Hello once again and welcome to the wonderful wasteland world that is Friday Headlines. Today we were graced with the release of the WWE’s first quarter financial numbers as well as a conference call with Vince McMahon. Here’s what I’m wondering. Why does it take so long for them to calculate the numbers? I mean, it’s been over a month since the first quarter ended. What are they using to figure it all out? Counting on their fingers? A TI-83 graphing calculator that my mom had to buy me for AP Calculus which is a subject that I am 100% confident I have never used since high school? An abacus?

Things are looking pretty good for WWE so far this year on the financial front. First quarter revenues sat at a pretty 123.1 million, which is up from 119.9 million at the same time last year. Operating income was 16 million which is up from 13.2 million in Q1 2011, which sounds like some sort of robot that Vince McMahon would have invented in order to service himself…sexually. That got weird quick.

Vinnie Mac himself commented on the earnings, stating that he believed the higher numbers were due to expanding into the new market of the Middle East as well as strong performance by their live events, especially WrestleMania. It’s thought that WrestleMania will reach almost 1.3 million buys. I guess vaguely homoerotic staring and breakfast cereals can sell a pay per view after all. (Prowrestling.net)

While we’re talking about live events, there’s something to note about pay per view buyrates. Royal Rumble 2012 did 443k buys, which is down from 446k in 2011 and 462k in 2010. The Elimination pay per view (Big Johnny’s words, not mine) did 178k buys which is down from 199k in 2011 and a whopping 285k in 2010. This prompted me to look up the 2010 edition of Elimination Chamber and remember that it was a painfully mediocre show highlighted by the fact that Undertaker competed in a match that wasn’t WrestleMania. Jason Powell of Prowrestling.net notes that High Definition feeds are the reason the revenues have largely stayed the same despite the amount of purchases dropping. That’s right, the same thing that is responsible for WWE’s revenue power is the same thing that exposes us all to R-Truth’s weird skin and Brodus Clay’s hypnotic rippling powers. (Prowrestling.net)

Now, let’s get to the conference call itself. As usual, Vince McMahon hosted. I wonder if when he hosts these calls, he puts on his glasses and has to use that phone with the giant numbers that he used during McMahon’s Money Millions Giveaway Publisher’s Clearing House Spectacular STAGE EXPLODING Sweepstakes Super! A large portion of the conference call revolved around the WWE Network, or as I like to call it, the WWE NOTWork. HAHAHA! These are the type of jokes you get when it’s Thursday night and I ate salmon for dinner so it doesn’t absorb the alcohol as well as something like bread or potatoes. I’m joking. I didn’t eat dinner.

There were multiple mentions by both Vinnie Mac (anyone else ever want to call him Little Mac from Mike Tyson’s Punch Out?) and George Barrios, the CFO of WWE, of how they are looking at multiple strategies for how to get the Network up and running. Vince finally relented and told a caller that they are looking at a timeline of less than three months before they announce their distribution partners. He also fully admitted that the holdup is on WWE’s end and not cable distributors. I think this is a smart move by WWE. They’re not rushing into this and are taking their time to make sure it’s done right. Either that, or it’s all a swerve and the Network will be revealed to be nothing more than Vince McMahon in a brown robe. I can sense I’m losing some of our younger readers here.

Other highlights include… not much except for them tooting their own horns about social media or something. Conference calls are nothing more than the WWE Did You Know things on Raw for guys in suits who like to talk about things like equity, income tax, and suits. (Prowrestling.net)

IN OTHER NEWS

Scott Steiner is still tweeting. Yep. (Lordsofpain)

Eric Bischoff finally responded and said something about fried chicken and then I stopped reading because I need my brain to not explode because I want to go watch Community, Thursday at 8 on NBC. (Lordsofpain)

A.W. has officially signed Primo, Epico, and Rosa Mendes to his “All World” talent agency, according to an announcement by WWE.com on Thursday. Thus ends weeks of non-speculation and absolute certainty of how this would all play out. Seriously though, I think this could be a lot of fun. Abraham Washington has charisma to spare and could be an interesting tweener character for his stable to interact with. Plus, something about tag team legitimacy and such. (SEScoops)

Konnan and Kurt Angle seem to have some sort of Twitter… I don’t want to call it battle, so let’s use a fun word like skirmish. Apparently Konnan once told a story about how Kurt Angle once told HIM a story about Vince McMahon sending him flowers every week and begging him to come back to WWE. Kurt Angle denied this on Twitter and called Konnan a liar. Konnan responded by making a music video about it, which will air on WCW Nitro this coming Monday night. Also, if Vince wanted to get Angle back by sending him gifts, he should send something useful like a few pounds of muscle. (SEScoops)

I think that’s enough mediocre jokes for one day. Thanks for reading, enjoy the weekend articles here at TJRWrestling.com, and I’ll see you next week!

Cody D.

CodyDFeedback@gmail.com

www.twitter.com/thegreatcody