Note from John: The guest columns start this week. This is the first one. I'll have four regulars to start. There might be more in the future. I'm not really taking applications, though, so don't waste time sending something in. Here's the first contributor.
------Hello John Report fans. My name is Andrew Johnson, and I’ve been a wrestling fan since Terry Taylor was strutting around the ring dressed as a chicken. I am a 26 year old married man with a job and responsibilities, but I still take time to watch and make light of a business that has entertained me for years. For the past month I’ve been doing a weekly segment on my blog, the JohnsonNation, where I comment on my favorite wrestling headlines of the week. So without further adieu, I bring you…<!--more-->
This week, in Sports Entertainment…Kevin Nash Films "Sex" Scene with Wrestling DivaTNA star Kevin Nash filmed a sex scene last week for indie filmmaker Shawn Cain's Ultimate Death Match II
with indie darling April Hunter. The film features a number of wrestlers, including Scott Hall, Sean Waltman, Sabu, Sandman, Tommy Dreamer, Al Snow and Shane Douglas, but none of them were lucky enough to draw the “get to simulate sex with April Hunter” straw.I guess if we are going to watch an over the hill wrestler have sex on screen, it might as well be Nash. He’s still reasonably in shape, and if it wasn’t him we could have gotten stuck with someone else in the cast. We’ve already seen Waltman’s sexual performance (1 Night in China
), and I don’t think it would be fair to subject us to it again. I have no desire to see Tommy Dreamer or Scott Hall’s man boobs on screen, and I think Sabu requires at least one table spot in his love making. I’ll admit though, it would be funny to watch Al Snow scream “I’ve got head!” mid-fellatio.Possible Change in RAW TimeslotDave Meltzer reported that there is talk within WWE of making RAW three-hours each week if TNA moves to Monday nights for good. It seems that the USA Network is high on RAW going to three-hours, but Vince and Stephanie McMahon are both said to be against it. Meltzer is a pretty reliable source in the wrestling world, but I don’t know how much weight this rumor holds. While a three-hour show might improve on the amount of actual wrestling seen on the show, it also leaves open the potential for more bad comedy sketches.Since Vince isn’t on board I doubt it will happen, but you know all it will take is someone to suggest a full hour of Hornswoggle yucking around with the guest hosts and Vince will get so excited he’ll cum in his pants. Changes Being Made to ECWLooks like WWE is taking steps to get rid of the ECW brand a lot sooner than we all thought. There have been talks about giving the ECW franchise a reboot for several months, but most assumed it wouldn’t occur until after WrestleMania. This past Tuesday Vinnie Mac showed up on the C show to announce changes were coming, and since then it’s been rumored on the internet the show will be rebranded as WWE NXT.WWE NXT will be what ECW has been for a while; a place for new talent to be showcased and developed. It will be like a developmental territory, but will also give them TV time to build their characters before they are brought up to one of the two main rosters.This is all pretty predictable stuff, except for the sources that said SyFy has requested that WWE incorporate science-fiction and alternative elements into the Tuesday wrestling broadcast. I know that most fans will roll their eyes at this (anyone remember the ECW Zombie?) but I have to say I’m pretty excited for it. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it’s going to be good by any stretch of the imagination. But, can you picture what they might come up with? This is the company that created Max Moon, Damien Demento, GTV and the freaking Boogeyman. Imagine what they will do now that they are being encouraged
to be ridiculous.It’s going to be a train wreck. A beautiful, exciting, and entertaining train wreck.Beth Phoenix Takes a Shot at Former DivaBeth Phoenix has become one of my favorite people ever after she destroyed Joanie “Chyna” Laurer in a recent interview:Nodq.com reports Beth Phoenix said;"I am WWE’s Glamazon. Chyna was WWE’s Ninth Wonder of the World … mostly called so because people wondered whether she was a man or a woman. I often wonder this, myself.”
It would be funny to see how Chyna responds to these comments. She can’t knock Beth for being ugly because she’s not. She couldn’t threaten to beat her up, because Beth is a well conditioned athlete, and Chyna looks like something that shows up after you’ve been cursed by a haunted video tape. I hope this isn’t a worked attempt to bring Chyna back into the fold for a potential feud with Phoenix, because don’t think a Chyna/Beth Phoenix match would be profitable. Maybe they could put Chyna on the new WWE NXT and mix in some of those new sci-fi aspects to her character. That way, at least it would make sense
when a cosmetically enhanced monster shows up on screen. Howard Finkel Bashes Current WWE Ring AnnouncerDuring a live chat prior Monday's RAW, Howard Finkel criticized ECW ring announcer Savannah's performance during the previous night's Royal Rumble. He spent time ridiculing her for a couple of mistakes she made while announcing Ezekiel Jackson’s entrance.Nodq.com reports that Finkel said;"Did anyone catch Savannah's two goofs last night announcing Ezekiel Jackson? Well, she did not announce Zeke as the challenger. Furthermore, she announced him as weighing 209 pounds." Finkel continued, "Folks, I might be a little tough on the announcers, but let's face it... You are on a WWE PPV, you DO NOT screw up."
Wow, I didn’t realize the 59 year-old Finkel had the same ethics as a thirteen year-old girl with a twitter account. She’s pretty new Howard, can’t you cut her a little slack? This is a business where a bunch of men roll around a canvas in their underwear. If she can keep herself from laughing like a hyena over the utter ridiculousness that’s going on before her, I’d consider it a job well done.That’s it for me this week. If you’d like to share your thoughts on today’s entry you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
or look me up on facebook. I’m always open to constructive criticism, so don’t be afraid to tell me what you really think. I promise I won’t take it personal. Also, if you want to see some other articles I’ve written, check out my blog at http://thejohnsonation.blogspot.com/
. It’s a comedy blog where I waste time making fun of several different topics, including country music, comic books, and Twilight. I usually update weekly, so if you want check it out and tell me what you think.Thanks for reading, and see you next week.-Andrew