Welcome to your Friday Headlines, straight from the news desk. I'm your humble correspondent, Humbert Humbert.
Disappointed that Triple H wasn't among the recent terminations at WWE Headquarters? Never fear, Friday Headlines still has plenty of news about the Wizard of Schnoz. We lead off this weekend's edition of all the news that's print to fit by discussing HHH's angry reaction during this week's Raw broadcast. Was it the quality of Raw? The introduction of Kane as Isaac Yankem in a Men's Wearhouse suit? The thumbs down by WWE Studios of Chaperone 2? None of the above, it was timing issues.
As those of you that watched Raw (or read the editor's recap, cheap pop!) know, the "main event" of Big Show confronting Mr. Chips and Mrs. Trips contained a rather odd commercial break when The Shield made their appearance. Reportedly, Hunter was fired up because he had yet to reveal that the Big Show's extremely brief ban from the company resulted in a WWE Title shot against Randy Orton at Survivor Series. So that happened. (Rajah)
Far be it from your scribe to suggest that the anger at production seems a teensy bit misplaced. Perhaps the rage should be directed at whoever thought viewers would be patiently sticking around to watch a staredown? For the few that did not see it, I present Helmsley's Hemorrhage. Hide the children.
Speaking of Survivor Series, Friday Headlines has a couple of potential adjustments for you that may impact the final card. The latest information from the rumor mill is that the expected Wyatt Family vs. CM Punk & Daniel Bryan match may not be a traditional 4-on-4 elimination affair after all. The most recent iteration has Erick Rowan and Luke Harper teaming up to take on Punk & Bryan in a standard tag team match.
In addition, the WWE Tag Team Titles will likely be defended by reigning champions Goldust and brother Cody Rhodes, taking on challengers the Real Americans. It is further rumored that The Shield and/or The Usos may be joining in on this match as well. Because, as you know, there's nothing better with tag teams than dumping them all in the same contest. (Rajah)
Friday Headlines admits that finding a fourth for the current Wyatt Family roster might have been a bit of a stumper. Finding two brave souls to partner with The Best and The Beard would be far less challenging: you're essentially looking for elimination cannon fodder that former wronged parties such as The Miz, Kofi Kingston, and R. Truth could easily provide. With these ideas in mind, we humbly submit the latest member of the Wyatt Family: Missy Wyatt. Low-cut tops, sexual harassment, AND the possibility of a John Tatum sighting? Sign us up!
As to the aforementioned Daniel Bryan, there is essentially no shock and awe on the McMahon (Wendi) Richter scale regarding the recent news that some of the blame for the poor SummerSlam buyrate (discussed in last week's headlines) is falling on the shoulders of the "Yes!" man himself. As viewers and readers have undoubtedly noticed, Mr. Bryan has taken a significant step back in his quest for glory by being hustled out of the main event picture in favor of The Big Show.
As to the reasoning why, it's obviously conjecture, but the usual hemming and hawing appears to be filtering its way out of the WWE front office. Phrases like "too small" and "too average" have made their way into the national consciousness. Considering that's essentially the same promo Trips has cut on Bryan for the last six months, I'll assume you don't need a minute to sit down and adjust to that breaking news. WWE now plans to focus on their "larger than life" characters when it comes to the top of the card. (Rajah)
Refreshing to know that size and personality trump talent every day of the week at Titan Tower. Friday Headlines has this reaction from sane fans everywhere:
On the Divas side of the coin, it's time for another round of everyone's favorite weekend game show, Guess Who Hates Eva Marie? Your contestants are: (A) No WWE Employees, (B) Some WWE Employees, or (C) All WWE Employees not named Eva Marie.
If you guessed (C), you win! Your canned ham is in the mail. According to reports, the decision to fast track Eva Marie onto the main roster instead of other talent like NXT workers Emma and Paige has many in the company completely befuddled. This follows a bevy of reports about the scarlet-haired chanteuse, most of which regard her on-screen persona on Total Divas as something she is playing in the "reality" of the WWE as well. Friday Headlines confesses to DVR fast-forwarding through any in-ring action featuring Ms. Marie, so we'll refrain from further comment. (NoDQ)
Friday Headlines will, however, be more than fine with an endless loop of this:
In other future divas news, Cody Rhodes's new wife will potentially be gracing the inside of a WWE ring in the very short term as well. Brandi Runnels is reportedly back with the company and has reported to the Performance Center in Orlando as of this past Monday. Brandi is expected to compete this time around as Brandi Rhodes, and that's one very large hint about why you might be seeing her sooner rather than later.
Given the dominance and heat generated by the Rhodes Family storyline as a major part of WWE programming for the past few months, this would definitely add yet another dimension to things. One can only hope she comes to the ring accompanied by Looking Glass theme music. (Rajah)
Finally, because Friday Headlines is well aware of everyone's love of all things Hulkamania, it appears that the recent report in The Examiner which claimed that the WWE and Hulk Hogan had "verbally agreed" on a deal that would see him return to the company in time for WrestleMania may have been a bit premature. (Insert bald joke here.) (Rajah)
While the rumor mill does suggest that the two parties have had discussions, current scuttlebutt is that no official agreement has yet been reached. Fear not though, dear readers, as there is a temporary remedy for those of you craving your daily dose of HH:
That should tide you over for another week or two. That clears the news desk for this weekend, ladies and gentlemen. I'd like to thank you for taking time to read the dirt of the day. As always, chime into the conversation roiling in the depths below or fire off Rorschach blots or Mike Doughty song references to me via Twitter @DharmanRockwell or email at email@example.com. Have a great weekend and I'll see you Tuesday!