Greetings Humanoids. I’m Lonestar Deane and here are today’s top……well, here’s some news anyway.

Theories continue to swirl on the internet about how the WWE could make next week’s 1000th episode of Raw a big success, which has led to the creation of some pretty vague “rumors” on the dirt sheets, including this one:

“There’s speculation that the “big angle” Vince McMahon has been wanting will take place at the end of the 1,000th RAW episode on Monday. WWE has reportedly been working on something big for the summer, something similar to the Nexus and CM Punk angles from the past two years.” Source: Rajah.com

Oooooo, something big with no specifics whatsoever! I can’t believe someone got their source to spill the beans!

All sarcasm aside, perhaps that “big angle” might have something to do with the outcome of Punk and Cena’s WWE Title match.

“WWE's creative committee is rumored to be leaning toward CM Punk retaining the WWE Championship next Monday on Raw SuperShow when John Cena cashes in his Money in the Bank contract. According to PWInsider.com, there is a lot of talk within the organization that Cena will be the first person to not win a title directly after cashing in the briefcase.” Source: Rajah.com

Oh be still my beating heart. Punk retains his title, crashing Cena’s already fragile programming and sending him right over the edge! The robot formerly known as John Cena ends up destroying anyone and everyone around the ringside area before partially disassembling the ring itself, only to walk up the ramp and have several pieces of elaborate staging fall on him! Then Cena-bot gets up and walks awkwardly past the entire WWE roster, including Paul London, before getting into his limo. The limo explodes! Then out of the ashes rises the fully exposed metallic body of Cena-bot. A small hatch opens……he’s been Hornswoggle all along!

IN OTHER NEWS:

Chavo Guerrero has signed a contract with TNA and will debut on next week’s show. Rajah.com A disgruntled former WWE employee gets hired by TNA despite being quite a few years past his prime? Yeah, that sounds about right.

Bray Wyatt did not participate in the latest tapings for NXT because the WWE would rather he heal up from his recent injury and drop some weight. Lords of Pain In related news, Bray Wyatt getting hurt might be the clearest sign yet that God exists and that he hates wrestling.

Triple H is a supporter of Micheal McGillicutty. Rajah.com Last time I checked Triple H still had two functioning eyes, so I guess that makes sense.

That’s the news, or at least something that resembles it. Enjoy your weekend!

Twitter.com/LonestarTJR

LonestarTJR@gmail.com