22:27 EST, South Jersey
Lonestar’s crappy flip phone starts vibrating. He ignores it and grabs another cookie.
22:28 EST, South Jersey
Lonestar’s crappy flip phone vibrates again. The sound of a chimpanzee screaming erupts from the speakers of his computer. He has received an email from Andrew Johnson.
“Listen here you worthless son of a bitch! You better pick up your phone when I call you next time, I don’t care how hopped up on cookies you are! I just found your top headline for tomorrow. Make it happen. Fail me again and I’ll replace you with my hamster.”
So.....see above picture.
This is it, the picture, the moment where C M Punk stopped being a wrestler and became a legend. Forget the Straight Edge Society, forget the pipe bombs, forget the extended series of sexual interactions with attractive female wrestlers, this is C M Punk’s greatest achievement, training in Jiu-Jitsu with Al freakin’ Bundy.
I’ll let that sink in.
C M Punk got to train in Jiu-Jitsu with Al Bundy. Who has a black belt, for the record, because of course he does. Who is exposing a good third of chest in this picture just to remind America and the rest of the world what a 66 year old badass’s chest looks like. Who I’m going to assume gave Punk a new tattoo of Kelly Bundy with his fist underneath that black shirt Punk is wearing. Who I’m going to assume convinced the dude to Punk’s left to convince his fiancé to quit the WWE and become the Queen of Jiu-Jitsu because Bundy was sick of looking at the other dude in this picture. Who I’m going to assume once put a triangle choke on death and taxes and a kimura on a chimera.
You could also say this is photographic evidence of Punk’s best day ever.
Seriously, the only way this picture could get any better for Punk is if Batman was in it, and I mean early “The Animated Series” Batman. The best Batman.
IN OTHER NEWS:
Brock Lesnar has been offered a contract extension. Rajah.com If I was the WWE I’d write in a clause prohibiting Lesnar the use of the word “feeling” during a promo.
TNA’s lawsuit against the WWE over stealing talent or whatever has been dismissed. Rajah.com And all it cost the WWE was Christian again. Him and his dignity.
Justin Credible is 60 days sober. Rajah.com That’s excellent. I say we all root for 60 more and then 60 more after that.
The WWE has signed All-American Collegiate wrestler Clayton Jack to a developmental deal. Rajah.com I checked, he’s not just Jack Swagger in a mustache.
And that’s the news! Enjoy your weekend. Smoke em if you got em! But really don't, that's gross.