Good morning Humanoids. I’m Lonestar and Kel and here are today’s top stories.

I have a confession to make. I….I really don’t want to do this.


Here goes.

WWE Hall of Famer Jerry Lawler spoke with WMC-TV in Memphis to discuss his recovery after suffering a heart attack on RAW last year. Source:

Alright. Sounds good. Where are we going with this?

"My heart didn't beat for 20 minutes and had to be shocked back to life," said Jerry Lawler.  "Had I not been where I was, on television, worldwide television with a physician right there ringside then I would literally be dead right now."

Lawler says there was very little scarring or damage to his heart.

He says his heart attack was not caused by blocked arteries. It was textbook cardiac arrest.

Jerry Lawler's father died at age 59, after seven heart attacks.  His brother is on a list for a heart transplant right now.

"When you have that kind of a history, it's about 90 percent chance that you're gonna have some sort of heart problems," explained Lawler.

That’s pretty scary. I’m sure Jerry took measures to ensure that such a probable health condition didn’t happen to him.

He continued, "I ate a lot of fried chicken."

Or not.

"Being the good ol' southern boy that I am, I'd eat fried chicken five times a week," he admitted.

Okay, okay, so he ate really crappy. I’m sure he’s paying more attention to his diet now, right?

Lawler says he still eats fried chicken - but now, he eats it in moderation.

"I miss it, I miss it so bad," he said.

"The King" also had to cut back on sweets.

His diet was not very good, but he is a wrestler, so he must have done a lot of exercising, right?  False.

…..yeah, that last part wasn’t me writing a snide remark, the news report actually said that.

"I never worked out. Never ever went to the gym or worked out a day in my life," he said.

So the King never worked out, never watched his diet and got to become an uber famous professional wrestler and have relations with numerous beautiful women? I don’t get it. Is Lawler some kind of secret voodoo magician or something?

Since the heart attack Jerry Lawler has started exercising.

"For Christmas, my girlfriend, Lauryn, and I got bikes, bicycles, so we started just the other day," he said.

Lawler says even a short ride through his neighborhood puts the hurt on a man who never exercised before.

Almost dying probably didn’t help that endurance much either. Short-term pain be damned though, these new changes in Lawler’s lifestyle sounds like a great way to maintain a healthy body and ensure many more years of life to come, years probably devoid of any sort of intense physical behavior that might endanger Lawler’s well-being.

His ultimate goal is to get back to what he loves - wrestling.

And there it is.

"The one thing I've not done since the heart attack is get back into the ring and wrestle," he explained. "And, Lauryn says that I've been, the one thing that's different about me since the heart attack, she says, 'You're depressed.  You're going through depression.'  Which I don't feel it. I don't think it. But, yeah, I certainly do miss the wrestling and I do want to go back and do it some more.”

I’m not a medical expert. I’m a freakin’ zoo guy. So I’m just gonna react to this like a freakin’ zoo guy does to a dangerous situation and back away slowly, without any additional noise or comment.


Famously athletic wrestler ACH, who you might have heard about through Brandon Stroud, has signed with Ring of Honor.  If they film him trying to explain to Jim Cornette what a Super Saiyan is they can have all my money ever.

According to the Wrestling Observer, about 20 percent of the WWE’s current US audience is under 18. During the attitude era that number was about 40 percent. (The Wrestling Observer) If you’re the type of person whose eyes cross when they see number let me translate for you: we’re all really old.

The WWE is having an unofficial diva search in LA. And by unofficial I mean they’re just working with modeling agencies to find some models. And by that I mean the news sites are only using the term “Diva Search” because you hate it so very, very much. (

Hulk Hogan bashed Bret Hart for basically agreeing to work as champion for less money and therefore driving down the pay standard for those that followed him. ( I think what Hogan is really trying to say is….










And that's the news! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go watch some more episodes of Rocko's Modern Life.