The John Report: The Raw Deal for 11/16/09 (DX vs. Jerishow vs. Cena/Undertaker)Live from New York, New York here's the Raw Deal…We started with a brutally acted segment with actor Luis Guzman (I kinda remember him from Boogie Nights and Traffic) joining guest host Roddy Piper. They talked about some movie, I could barely hear it and then got to Iron Chef, which led to an appearance by the Iron Shiek. Piper sold it like they misheard him or something. Shieky baby went on this rant about Hogan like he's prone to do. Then they totally stole the SNL bit by saying "Live from New York it's Monday Night Raw." Not a good start, but it got better thankfully.<!--more-->New intro with Nickelback's song "Burn it to the Ground." I actually think the video package worked well with the song. Thing is, I live in Canada. They play the song on radio here so damn much. I'm sick of the song. Still, the video matched the beat of the song well.Good to see a packed house at MSG. They used the short entrance that MSG is famous for rather than putting in the Titantron and the ramp. They did that to get as many people in there as possible, which is why they got over 20,000 in attendance. And you could tell. Looked full. Crowd was hot for much of the night too. You would think WWE would care enough to put on a huge show in every city, but they really only go balls out for NYC since it's their home city basically.The Miz d. MVP (*1/4)A typical good promo from The Miz before the match ripping on New York for buying the World Series. Why do fans boo that? Yes it's true in the sense since they bought Sabathia, Burnett and Teixeira, but so what? Be proud that you won. Those are the rules of baseball and they played within that. By the way, I'm tired of Miz saying "really" all the time. It's from Saturday Night Live and it's one of the few things that's funny on that show these days, so don't steal it. The match was a typical four minute Raw match that saw Sherri Shepherd cheering her loser MVP on. Too short to be very good, but not bad either. Just okay. Remember in the summer when I thought maybe MVP will get a push? Not happening.Santino d. Chavo Guerrero (1/4*)I love how they feel the need to recap Chavo's humiliation from the week before. Santino did a sight gag by wearing a bunch of sports jerseys. They were mostly New York ones with a Phillies one thrown it for some boos. He ended it with a Jeter Yankees jersey. A shot of Jeter in the building? Of course he wasn't there. Jeter is a ladies man. And I respect him for that. Chavo hit the Three Amigos, then went for the frog splash immediately. In a funny spot, Santino rolled to the other corner. Then Chavo climbed that corner, so Santino rolled back leading to a "Santino" chant. Hornswoggle showed up in DX clothes to distract Chavo, which led to the rollup win for Santino. I'm a little disappointed that we didn't get to see Santino's trombone celebration as well as a segment where he called Hot Rod, "Roddy the Piper" like he has in the past. Oh well.Right after that match ended, DX came out. They barely mentioned the PPV main event by saying they will work together to make sure one of them leaves Survivor Series with the belt. Of course that's not really important because they had to call Horny out for wearing their merch. They teased that everything was cool, that he could still wear the merch and then HHH turned on him, giving him a Pedigree. The crowd didn't really boo it. It was mixed. This was both the greatest moment in the history of sports entertainment and also one of the biggest wastes of eight minutes on Raw I've ever seen. A two in one special. I can't wait for Hornswoggle vs. HHH, the feud of the year in 2010.They showed a video package to the tune of Jay-Z's great song "Empire State of Mind" focusing on WWE moments at MSG. Lots of great stuff there although no visuals of Benoit winning the World Title at WrestleMania XX obviously. It was well done like all WWE video packages. My favorite match ever in MSG? Probably Owen Hart beating Bret Hart at WrestleMania X although I loved the Michaels/Razor ladder match and HHH/Cactus a lot too. I'm actually shocked that they showed Angle, Foley and Hogan in the video. They should do Raw live at MSG at least twice a year.It was time for some backstage fun with Piper getting ripped on by Jericho for not respecting him enough. He wants his picture on the wall. Instead, Piper brought in Chris Masters to do the titty dance to the tune of "Boom Boom Boom" by the Black Eyed Peas. I can't believe I typed that sentence. It was kinda funny, though. I feel like less of a person for enjoying that. Vince thought this was the greatest thing ever and so did the Bellas apparently. Then Piper blew his nose on Jericho to end it. The two guys in the Black Eyed Peas that aren't as famous as the other two were at ringside.I have to give credit to WWE's performers for the European tour. They've spent about two weeks straight on the road. It's a hot market for them, which is why they hit seven countries and did 22 shows total. That's not easy. I have lots of respect for the WWE performers for enduring that.Melina d. Alicia Fox in a Women's Title match (*)A comedian from 30 Rock, Judah Friedlander, came out to announce. I doubt Vince has any idea of who he is. Then somebody told him he's on a TV show that Vince has never heard of. Then another person mentioned that it might make it on for 2 seconds of Extra, so Vince threw him out there. I have sources. This turned into a Lumberjill match with the eight other chicks in the Survivor Series match coming out. That meant a Mickie James-Canton sighting. Nice outfit with the super tight jeans. Oh, there was a match. They didn't really fuck anything up and Melina won in under two minutes. Good for her. Then all the girls fought with the face divas winning. The Judah guy hugged them all. Notice how Mickie didn't touch that rube? MJC is loyal, fellas. No Natalya at Survivor Series because she can actually wrestle.They announced WWE and USA Network extending the deal for Raw through 2014. Good for Raw. No idea on the future of Smackdown and ECW since the networks they are on are in trouble.The midpoint of the show saw Piper doing the promo in the ring. He did semi-coherent ramblings and called out Vince for a match. They exchanged lines with Vince making fun of Roddy because he's overweight, and then Vince said he's not wrestling anymore. Thank you, Vince. Piper said he's been in 7,000 car crashes and 30 matches. Then he corrected himself. He didn't want the match at PPV, he wanted it tonight. Then he left, Vince went to say something more and he got cut off. That was a highlight of the show too.Next week's Raw is a three hour show with Jesse Ventura hosting. It's going to have a Thanksgiving theme. Does that mean they'll move the annual food fight brawl to Raw? Wrestlers from all three brands will be there. There will be a three hour Slammy Awards show in December too.Sheamus came out. They mentioned Noble has retired. For those that don't know, Noble works backstage as an agent helping the young guys put together the matches. He wanted a match. Nobody came out. He beat up the timekeeper by kneeing him and then sliding him across the announce table. Jerry Lawler was wondering what was up. Sheamus KNOCKED HIM THE FUCK OUT~! with the big boot. Yes, thank you. Imagine if he did that to Michael Cole on the same show that Hornswoggle got a Pedigree? Would have made this a 10 easy. This was an effective segment. I like Sheamus being booked like a badass.Jack Swagger d. Evan Bourne (*1/2)Matt Striker joined Cole on commentary. We've seen this before. Bourne can only win if he gets a distraction or if he faces Chavo. Against anybody else he's a jobber. What a shame.Orton threatening Piper leads to a Kingston/Orton brawlWe got Orton coming out instead of Vince. Terror filled the building with Michael Cole pissing himself most likely. Due to the short entrance his walk to the ring didn't take forever. He took a shot from Piper, then took him down and stomped on him. He had him set up for the punt, he waited, waited and then finally Kofi's music hit. Somebody fucked up there. Kofi/Kobe Kingston/Johnson came out for a brawl with Randy. They fought outside the ring, taking it into the crowd, then back at ringside and then some refs came to break it up. Didn't work. They kept going, showing real intensity. The crowd kept getting more into it. Kofi got a production case, drilled Orton with it (I mean it looked pretty stiff) and it looked to have cut Randy open a bit. Call the medics to cover the wound! Vince must have been asleep. They set it up for a Jeff Hardy-like jump off a barricade onto Orton about eight feet blow when the refs stopped him. The crowd booed. Then he broke free, climbed back up and hit the "Boom Drop" double legdrop thing that he does to put Orton through the table. The crowd exploded. They really went nuts for Kofi here. This was fantastic. Best segment on Raw in a long time. It makes me wish they had a singles match on Sunday rather than the ten men tag. By the way, kudos to WWE for not ruining this brawl by involving the other eight guys in the elimination tag. It worked better just one on one.Cena did one of his goofy promos that wasn't funny. They tried to do a bit where Cena called it a handicap match at Survivor Series, then was handed a paper saying it was a triple threat. The promotion of this match has been poor. Doing silly bits week after week doesn't put over the seriousness or importance of the WWE Title.I'll be writing a preview for Survivor Series probably for Thursday, so look out for that. It won't be super long. I just don't have the time to write it today.DX vs. Jerishow vs. John Cena & The Undertaker (***1/4)This match started after the two hour mark, so they had a 12 minute overrun or so. The match got about nine minutes. I was hoping for something like twenty minutes. Of course considering it was three guys in the ring at once that meant for spot after spot, I guess to promote Survivor Series. I liked when Michaels got in there against Undertaker he took off his stupid green DX armbands to show that he was serious. Things started to break down with Show whipping Undertaker into the guard rail. Vintage elbow by Michaels on Cena, who then turned it into the AA, which led to HHH tagging back in with a spinebuster. Show gave him the headbutt, HBK superkicked Show and Jericho hit the Codebreaker on Michaels, which led to Undertaker giving Jericho the chokeslam. Hunter clotheslined Undertaker out of the ring, then turned around and Cena pinned him with the Attitude Adjustment. I'm picking Hunter on Sunday now. Post match, Undertaker gave Cena a Tombstone to mostly cheers from the NYC crowd. The show ended with Undertaker posing with the title as everybody else was out on the floor selling the beating from "the biggest main event in the history of Raw"...that only got eight minutes.There are probably people out there that think Undertaker giving the Tombstone to Cena to end the show means they're doing Undertaker vs. Cena at Mania. I think, as I've written before, that it's a possibility only because it hasn't been done since Cena's been a top guy. I have no idea, though.Three Stars of the Show1. Kofi Kingston - Great work by him again. The crowd believes in him.2. Randy Orton - Loving what he's doing with Kingston right now. As I wrote in the roster evaluation he needs to have a defining feud with a new star. This is perfect so far.3. The crowd - They get a star. I love the New York crowd. Like I said before they need to do Raw live at MSG twice a year at least. If every crowd was as hot as this it would make the shows better.Rating: 7 (out of 10)Last week: 3.5It was a much better show than last week. Wrestling wise it wasn't a great show although I did enjoy the main event for the spotfest that it became. You'd think that they'd get more time for the match, though. I'm assuming the Piper/McMahon and DX segments were the culprits for taking up too much time because they both seemed to run too long.The question I have coming out of this show is will people remember the big moments like Kingston putting Orton through the table or Undertaker giving the Tombstone to Cena? Or will they forget about it by next week just like Cena giving Orton the Attitude Adjustment on top of the cell? It's important to make these things have a significant impact on the future of the show.I don't want to say that WWE fails to try in other venues. It's just that they clearly try a lot harder when they're at MSG. Why not have that effort every week in terms of the booking as well as the execution of the show? I don't know. The crowd helped a lot, though. It reminds me of ten years ago when every week it was sold out. The more legit noise you can generate from the audience the better the show.------------Thoughts from the Facebook friends aka CommentFestHere are some random thoughts from some of my facebook friends (just head to Facebook.com/thejohnreport
) after I asked for some comments about the show. The comments in green are from the CommentFest while my comments, which will usually be sarcastic, will follow in the brackets when necessary.LET'S GET READY TO COMMENT!!!!!
(I guess they are ready.)I can't believe Luiz Guzman hasn't made the transition to romantic leading man yet.OH SHIT ITS THE SHEIK.
(Some fans love him.)Ohh god iron sheik is still alive.
(Others not so much.)Show gets a ten if Piper lifts up the kilt and pulls The Goat on Guzman.god copying snl whats next? hhh, shawn micheals and xwaglle (sean waltman reference ftw) doing dick in a box?The new intro song sucks Vintage balls.OMG! Kelly Kelly is the the the the opening video for Raw! Kelly Kelly!!!!!!!!!
(Hey it's the crazy Kelly Kelly fan! We'll call him Crazy Crazy. It's catchy.)Markout for the famous msg short entranceway!!!!!!!!Hasn't Raw had "one of the greatest main events in Raw history" like, 10 times this year already?
(Eleven actually.)Starting out Raw with a wrestling match? Who let Vince fall asleep?
(Blame Linda.)Miz and his Really's is REALLY annoying.I don't know why, but I love the MSG entrance. It's my star of the show.
(I was going to give it a star, but now you stole it. Thanks.)Go on Miz, tell them how awesome Cleveland is at giving the teams in the World Series #1 starters.
(CC Sabathia and Cliff Lee. The AAA Indians representing!)I must say... I greatly dislike the Miz... but calling out the yankees for buying their championship made me like him for 2.2 seconds.Holy fuck balls? Continuity in WWE? They remembered the MVP-Sheri Sheppard fling?!Is that wall there so that Mark Henry can burst through in the middle of the match with an "Ooooh Yeh!" Love that Kool-Aid.
(If he did then for the first time ever Mark Henry would be the first star of the show.)Did Cole just rip on the Knicks when Ballin' was perfomed? Wow just wow.
(Why the wow? They're an easier target to make fun of than Michael Cole is.)A physical match, says Michael Cole... 5 minutes of pure physicality!stevie ray is facing melina for the divas championship tonight
(It's on like neckbone, sucka!)Two title matches, a triple threat tag team match with 6 of the top 10 stars active and an actual wrestler as the guest host... It's like they actually care about tonight's Raw. Maybe I missed something.
(Only because it's in New York. When it's not there they don't give a shit. Don't worry.)I miss living on the East Coast. I'd be in the Garden in section 108 with the following sign - My girlfriend wants to beat me because of Mickie James-Canton.
(That's a lot of signage.)Chavo's entered during the commercial. This will end well for him.Vintage battle of the jobbers. Santino will win with the roll up.
(And he did.)20 minutes in and 2 cheap ny references, no make it 3, wait 4, no 5, wow santino has fallen this fall.I don't know if anybody else noticed this, but this Chavo guy looks quite a bit like Kerwin White!!
(Hey, get it right. It's future Hall of Famer Kerwin White.)Now I know why the mets have been cursed recently...michael cole is a mets fan.
(Yep.)"Hey Chavo, Eddie was better."
(Yep.)Santino= Best wrestler of all the times!GLOWSTICKS OUT!!!!! Im READY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Haha, I wish I had a leprechaun following me around imitating me. Maybe if I start carrying around glow sticks it will happen.YES! I AM READY...TO SKIP...HOLD MY GLOW STICKS IN AN X FORMATION...THEN THROW THEM AT PEOPLE...ARE YOU READY???Hey I'm HHH and have been using the same catchphrases for 10 years...how are you doing??
(Hey, that's crazy talk. How can you forget Hunter the McMahon Family Avenger? He was too busy staring and puffing out his cheeks to spout catchphrases. He was fighting for his family's honor! Ah fuck it, I hated HTMFA too.)Who thought it'd be a good idea to cut santino's trombone victory dance in favor of dee ecks?HHH doesn't know what implode means. He should though, it's what happened to his quad several years ago.
(Twice.)HORNSWOGGLE ON RITALIN?? NICE JOB, WWE!!Just when it looks like they are going to hype the pay per view... we get more hornswoggle... Unbelievable.
(Priorities, ya know?)YYYYYYYEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!!YYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MIDGET ASS-WHOOPING!!!!!!!!THEY DID IT! THEY SQUASHED HIM LIKE THE BUG HE IS! VINTAGE TRIPLE H SQUASHING!Thank you Triple H....get that fucking leprechaun off my tv screen.Greatest pedigree of all time.And that's why Linda has cut all ties. But I could not help but laugh at HHH's face as he was holding him for the Pedigree.
(Yes, those politicians with a midget agenda would call her out on this.)A semi-racist joke then a pedigree to a little person...vintage sophistication.How is it *SERIOUS VOICE* When chavo hits hornswollow, but hahahahahahaha oh HHH you silly goose.
(You can't explain SERIOUS VOICES~! You can only hope to contain them. They said the same thing about Michael Jordan.)I picked the greatest night to actually watch Raw again. That Midgegree was well worth it.Hey here is an idea that won't happen....Horny screws DX out of the title or costs them the match tonight.
(Yes because moving the belt around every month has already killed the belt. Might as well involve the midget.)If i hear that damn song one more time, I'm going to drive my car into a elementary school.
(The song? Happy Birthday. Hide the children!)So the wwe finally decided to use a real rap artist? Vince really must be dead.
(Nah, just napping. Old people nap.)Great to see some of the old clips that actually mean something in wrestling history.Nice to see they acknowledged Angle, Foley, Lesnar, Goldberg, Eddie in that package. Eddie more so than anyone. But the others witht he terms they left on, I was partially surprised.Two "matches" forty minutes in...gotta love how much they paid for their seats in MSG.I am becoming a Chris Masters fan. What is happening?
(As soon as he wrestles you stop being a fan. It's easy.)His boobs are bigger than the bella twins.I TOLD YOU THATS WHY MASTERS WAS HIRED BACK! Geez no one believes me anymore...
(Thanks for posting, creepy fan of men that make their boobs dance. Pat Patterson?)If you can tell me why Judah Friedlander is here, I'll give you a dollar.
(Nope. Can't explain it.)Mickie James-Canton sighting at 9:47pm eastern time.
(Yes.)9:50, MICKIE JAMES-CANTON SIGHTING!!!
(One of them is right. Both are winners.)o o jillian my baby.
(See that? Jillian has a fan!)MICKIE JAMES-CANTON MAKES HER TRIUMPHANT RAW RETURN!!!! A little late, but happy bday John.
(I'm in tears. Those super tight jeans she was wearing are such a nice gift.)OMG..It's my girl Mickie James-Canton!!! (Thanks for posting John!)
(Wow, somebody stole my material! I'm touched! Thanks for posting, creative thinker.)Meanwhile somewhere Batista just pulled a groin muscle.
(Ha. This made me chuckle legit.)oh poor jillian come to me baby i wont let that mean mickie james-canton hurt you
(That's cute. I think.)Ah, a divas match, and Hey Look, Its Mickie James-Canton!!!! What a shocker!! She's here just for you John......and the rest of us who like to those big girls get smashed together.Eve, Kelly, Mickie am I dreaming? Note with all the respect to Mr. and Mrs. Canton.
(See that, people? Respect! Thank you!)John, your wife is looking hot dude!
(Of course. It was love at first sight...of her ass...and everything else.)VINTAGE MICKEY JAMES-CANTON POST ATTEMPT TO GET ON THE RAW DEAL TOMOROW POSTY THINGY STUFF........MICKEY JAMES-CANTON!
(You spelled Mickie wrong. And I'm not correcting you. Three hour Raw next week. She'll be on it. Get it right next time!)John is gonna have a hard time choosing which suck up MJC comment to post tomorrow! :)
(True. So I posted most of them. Was there even a match?)Kelly Kelly....Kelly.....Kelly....Kelly....Kelly...kelly
(That's not Crazy Crazy, but it was such a deep post in terms of its message that I had to post it.)You're right, King. WWE & USA Network is better than you and Cole.ROH shirt in the front row. Way to market another company Vince!
(I don't support confiscating shirts off dudes.)I'm sorry, but is Piper drunk?
(No, just old. Circle of life.)What's with all the Hogan references tonight???
(DVD out on Tuesday.)PIPER VS. VKM YESSSS!!!VINTAGE "WHAT" CHANT!Hot Rod farewell tour 1 stop... MSG.So.....um...Hour and ten minutes in we've had three matches and now I'm watching two old men insult each other like seven year olds.
(Contract extension, baby!)7,000 car crashes and 30 matches, wow hot rod is really fucked up tonight.7000 car wrecks sounds like raw for a couple of years.Fucking piper messes up on the mic, and he makes it sound like he planned it that way. Piper=Awesome.Wow did they just cut off McMahon?! Someone's getting fired!
(I'm picking Carlito.)By night, he's Sheamus, by day, he's the alternative of active boards across the school systems!Being as he is the Celtic Warrior, shouldn't Sheamus have some Irish-y music? Hell, creative isnt even fully thinking through the character development anymore. Wait... what am I saying, anymore... that implies they have done it.I love that Sheamus = ~Serious Voices~.
(Yeah, they go together like wine and cheese.)Is that Joe Cada and Dennis Phillips sitting behind the timekeepers?
(Poker reference? Sure, you make it in.)Vintage cheapshot on jerry lawler.Wtf he doesn't go after cole?!?!?! Fuck you sheamus!!!!!NOOOOOO not King! You were suppose to destroy Cole. Do you know what you have done you fool? Now the vintages will run rampant and unchecked.Vince: I will go buy a December 2 Dismember DVD if Sheamus ends the career of Michael Cole.
(Come on Vinny Mac, he's serious! Nobody saw that PPV. That's something good for ya to tell the investors.)Sheamus has something in common with my socks. They are both bright white. The crowd is even PG: fan to king "F him up!!!" lol.Kicking it with the King new Raw segment!Yay for Striker. I hated him as a wrestler but have come to love him as a commentator.Kingston's team...one of these things just doesn't belong here...lol
(Sesame Street reference!)Oh yeah Swagger had a huge streak, what was it two weeks?Bourne vs Braun??? that is a FINE idea... maybe Kofi Kingston, Kobe Kingston, and Kofi Johnston could have a triple threat too?Start your timers people, this match is getting 3 minutes!
(This is in reference to Jack vs. Evan.)Told YOU!! 3 MINUTES!!
(It's true. Win.)That wath a beautiful powerbomb, ekthpertly applied by the mathter of the lithp, Jack Thwagger!Vintage Viper. At least he has a shorter walk to the ring this week. HAHAHA Love the mis-timed music... Way to go production!MUSIC CUE FAILFEST!
(Adding fest to words = great success.)I'm going to bed. I've seen this all before.
(This is out of context, but to the dudes out there if a chick says this to you it's not a good thing. I'm just saying. Not that I would know...really.)Nice to see Orton get owned for a change.Vintage heel announcing with Matt Striker. "Nobody's holding Kofi back. That's not fair!!"Wow, they're serious about the push that Kofi is getting. This is insane. This is good. THIS IS VINTAVGE STAR MAKING on WWE's part.Oh shit, REAL BLOOD, call a medic, go to commercial!!!
(Thanks for posting, Vinny Mac.)Orton is bleeding!!! Get the medical crew out there to crazy glue his head shut!!!
(Two in a row, Vince.)A very well done, effective brawl between Kofi & Orton. The crowd is responding favorably too.Who is this board of directors Stryker mentioned approving matches??? He means HHH, HBK, and Vince right?
(Pretty much, yeah.)Best Raw of the year so far, and I'm not saying that cause I live in NY.John gets his wish...Orton gets his feud where he makes someone else into a legitimate star (so it seems/we hope).
(We'll see about the PPV matches. So far so good, though.)Real match or not... Kofi/Orton was the FUCKIN' SHIT!!And ladies and gentlemen...that was the day Kofi Kingston was made...Kofi made me believe in raw again! He is now my new fav Raw wrestler, hope the aggression and the push continue!Watching that huge MSG crowd chant Kofi's name was amazing. I know he probably had butterflies in his stomach and a HUGE Adrenaline rush.
(Well deserved too.)John Cena, protector of women and children, is going to overcome the odds again.It's the nuances that make Jericho great. Turning sideways so the plebians can't touch him - just perfect.The ramp is 10 feet long, and they still manage to make Taker's entrance last 7 minutes.VINTAGE TRIPLE H WITH A SPINE-BUSTER....11:08HBK is serious now. Off come the wristbands.COLE SAID CLASSIC MICHAELS! FIRE HIM!VINTAGE MICHAELS! That's 2.Nice sell on the spinebuster! I bought that it actually hurt Cena... here come the finishers! SPOTFEST!!!SUPERCENA down!!!!!!!! UNDERTAKER for PRES!Oh and hes fucking selling it. what the shit is going on here, Cena is selling a move for longer than 3 seconds? Oh this is the end of all reality in wrestling, theres no way anyone can keep cena down for that long. THIS SHIT IS FAKE! I KNEW IT! Vintage.
(Yes, vintage sarcasm.)I hope they do go with Cena/Taker for Mania. Because we know Cena won't win. No way they book Taker to lose. HBK was the only person I thought it could ever possibly happen to.Why can't every Raw be from the Garden....WWE+MSG=entertainment.
(Because no other cities matter.)What takes longer, Randy's usual ring entrance or John reading through 1000 comments?
(I think I have Randy beat. 1200 comments. At least I'm not vintage drunk this week.)Thanks for the participation as always.------That's it. Remember to check out the blog located at
johnreport.wordpress.com and I'll see you later in the week for a Survivor Series preview on Thursday.Have a great week.Smell ya later,John Canton - email@example.com
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