I wrote the Raw Deal earlier today and you can read that right here. This is Commentfest. Here are some random thoughts from some of my facebook friends (Facebook.com/thejohnreportnet) after I asked for some comments about the show. We got about 1000 comments this week. Now let's get to it. <!--more-->I'm going to change the color scheme a bit so that it'll go green, then blue, then green, then blue and so on. Some people write a lot in multiple paragraphs, so it's easier as far as being legible. ARE YOU READDDDDY?! NO- I SAID: ARE....YOU.....READYYYYYYYYYYY???!!! WELCOME TO RAW....IS.....what? Smackdown? Why the fuck are the Smackdown guys here? Europe? ICELANDIC VOLCANO? What the fuck has that got to do with anything? Ah, well, ok....at least we don't have to deal with Cole, Lawler or stupid guest hosts tonight...WHAT?! Wait, so you're ... See Moretelling me that we have NO RAW stars, but we still have to deal with the DUO O' DOUCHE and THE CAST OF MACGRUBER?! Fuck this! And fuck C.M. Punk, because I need a drink or a joint or something! In all seriousness, we got two members from D-NXT at the show tonight, so keep your eyes peeled for Fozzie & Triple N, because this is....SMACKDOWN IS COMMENTFEST!!!!! Goddamn that Triple H- setting off a volcano so he can eliminate the biggest stars of the Raw roster- now he'll book himself to crush Smackdown's best! He'll probably book a handicap match with himself against all of Smackdown (which he'll win, of course...) YES! No Nickelback intro. SmackRaw is a 10 just for that. LILLIAN? Wow. i just marked the f out for a ring announcer damn never thought id say that (I used to for Mike McGurk.)Fuck iceland and volcanoes. (Thanks for posting, millions of people.)"Pasty-faced tea bag"! I want to have Triple H's children. Don't print that. A show of the highest standards Hunter? Did the volcano erupt the WWE back to 2000? (Thanks Attitude Era mark). "Oh Great now we have to watch Triple H wrestle a 2 hour Iron man match with Frank the Audio guy." Best Trips quote of the Year. Nuff Said. Thank goodness Cole didn't get stuck with the rest of the raw roster. This show would be a disaster if he wasn't there to give his vintage announcing. (Hey it's That Cole Fan.)CM Punk doing his impersonation of the New York Governor from SNL Weekend Update. (Ha that imitation is fantastic.)That's the sexiest skull and crossbones I've ever seen. (He means Serena.)Oh, this promo just makes me hope that Punk stays on Smackdown. Jersey sucks. Very funny. Vintage Shawn Michaels is bald! Cheap Republican Promo prop. (Thanks for posting, Jim Duggan, Kurt Angle, and the man formerly known as Jim Helwig). HHH for president! Vintage Gay Joke!!!! (Not that there's anything wrong with that) (Seinfeld references are still relevant 15 years later.)Lillian is smoking hot tonight. Lillian Garcia!!! I just got an "announcement" in my pants! What's that ORANGE CRAP~ all over Luke Gallows. (He had tan issues.)COME SAVE HIM JOHN CE...oh yeah thats right.... God, Rey ruins everything. I know I'm in the minority, but I can't stand him. Sure he puts on a good program when he's with an uberheel (Punk, Jericho) but its fucking unrealistic that a guy who is smaller than his 13 year old kid could beat up trained fighters, time and time again. (Thanks for posting, Vince McMahon.)Oh good we get a John Cena promo. Excuse me... a John Cena PROMO!! To quote Steve Carell: "I don't know what we're yelling about!" Drew doesn't get his regular entrance? Boo. Hey, my Mancrush Drew is in the ring! I feel faint. Don't print this. (Sorry.)What's that? Oh it's me hitting mute button, because Cena's on, doing his horrible Rock impression. John Cena via satellite, where he can't hear half the crowd saying he sucks. Best part about being at RAW is that I DON'T have to listen to Michael Cole...... I was playing Fight Night Round 2 the other day, and the announcer kept saying "a roundhouse out of nowhere." I died a little inside, then threw my XBox out. Fuck you, Michael Cole. (He haunts people in so many ways.)For those who dont know, McGruber is some crappy pepsi commercial character that they made into a movie. I can't help it, I love double double e! I actually want to see MacGruber...it looks funny! (thanks for posting, Michael Cole) (And Jerry Lawler. You think Vince McMahon is watching that movie? I doubt it.)Hey. Im from jersey!! (Poor Crazy Crazy is lost without Kelly Kelly on the show.)When did this turn into an episode of YO MOMMA? And where is Fez to host it? (I watched that show. Twice.)YOU CANT SAY THAT!!! chant @ 2.39GMT vince, please dont start pushing kozlov again. its only going to end in tears. I love the 4 smarks in the crowd try to start a "You can't say that" chant and fail.. They'll be posting about their success on their wrestling forums. Slapstick comedy at it's finest... and douchebag doing the same old stupid thing... Hmmm..R-Truth gettin' "blown up" reminds me of the time Hawk from LOD fell off the Titantron. Only somewhat more believable. Boy that explosion was a bigger fuckup than my own-goal (thanks for posting dan boyle)....STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS REFERENCE. (Ha San Jose. They can't win.)Dear Michael Cole:Here is my problem: you are not more than 200 feet from me, and yet so far. If I had a sniper rifle, I would have an open shot right now. And now great I can hear your awful voice, you prick bastard. Why couldn't King be the one to ask the damn question? If given the chance, I would rather light my ears on fire than hear your voice. You sir ruin my enjoyment every night, and the one night I come live I still am poisoned by your voice. I hate you Cole. So damned much. Why in the world couldn't McGrubet have blown you up? That would have been "vintage!"Sincerely,Fozzie BearDirector of Human Resources,The Canton Nation (The Fozz is so dedicated that he writes this when he's in the building.)So now we know why John didnt have Smackfest this week on Talking Smack. He knew all along that Smackdown was going to be on Raw and waited to do it then. I call conspiracy! John Canton erupted that volcano for us! (Um, sorry?)Blown up!Stand up and Get Blown up!Blown up! (Blown up!)Blown up! (Blown up!)Blown up! (Blown up!)Blown up! (Blown up!) Pee & Shit in pants joke STILL CLASSIER than a Katie Vick reference. If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis. This MacGruber guy used the word "wrestler" a few times. Vince hates him. One hour in and we get 1 f*****n match???? REFUND!!!! (Another satisfied customer!)With a lisp like that, I bet even the words on the paper of the writer's scripts start to curl.... Jack Thwagger should join the Thraight Edge Thociety. That would be thweet. Hey it's the Kurt Angle 5:00 minute challenge!!! Oh, it's just the All-American American challenge... thought it was something interest... TAKER!!!! MTFO!! TAKER!!!!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!!! Oh dear, Biff about to get buried. (An accurate prediction.)What happened to Taker's vacation? (He barely worked for three weeks. I think that counts.)If Ultimate Warrior comes out to challenge Swagger ala Summerslam '88, I'll shit my drawers like a newborn baby. Don't print this either. Okay, Cole. How many times do we need to be reminded of The Undertaker's streak. Oh? Really Cole? He's 18-0 at WM? I completely forgot! Oh, so that move off the top rope by Taker is called "Old School"! What the FUCK would we do without Michael Cole? Undertaker was too busy growing his blue roses in his garden when he got the call to work Raw... Uh oh... Swagger didnt wear his Kurt Angle looking tights... he's losing on sunday!! VINTAGE Undertaker at 10:06 Vintage 10:06 EDT Is there anything more disgusting looking than the KFC Double Down sandwich? I mean other than Vickie Guerrero in a bra and panties match? (I haven't had a Double Down, but I feel like I should at least try it.)A match on RAW going longer than 3 minutes???? I'm going to find it hilarious if R-Truth gets future endeavored tomorrow. After all, he just got blown up earlier. Is it me, or are King and Cole the worst they've ever been? More annoying than usual with all their "speculation". Can Jack Swagger risk injury? Could you imagine Undertaker on Raw? Will Randy Orton be on Smackdown? Do we make viewers wish for Mark Madden and Scott Hudson? IT'S VADER TIME!!! IT'S VADER TIME!!! Yes Cole... Undertaker is still worn out from that match he had over a month ago. That's what happens when you get old. ~OUT OF NOWHERE!!!~ @ 10:15 EDT... OK I love the Undertaker and all and I know he does't job all that much but this match pissed me off. Your trying to push Swagger as a legit contender but you have him lose on a constant basis. Have Taker win by DQ at least. It would make Swagger look more like a bad ass going into ER. I actually hope he beats Orton on Sunday bc if he doesn't then he will be back to jobbing to Santino. Sorry, I just had to rant. Whipped Guy out. I will honestly admit- and this isn't Cole posting- that this movie looks legit funny. (Meh. I don't really agree and I like stupid movies more than most.)Just saw Mark Henry for 3 seconds on the Magruber clip. That's the longest he's been on Raw in months! (You forgot the hot tub thing. And now you remember it. You're welcome.)AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAH WEAK AT PUNKS TOWEL. She is right, Jericho is best thing about EVERYTHING he is in Holy SHIT. Jericho's in Macgruber. Now I have to see this shit. If Jericho was on the sun, I'd look at it until I went blind. Jerreeeeko! Sounds like some lame Anime thing. It's obvious Lex Luger killed Ron Killings. The t-shirts are still too tight, Billy! Youtube it, people. THE GREATEST CONTINENT IN THE WORLD- AMERICA! That's so funny, they dumbed down Lillian! Those headbutts are whiffing as much as Eve's dropkicks. (And they're not as pretty as her missed dropkicks.)Just when we thought this could't get any worse...the great khali is back. Please have Ranjin Singh and his amazing amazing sideburns. SON OF A BITCH. (Wow Ranjin has a supporter.)Khaluber hahahaha this really is the best raw ever. khaluber...i seriously cant do this anymore....I'm sorry, Raw, its not you, its me...I think we should see other people...(BTW it is totally you, not me.) (Believe it or not George isn't at home...)At least the song was funny..."He doesnt speak English, so we dont understand him...Khaluber!!" They actually referenced Khali being World Champion. I thought everyone was pretending that didn't happen. (Now I remember why I stopped watching during that period.)Raw Creative.... Please go back and jump into the goddamn volcano. I believe all of us here in the Canton Nation would help pony up the money for said trip. Segments like that make me wonder why I still watch wrestling. (At least we have matches by Shawn Michaels...oh crap.)Let me tell you, im celebrating 420 a little early but when lillian said khalubra i almost died laughing. raw is enjoyable with a nice bowl of green. (Congrats on the TNA title, RVD.)This raw is great. I have no Idea what you guys are talking about. (Vintage That Cole Fan.)Haha we ALL wish Christian was in the match. I won't fault King for that fuck up. Lawler sucks Edge vs. Christian? We can only hope. IT'S ALL ABOUT THE GAME...CUZ OF THE VOLCANO.... (Catchy tune.)HHH the "Random Camera Guy" Avenger. So no divas tonight AT ALL! The first time I watched a raw and didnt get bitched at in... Shit I dont think it ever happened! Whipped Guy gives this Raw a 10! Gallows and PUnk run to the ring, why can't Serena? Those babies can produce seismic blasts! (Is that a reference to her breasts? I don't notice them. I only look at a woman's eyes. Don't comment on that.)Spot to the floor commercial break @ 10:54 EMFDT (That's Eastern Motha-Fuckin Daylight Time for your time illerate suckaaaaaaaaaaas). Floor Commercial Spot at 7:54 Arizona-we-don't switch-our-motherfucking-clocks-because-that's-how-we-roll-time. Jericho vs. Mysterio on a Monday is like having a hooker on your wedding day. You know it's wrong, but you enjoy the hell out of it because you might never have it agian. Don't print that, please. Jericho's screaming is classic "YOU DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO" VINTAGE TRIPLE H at 11:05 Worse Guest Host Ever (Thanks for posting Jon Heder) (There are many names you could have picked, really.)King, you used to love when a guy worked on a guy's injury! Now you're practically crying? Did The Kat take your balls in the divorce?!?! Cole, don't worry. HHH and Cena are secure at Raw. (I think Vince was worried he might accidentally book one of them on SD, so he had Cole beg that they stay.) OK guys another fun night of Commentfest. As always take care of yourself and eachother. (Thanks for posting Jerry Springer) Whipped Guy out. Ok. I was a little excited tonite because I assumed id see Vickie tonight. Raw gets a 2 from me. No Vickie means no ratings. Well I'll be damned. On a night where the roster is dominated by Smackdown superstars, and the only Raw superstar present is HHH, who've thought Trips would get the pinfall in the main event? Oh, right: EVERY FUCKIN' PERSON ON EARTH. I think I'm cute, I know I'm sexyI got the looks, that drives the girls wildI got the moves, That really move themI send chills, Up and down their spineI'm just a sexy boy (sexy boy)I'm not your boy toy (boy toy)I'm just a sexy boy (sexy boy)I'm not your boy toy (boy toy)I make them hot, I make them shiverTheir knees get weak, whenever I'm aroundThey see me walk, They hear me talkI make them feel, like they're on Cloud nineI'm just a sexy boy (sexy boy)I'm not your boy toy (boy toy)I'm just a sexy boy (sexy boy)I'm not your boy toy (boy toy)Eat your heart out girlsHands off the merchandise (Never heard it before.)Pedigree is a brand of dog food. Google it. I'll leave you with that thought. (And so will I.)