Hello guys and gals! It’s your boy Fozzie here to bring you your Monday Headlines. In case you’re wondering, John will now be covering Wednesday Headlines while Mike and I will now start your week off with our silly bantering and juvenile insults. Except for today, because Mike is totally lame and couldn’t be here this week.

Anyway, here is the fake news. All links courtesy of NoDQ.com, because I’m a lazy bastard.

Vince McMahon Hates Paul Heyman; Loves Money

In an interview with WWE magazine, Paul Heyman had this to say about his relationship with Vince:

"I would suggest that Mr. McMahon is, at the core, a businessman, through and through," Heyman said. "And my assessment of his feelings toward me is simply this: That The Chairman holds me in less contempt than he does others who can't generate the kind of revenue that Paul Heyman can deliver."  

It’s no secret that Vince and Heyman have had a rocky relationship, but Paul is right. For as much as it must pain The Chairman, Paul Heyman is one of those guys that people are naturally drawn to. He’s a cult leader for the wrestling fan who wants an edgier product. As evidenced with Curtis Axel, Heyman can generate interest in anybody, even if that guy has been dwelling in obscurity for over a year. And in case you’re wondering, there is no truth to the rumor that JTG now refers to Heyman as “Uncle Paul” and picks up Heyman’s dry cleaning.

Incredible Hulk Hogan?

Former wrestler and current disappointment Hulk Hogan had an accident over the weekend when a radiator “exploded” on his hand. He was taken to the emergency room where a doctor had to cut his blisters. You can see the pictures here, but they are gross. When I first saw the blisters, I thought they were just calluses from jerking off Sting’s ego.

Dixie’s Tough Choice

In an interview with Muscle and Fitness Magazine TNA owner/reason for its mediocrity Dixie Carter revealed that she thinks that Kurt Angle is the toughest man in TNA. This comes of no shock to fans of Kurt Angle who have seen him wrestle through severe injuries and sicknesses over the years. What is shocking is that this the first time Dixie has ever assessed a talent correctly.

That’s the Headlines, folks.  Yeah it was a slow news week. Hopefully there will be more to discuss next week.  Until then, to all my fellow Americans, enjoy your Memorial Day. To non-Americans, enjoy your Monday.