Welcome one and all to your Friday Update, straight from the news desk. It is officially 2014, Ryan Seacrest is officially still an ass clown, and I am your humble correspondent, Peregrin Took. After last week's brief respite, there is plenty of fodder for discussion heading into the first weekend of the new year. We kick it off with a couple of discussions about some very good wrestling talent not currently working for WWE. The first subject, AJ Styles, actually made his triumphant return into the main event of TNA's slapdash Rube Goldberg machine on last night's show. As you've likely read here in FNU, Styles has been the focal point of much discussion regarding his future after TNA's reportedly outrageous lowball offer.

While booking several Ring of Honor dates gave thought that perhaps things had fallen through (again), many watchers wondered why the WWE had little to no interest in one damn good wrestler. Who better to sound off about that than the man himself? So glad you asked. In a recent interview with F4WOnline.com, the question was posited to AJ and he responded that WWE is pouring tremendous resources into the new Performance Center and was looking to bring along younger talent. Ever the politician.

While Styles is undoubtedly correct about WWE's investment in the future of the business, it seems rather silly to thumb one's nose at a sure thing while featuring a feud between Brodus Clay and R. Truth. But this is the WWE, after all, so we digress. Below, found footage of the current crop at the aforementioned Performance Center:

Friday News Update should have apologized for any Dane Cook footage in advance. In other "will he or won't he?" news, TNA superstar Kurt Angle also recently tackled the subject of a potential WWE return. His direct quote regarding such a possibility:

"I can't say I'll never go back. My contract is up in eight months, so we'll see."

So, the slimmest of slim margins then, is it? Friday Update has made no secret of the fact that it very much desires Angle to finish his illustrious career inside a WWE ring, taking on opposition he's never faced before in one last run before it's too late. It seems like Kurt has overcome his highly publicized personal demons, and that's good news for all involved. One can only hope that his road to recovery can involve another trip to Titan Tower. It's damn true. (Rajah)

Which means we'll only have moments like this to look fondly upon:

That footage is exceedingly rare, as it contains John Cena's last loss in the WWE since about 2003. Speaking of Mr. Cena, big news has reached the news desk concerning his latest venture. Cena's latest opponent: weight loss! JC has launched something called "10 Weeks Bodychange," in which he will be your personal coach and motivator to "lose weight, get fit, and look sexy." Feel free to say that last part like Jim Ross announcing Jerry Lawler's son.

I don't know that I can really do the Ponzi-scheme like literature from the press clippings justice, but suffice it to say that Cena will be motivating his clients through a series of online videos and encouraging them to take part in something called a "Load Day." (Rajah)

Let's have Johnny explain it himself:

Or, listen to another satisfied customer in weatherman Al Roker:

Thanks, guys, but I think FNU will stick with Diamond Dallas Page's yoga. Moving far, far away from that story, rumors have percolated that CM Punk may be dissatisfied with elements of his wrestling lifestyle of late and may be contemplating a change. These innuendos are based on Punk's always-entertaining Twitter feed, which just this week lampooned his Monday night match with Seth Rollins and spoke about being sick of travel.

Those in the know don't appear as worried, voicing that Punk "always talks about leaving when he's frustrated" but has shown no other outward signs of wanting to leave the company. For our part, FNU would caution reading too much into any Twitfeed, particularly that of a merry prankster like Punk. While he's got enough natural gravitas that he could succeed in innumerable ventures outside the squared circle, he's red hot at the moment and in the prime of his career. (INC)

I think the movie Stripes put it best:

Interested on who might be inducted into the WWE's Hall of Fame at this year's WrestleMania? According to recent reports, one such fellow might be the guardian of the painted legacy and all of its wondrous merchandise, The Ultimate Warrior. Rumors have persisted for some time now that Warrior would be involved with WWE in some capacity, and that was confirmed with his participation in its most recent video game release.

That good spirit may now include an appearance of some form at WrestleMania XXX, and early discussion indicates it might be for an induction into the Hall. Say what you will about the Warrior, but he certainly deserves a place in the HOF. At his apex, there were few that captivated fans more. Hulk Hogan might want to check any nearby mirrors before he books his travel plans. You never know who might speak to him, brother. (NoDQ)

Speaking of Thunderlips, there is still nothing concrete on what his role will be at WM. Conflicting reports have him doing everything from sumo wrestling Rob Ford to teaming up with Mr. America to take on the tag team of Zeus and Tiny Lister. Now word comes that WWE may also be tapping Roddy Piper to appear at the event as well, either to go against Hogan in some sort of match as a heel or to potentially team with him to take on The Real Americans. (Rajah)

The latter sounds more likely, especially as it would give Vince McMahon the ability to book Antonio Cesaro to giant swing Piper in his kilt. And Friday Update will take any opportunity to see the Rowdy One with a microphone in hand:

Lastly, while all the hoopla has surrounded the potential of an Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar match at WrestleMania this year, it appears that the Dead Man himself may have another opponent in mind. According to recent reports, Taker has suggested that he would like to face none other than Daniel Bryan. There has been no word on whether this was discussed further or will in fact happen, but the fact that Taker is more invested in pushing the rightful unified champion than the company he works for speaks volumes on both fronts. One thing is for sure, that would be one hell of a match. And worth the price of WMXXX in this correspondent's view. (INC)

That clears the news desk for this week, ladies and gentlemen. As always, I'd like to thank you for taking time to read the dirt of the day. Feel free to chime into the conversation roiling in the depths below or fire off Words With Friends requests or Beef Wellington recipes to me via Twitter @DharmanRockwell or via email at coffeyfan@hotmail.com. See you Tuesday!