In a recent interview with ESPN.com, Mike Tyson talked about a lot of things, but mostly wrestling and/or WWE ’13. And that guy is all over the place.

 From ESPN.com:

Mike Tyson stars in THQ’s hard-hitting “WWE 13” video game, but would the “Baddest Man on the Planet” and former undisputed heavyweight champ ever want to step foot in a WWE ring for real and wrestle in his first actual match?

“Yeah, definitely,” Tyson tells me over the phone as we talk video games and wrestling.

Oh, god…please don’t.

Tyson served as a special enforcer in the main event of Wrestlemania XIV, and even punched Shawn Michaels to end the show, but it sounds like Tyson actually wants a shot at a full-fledged match, and it’s something he’s been dreaming about since he was a kid addicted to the style and showmanship of everyone from The Ultimate Warrior to Superstar Billy Graham.

“If I’m healthy, and I am, I think, I would do it,” he said. “You have to be in shape. You can’t just come off the street and do this stuff. I did a little wrestling before in there during rehearsal, and you have to be in top shape. You gotta work out. You’re going to get hurt, so you have to be in shape that way you can make sure you limit the damage.

Is he talking about the video game? Or actual wrestling? Does your damage meter deplete faster if you’re out of shape? Oh…Brodus Clay…right…


“Before boxing, I was a WWF fan. It’s like a soap opera for men. That’s what poor, inner-city kids did, we watched these guys wrestle and we fantasized about being them and that glory and that fighting.”

Well, if that’s not a ringing endorsement for WWE…

ESPN Playbook: What do you think about being in “WWE 13” as a playable character, where you’re not only the special enforcer in story mode, but I can use you to knock out The Rock?

Mike Tyson: Man, I’m so happy. I’m so ecstatic.

Have you beaten anybody up in the game yet?

I don’t look at myself as a professional wrestler. I look at myself as a WWE Hall of Famer, but I don’t think about beating these guys or hurting these guys or any of that stuff. I just think about all the stuff that I’ve seen from Moondog Mayne and Nikolai Volkoff and those guys, and now I’m a part of that stuff.

:(

One of the best episodes of "Monday Night Raw" was when you came out to the ring, Stone Cold flipped you off, and the crazy melee ensued. What do you remember most about that chaotic night?

I didn’t want it to ever stop. I was living the lifestyle. I was living the dream. You’re talking crap to the bad guys and doing whatever you want. I never wanted it to stop. That’s why when you’re on top, like Tony Atlas and them, you gotta go to drugs. How do you get back to that high? All the cocaine, LSD in the world can’t get you that high back. How do you get that high back? You can’t get that high with cocaine and heroin like you think you could. You can’t get it. This is the only natural high that can supersede drugs.

Are you talking about the crowd reaction?

That excitement from the WWE. You see, most of these guys when they finish, they can’t control it, they can’t handle it. You think this stuff is easy to handle when you have people screaming at you? You might not be in a good mood, so you say, “To hell with you.” They scream at these guys. After Vince McMahon makes these guys big stars, they go one way, and the wrestlers go another way. So now they have to handle that. Vince can’t protect these guys when they’re out living their life like that. They create these huge personalities, these massive superstars, but there’s no way to protect these guys. It’s impossible. They must be miserable because they can’t go out.

Whoa whoa whoa, so apparently the only way to not kill yourself because you’re not on top anymore—like Tony Atlas—is to turn to drugs? Well, if THAT’S NOT A RINGING ENDORSEMENT FOR WWE…

The interview continues, with Tyson discussing how the Uncharted video games are too hard for him, it’s not easy keeping up with the new wrestlers, because the old guys used to be around forever (that’s what they’re old, you see), and he saw Mick Foley and Terry Funk fight that one time, and they should probably be dead. He’s probably right about that. And every wrestler ever was his favorite.

If you wanna read the rest of the interview, and you’re too lazy to scroll back up, here

In other news…

Jeff Hardy, who is apparently still a thing, still gets a rush from wrestling sometimes…especially when he’s on drugs. (Lords of Pain)

John Morrison told some fans that he’ll be back in WWE in about 6 months, which is about 6 months too late for my prediction from this past January to be true. Thanks, John. Also, Shelton Benjamin apparently gave his notice to Ring of Honor, because WWE called and wants to get back together, and it’s not you, it’s me. These guys are coming back to teach the new kids how to jump, I guess? (PWPix, Lords of Pain

Former WWE Superstar, Shad Gaspard, was supposed to play Roadblock in the upcoming GI Joe movie, and he was supposed to feud with John Cena before he got fired, or whatever. Neither of those things happened because “The Rock” and “politics,” I think. (411Mania)

Finally, if you’re an Antonio Cesaro fan, and YOU SHOULD BE, Ring of Honor has released a 2-disc DVD set on Claudio Castagnoli—they’re the same guy, in case you’re wondering. They do this thing where, when someone gets popular somewhere else, they make $20 off of you wanting to see where they actually got to wrestle. It’s a pretty good racket. (ROH)

That’s all for me this week. Enjoy the rest of your week and travel safely for the holidays, or whatever.

-Jacob (@chacobian)