Hello Internet peeps! It is I, TJR’s favorite Muppet, Fozzie Q. Bearstein bringing you your Monday Headlines! Usually I do this with Mike Ayers, but I think he’s still crying into his “Total Divas” throw pillows over Ben Affleck being cast as Batman. I’m sad too, but remember, they said that Heath Ledger wasn’t going to be a good Joker, and look how that turned out. Anyway, Wrestling!

Former WCW and WWE star, Bill Goldberg was recently interviewed by the Miami Herald after a Miami Marlins game in which the former Atlanta Falcon threw out the first pitch, then speared some random dude, because hey, why not. He was then asked about the rumors of him appearing at WrestleMania 30:

“I don’t know where that rumor came from,” Goldberg said. “Have I spoken to them at times? Absolutely. Is my DVD coming out? Yes. Am I going to WWE to be at WrestleMania? No, but there is eight months until WrestleMania. So, at this moment, I can tell you I’m not planning to be there by any stretch of the imagination, but you never know. Things could change.”

Then things got a little weird. He said if he did return, he would like to face Steve Austin or the Undertaker in a “Streak vs. Streak” match. Apparently, Goldberg doesn’t realize that his streak ended at the end of a Scott Hall taser all those years ago. One person he says he doesn’t want to fight is Ryback, a wrestler who is often compared to Goldberg, due to their easily marketability and limited move sets. In fact, he doesn’t want to fight him so much that he said this:

“He is just taking direction. It gets annoying. It surely got annoying when people called me Steve Austin, but at the end of the day, I took it as a compliment. If I was Ryback or whatever his name is, and I’m not going to be sitting here on my high-horse, but hey man, you have to look in the mirror and thank God that they are comparing him to me.

“I got more talent in one finger than that punk has in his entire body. I have at 46-years-old more presence than he could have in his entire life. The only reason I’m adamantly antagonized is because he has opened his mouth a couple of times as of late. I guess he was over in Europe and said he took a big Goldberg or something. Ask Triple H. I don’t like people talking about me when I’m not in the business. Ryback, if I see you around, you better hold on tight. That’s all I got to say. This ain’t the WWE. This is called life.”

Yeah, he sure sounds like he doesn’t want that match. You can read the rest of the article here courtesy of the Miami Herald.

IN OTHER NEWS:

Monday Headlines favorite whipping boy, Hulk Hogan, has heat in the TNA locker room for allowing his likeness to be used in the new WWE video game. This deal is being called a “slap in the face of TNA,” which is kind of what was said about Hogan’s deal when he signed with TNA. (NODQ)

 

Former Boxing champion Riddick Bowe said recently that he wants to become the first Boxing and Wrestling World Champion. While the logical people in this world all collectively rolled their eyes and air-wanked at this news, Dixie Carter was seen drying her panties over the thought of creating history. That’s the joke, but wouldn’t it be a hoot if she really did sign him, have him go over for the title, and have Tony Schiavone tell us that it was “the greatest night in the history of our sport?” I might cry a little. (NODQ)

 

Former “Legacy” member Ted Dibiase Jr. announced today that he did not sign a contract renewal with WWE, and is no longer with the company. He says that the decision was personal, and that he wanted to spend more time as a father and a husband. Here's the video.

Good for him for setting his priorities. And this is the point where I leave the punchline up to you guys. Post them in the comments, and the best one will be mentioned next week. For the record, I was going to make a JTG joke, so have at it kiddos. 

 

Thanks to Mike Stagg for this gem regarding Brooke Hogan’s departure from TNA:

"A luxury we can't afford right now" was the first time ever this phrase was uttered in conjunction with Brooke Hogan's (ahem) services.

Until next time, that’s all I got.

@FozzieMB