Greetings Humanoids. I’m Mr. Friday, Lonestar Takei, and these are today’s top stories.

Chris Jericho, Canada’s 2nd greatest export and current WWE superstar, recently gave an interview with the website iconvsicon.com in which he revealed information about his schedule that might just deflate a certain website owner’s weekly Canadagasm.

"I came back to the WWE and as of August 14, 2012, when "Sin and Bones" comes out, we go on the road with the Uproar Tour. At that time, I am done with the WWE and it is full-time with Fozzy until the album cycle and touring is done," Credit: Rajah.com

Ohmygodyouguys I can’t wait for this comedy album with Chris Jericho and Fozzie Bear! I mean, I thought Mick Foley would be a more natural partner for Fozzie’s schtick but with his acting chops I think Jericho will work out just fine. I bet he even wears a Pork Pie hat!

*Reads his notes again*

Oh…….nevermind. Mr. Jericho’s statement is a bit confusing and apparently contradicts his wrestling commitments.

A SmackDown taping is scheduled for August 14 in Austin, Texas. Contrary to his statement, WWE.com is advertising Jericho to appear at SummerSlam, which takes place five days later in Los Angeles, California. The official website of the Save Mart Center in Fresno, California is advertising Jericho for the following night's Raw show.

Card subject to change, bitches. Seriously though, I’ll be sad if Jericho’s gone for good but the guy has said so many things to the media and through twitter that turned out to not be exactly true that it’s hard for me to believe anything he says about running off and singing in his theoretical metal band. I mean, this is the dude that pinkie swore those weird vignettes with the little kids weren’t about him.

Jericho also said he would be writing his third book while on tour with his band. Personally I hope it’s more Around the World in Spandex and less Undisputed. Call me crazy but Drunk-icho was kind of a dick.

IN OTHER NEWS:

The Rock was very friendly with everyone backstage at Raw 1000. Rajah.com Yeah, I’d be pretty friendly too if my night’s itinerary involved the phrase “Get hit in face with knee.”

The WWE’s quarterly financial report has hit the web and with it all sorts of boring fun statistics. One of the more interesting bits is that WWE has a 20% or less stake in Tout. Rajah.com So yes, believe it or not this is the WWE’s promotion with only a 20% percent commitment. I shudder to think what 100 percent might entail but I imagine the classic wrestling phrase “down your throat” could be applicable.

In that same report, Vince McMahon said he hopes to make an announcement about the WWE Network in the next quarter. Last quarter he basically said the same thing. Rajah.com It’s good to know that a multi-millon dollar company uses the same excuses I use for not getting to the laundry.

NXT doesn’t actually air on local television in Florida. Rajah.com My head just explode.