad news. While this might be a slightly more effective gimmick than Fandango, it's a far cry from Bad News Brown. One thing is for sure, however; should Bad News Barrett ever turn up in TNA, he'd have a lot of chatting ahead of him. (INC)

You're the man, Wade, but this is decidedly a tough act to follow:


 
Continuing the trend of very good talent with not very much to do in the WWE these days, it appears that Rob Van Dam's loss just might be Damien Sandow's gain. Recent rumors have WWE brass planning a run with the World Title for Mr. Money In the Bank due to RVD's uncertain status with the organization. Given that Van Dam has been involved in a lengthy feud with champ Alberto Del Rio, the thought process would be that Sandow could then kick off a feud which would keep ADR in the spotlight where he is apparently wanted.

This seems complicated enough to undoubtedly be true. I'm not sure who would be the heel in that potential match, but putting a title on one of the more entertaining characters in the WWE would be just fine with me. Certainly Sandow would bring more entertainment and pizazz to the belt than Del Rio, who's very good in the ring but boring as hell. The same report suggests that RVD might win at Battleground just to be pinned by Sandow cashing in his briefcase.

Regardless of the outcome, it's quite definite that Rob Van Dam will be away from the WWE for a bit post-Battleground, so putting the strap on Sandow makes sense from that perspective. I'm amazed that he's managed to be so entertaining while barely ever winning anything besides that ladder match. Well done, sir. (Rajah)

Finally, no less a power than Stephanie McMahon is apparently upset over the "feud" between herself and Dusty Rhodes. Currently embroiled in a storyline that has overshadowed the front page Daniel Bryan/Randy Orton affair, Dusty got himself into authentic hot water with Steph when he put his hand into her face on their promo this past Monday and cut her off.

Considering that the moment where the senior Rhodes did exactly that and responded to Triple H was the best part of said promo, it would surprise your reporter in no way whatsoever that Mrs. Trips didn't like it. It also explains very succinctly and simply the difference between the old and new school approaches. Dusty's delivery was excellent precisely because it seemed unplanned and from the heart. Triple H sounds like he's reading from cue cards with quite a few capital letters.

As for Steph, she's already been busted with notes on her hand. Look past the ego and recognize that sometimes the best stuff is unscripted, particularly in wrestling. Friday Headlines most humbly suggests she jot that down on her palm for later. (INC)

That clears the news desk for this Friday, ladies and gentlemen. I'd like to thank you for taking time to read the dirt of the day. As always, chime into the conversation roiling in the depths below or send off turkey brining recipes and pulp fiction references to @coffeyfan77. Have a great weekend and I'll see you Tuesday!