Good morning Humanoids. I am Lonestar Stormborn and these are today’s top stories.

Philly-based independent wrestling promotion/living cartoon show Chikara Pro-wrestling continues to announce teams for its “King of Trios” weekend, the yearly three day event that sees 3-person teams of wrestlers fight each other for the last pepperoni pizza lean pocket or whatever it is they give the team that wins. Notable names already on the card include Tommy Dreamer, Jerry Lynn, the former Generation Me, Colt Cabana’s alter ego “Matt Classic”, and Meng. Yes, God-damn Meng is going to wrestle for Chikara. The latest team to be announced comes straight from the terrible part of the mid 90s WWF roster to bitch-slap your mind! It’s the 1-2-3 Kid, Tatanka, and Aldo Montaya.

If you recall, Aldo Montoya was future ECW Champion Justin Credible wearing a yellow jockstrap and pretending to be a Portuguese Man O’ War, which if I know my marine biology (and I do), is a weird kind of communal jellyfish…..thing. Now that I think about it, Aldo Montoya is probably the perfect addition to a roster of wrestlers that includes a baseball player, demons, a kinetic ball of energy, six different ants and whatever the hell this is.

The fact that I’ve heard of two out of three of those things makes me a huuuuuuge nerd.


The WWE announced a new half hour Saturday Morning TV show for the CW on its new “Vortexx” kids programming block. I’ve read between the lines a bit on their press release and it sounds like the WWE convinced CW to buy a show from them made out of the bits of random crap they were already producing. I don’t know if that’s brilliant or f**cking evil. Maybe both.

For those wondering whether or not Edge is working under a legends contract with the WWE, the answer is no. He doesn’t actually have any contract whatsoever. Speaking of Edge, the other day I found this picture on the internet.

It appears that Beth Phoenix traveled all the way to a New Jersey Devils hockey game in order to be around Edge and wear almost matching jerseys.

Friends do that for each other, right?

Also, I guess that means Punk is with Lita and Phoenix is with Edge. I know Edge and Lita was years ago but does this make anyone else feel icky for some reason?

And that’s the news, believe it or not. Please enjoy your weekend and refrain from poking the cactus.