Greetings Humanoids. I’m Lonestar Nyguyen and these are today’s top stories.

Rumors about Paul Heyman have recently been making the rounds on the internet and, wouldn’t you know it, Mr. Heyman has both a computer and a desire to set things straight. Take it away Paul Heyman’s twitter account!

“Brock's theory of "let them speculate" seems to be a damn smart one, and I certainly see the merits of that position.

HOWEVER (aha! There is a "but" involved here)… Just to address two items that so many people seem to be giving credence to.

@CMPunk and I have NOT pitched the idea of being aligned to anyone. If we did, you wouldn't know about it. Did anyone know I was coming back on May 7th as Brock's representative? NO ONE KNEW! So if @CMPunk and I have ... or had .. or will have a plan ... I assure you, it would have / will play out in front of your very eyes. @CMPunk doesn't need an advocate. Nor a spokesman. Nor a representative. That's not his character. Brock's character totally different.

C M Punk’s alignment, if anything, has to be chaotic neutral.

The other rumor to address ... Whether @WWE is interested in extending my deal, Brock's deal, etc. Not one single person has hit the nail on Brock's deal with @WWE ... and that's the way Brock likes it! … and since NO ONE knows what my deal is, it would be impossible for anyone to state with certainty what my situation IS ... or ISN'T! And, just for the record, I'm not discussing it.

Here's my reasoning for it ... When I left @WWE in 2006, I thought I was done. Gone. Never to return. I loved working with Brock on his book. Building #Looking4Larry with @MStuart777 has been a total blast! The @HeymanHustle website and digital program has been the cornerstone of our agency, and we love doing it.

Um, that didn’t answer the question of “why aren’t you discussing your WWE status, Paul?” at all.

This whole deal has been a surprise. A surprise for you. A surprise for my kids. A surprise for the WWE Universe. A surprise for ME, too. Enjoy the ride. Watch it unfold. See what happens. For the first time in forever, we have people GUESSING what comes next. If for no other reason but THAT, there's nothing 2 discuss. You know there's a heavily-promoted match this Sunday at @WWE #SummerSlam.

I think the word Heyman wants to put in all caps is “wondering”. Fans guessing what happens next in a storyline just shows how blatantly obvious the story is and last time I checked that wasn’t something to celebrate. In related news, I’m pretty sure even my cat thought Shawn Michaels was destined for a Brock Stomping.

You've seen @ShawnMichaels, Stephanie McMahon, all our CHILDREN be a part of this main event. Now it comes down to Brock Lesnar vs HHH. If we've sold you on buying the ppv, I bet you get your money's worth on this match alone. If we haven't sold you on the ppv yet, then thank you for your time, and I hope something else has captured your attention or imagination.

Brock and I are "all-in" for this Sunday. And just based on what his future holds, HHH is "all-in," too. This is a match everyone wants you to remember.

So ... I'm not addressing any more rumors. I'm not confirming. I'm not denying. I'm focused on this Sunday ... ... and I'm looking forward to watching Brock and HHH live up to, and indeed EXCEED everyone's expectations.

Is this hype? Yes. But it's Hype routed in TRUTH. Is this a rant? A diatribe? A long-winded TwitSpeech? Absolutely! Hope you liked it."

I like to think Heyman fires these things off while eating fruit loops in his PJs. That might explain why his “rant” was one bit of legitimate information surrounded by layers and layers of bullshit. But hey, Paul Heyman.


The WWE has apparently released NXT, FCW, and Tough Enough wrestler Caylee Turner, better known as Alicia Fox’s little sister. She recently won the FCW women’s title and has not lost it. Oh god, the jokes, lets list them.

  1. Awe man, that sucks. I was looking forward to watching her f**k up an axe kick.
  2. How the hell did Alicia Fox’s less capable sister become the new Alundra Blaze?
  3. Did they call her a boy?
  4. Wait, Caylee Turner was on Tough Enough?
  5. Wait, are you telling me that of all the people on Tough Enough, Cameron the “Melina vs Alicia Fox is my favorite match” girl is the only person still employed by the WWE? WTF.

“WWE Employees” suspect Triple H will continue to place a focus on a revitalized tag team scene at the expense of the women’s division, supposedly because he’s never been a big fan of women’s wrestling. Of course he’s not into wrestling women, have you seen what Chyna looked like?

TNA’s Claire Lynch also plays the character of Olive Oyl at Universal Studios. I don’t feel I need a joke here.

Michael McGillicutty, everyone’s favorite beardface, could be getting repackaged thanks to support from Triple H. No word on what he’d be repackaged into but if it doesn’t involve the words “disgruntled lumberjack”, “disgruntled viking warrior” or “disgruntled crab fisherman” I’ll be very disappointed.

And that's the news. Have a safe weekend and don't forget that Semis are in fact bigger than you.