Good morning Humanoids! I’m Lonestar Sicklypants and these are today’s top stories!

The man to the left is the best Luchadore to ever come out of French Canada, El Generico. If you’re a regular reader of TJR Headlines you know that Generico has recently been signed to the WWE. Except he hasn’t. BAM!

Contrary to reports that independent wrestler El Generico has signed with WWE, is now reporting that Generico has not yet signed with the company - and is currently undergoing WWE's vigorous physical examinations before he's offered a contract. In the past, there have been several issues that led to WWE signings being delayed (Kassius Ohno & Daniel Bryan) and negotiations breaking down (Nigel McGuiness) pending the results of medical examinations. Source:

So yes, dear readers, Generico is in the process of signing to the WWE but he’s got a couple hurdles to clear. The WWE likes to make sure their incoming employees are in good health and free of any infectious diseases or illegal drugs before letting them come in and get their various bodily fluids all over their mats and other employees. Because children, you can’t wrestle in a full body condom.

….gross. Anyway, if Generico gets through that process then I’m sure I’ll see him on NXT eventually, perhaps along with some other independent talents.

Following the news that WWE has signed El Generico to a developmental contract, it’s worth noting that two more independent wrestlers who have upcoming WWE tryouts are Adam Cole and Sami Callihan. Source:

Adam Cole is the current PWG champion and if he gets signed to the WWE one of my predictions for the year will be correct. Don’t mess this up for me WWE! The other dude, Sami Callihan, wrestles all over the place including down in Jacob Lindseyville in front of Jacob Lindsey. Sources (ok it was Jacob Lindsey) tell me that Callihan did well for himself in that recent match and that he, at times, looks quite groady. That’s him up there on the left. Groady or not? You decide.


Tyson Kidd is out for an expected 10 to 12 months with a knee injury. Lords of Pain I think I speak for everyone at TJR when I say crap crap crap crap crap! Kidd was always a welcome addition to my television screen and I wish him the healthiest of recoveries and the best of luck when he returns.

The WWE and Post cereals have a multi-year deal where not only will John Cena be on the Fruity Pebbles box but Post products will be promoted at WWE live events. This sounds ridiculous but I would so rather eat breakfast cereal than crappy stadium hot dogs and nachos. Bring on the Daniel Bryan themed Grape-Nuts!

Get out your salt shakers because there’s a report going around that the top four matches of Wrestlemania have been decided. Besides the obvious Rock vs John Cena and Triple H vs Brock Lesnar matches the report claims that Orton and Sheamus will battle over the World Heavyweight Championship and that C M Punk will face the Undertaker. Further reports indicate that Punk and Undertaker will build their feud by having a “tattoo-off” on a live raw heading into Mania.

Surprises are being planned for the Royal Rumble. The biggest surprise of all would be if the Rumble’s entrants consisted of 30 John Cenas, the last of which would then be eliminated by a 31st entrant, a live hippopotamus, that would then reveal itself to be…….yet another John Cena.

And that’s the news of the world. Now I’m off to a day at the races and a night at the opera before I sustain a sheer heart attack and meet both Queens. Have a great weekend.