Monday Headlines: Hulk Hogan is Old
Aires: Hulk Hogan turned 60 today.
Fozzie: Hogan turned the big 6-0? Wow. I thought the shelf life for leeches of society were way lower.
Aires: Hogan? A Leech? Noooo. All things considered, he's has almost single-handedly help murder what was a promising TNA Wrestling promotion. But his contribution to the business of professional wrestling, and growing it into the worldwide, well-known juggernaut that it is cannot be denied. He's still to this day the most famous wrestler of all time. So he has that going for him, which is nice.
Fozzie: I agree that he helped make wrestling what is today; hell he even made me a fan. But his time is waaaay in the past. Unfortunately, he seems to be just realizing it, whereas everyone with consciousness realized that a long time ago.
Aires: Not sure if it's he, himself not realizing it, or if all the people around him just keep telling him how awesome he is. I'm sure Dixie and Eric talk to him like he has a halo around his head and can turn water into wine, brother.
Fozzie: You're right, probably. I just wonder if they say it just to make him feel good about himself, or if they actually believe it. Part of me wants to picture Eric and Dixie making wanking motions after lying to his face.
Aires: Either way, his legacy will go on longer than he will. I wonder if he'll end his career in the bottomless pit that is TNA, or if he'll realize it's useless and try to kiss and make up with Vince again and actually end his career where he should?
Fozzie: His career ended a long time ago. He's a shadow of the shell he was ten years ago. If he were to kiss and make up with Vince, it would be worse than his TNA run, in my opinion anyway. It would be like admitting he's not as awesome as he thought he was. It would be sad.
Aires: So you're saying that we won't ever get a No Holds Barred 2?
Fozzie: That's the best part about everything. Unrelated, he actually did block me on twitter.
Aires: He blocked you on twitter? See, he's even smarter than most of us give him credit for.
Fozzie: I think it was when I made fun of him for cutting Sorensen to sign Tito Ortiz.
Aires: I think it was when I made fun of him for cutting Sorensen to sign Tito Ortiz.
Fozzie: Actually it wasn't that. I responded to an Alex Shelly tweet in which I may have suggested that hiring Hogan to run a wrestling company may cause loss of profits. Which is true. Look:
Aires: Ah. Well the truth hurts sometimes. You could always just go harass his daughter, Brooke. She's a spitting image of him.
Fozzie: And has about the same acting range, which is somewhere between "surprised cross dresser" and "emotionless cherub"
Aires: My god. You hit the nail on the doo-rag covered head.
Fozzie: I think I've proven that I'm a better person than he is. Maybe.
Fozzie: What else you got?
Aires: Daniel Bryan Danielson, already with a bit of indy music street cred, tweeted at Brit indy-rocked Frank Turner that he wanted to collaborate on something. My suspensions is that his magical, mystical beard is started to root in his mind and turning him even more indy folk than he already was. If he starts wearing fake glasses, or wearing v-neck sweaters...we might have lost him. (NME.com)
Fozzie: Maria Menounos, best known for boring the HOF crowd at MSG half to death, was recently invited to be Natalya’s guest at SummerSlam, after the Bellas were taunting the Greek hottie on Twitter. The result was that it looks like we will get another match featuring Maria teaming with Natalya against the Bellas, in a match that will be referred to as a “Why is Natalya not pushed better than this?” match.(NODQ)
Aires: The always fun to hate University of Miami Hurricanes, a.k.a. The U, recently received the largest donation to the athletic department ever by a former student. That student? Dwayne Johnson. They appreciated the donation so much that the football team's locker room is now called the "Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson Football Locker Room". In other related news, we here at TJR heard that Marty Janetty recently did something very similar. He actually chipped in for the keg on 2nd base for his local softball beer league. (CBSSPORTS)
Fozzie: A fan asked Triple H on twitter if he was a “Flair Guy”, a “McMahon Guy”, or a “Kowalski Guy” to which Triple H responded, “I’m a Triple H Guy”. Wow. You ever see a set up for a joke so obvious, your brain fries from the possibilities? That’s this one. Reader participation time: How would you guys finish that joke? Write your answer below, and the winner gets acknowledged in next week’s column. Good Luck! (NODQ)