After a two week hiatus, The RAW Rewind is back. Last time we joined you, RAW was pushed out of the Manhattan Center due to the Blizzard of 93. This week, RAW is back home so let’s see what’s on tap for this week.

 

WWF RAW 3/22/93

Vince McMahon, Randy Savage and Rob Bartlett are back at the announce table. The show abruptly cuts to a video detailing Hulk Hogan and WWF’s involvement at the Michael Landon dinner from the previous Monday. The dinner served to raise money for children suffering from leukemia. Then, the self-serving charity video that aired to close out the show last is shown again. After the video, we hear from Hogan at the dinner where he presents Vince with an award. Vince comes to the podium to the Rocky theme song of all things. He gives a speech where he says he’s very honored and humbled to receive this award and he’s accepting it on behalf of the WWF Superstars who are out there donating their time to brighten the days of the sick children. After ten minutes, the open to RAW finally plays.

Even to this day, WWE does tremendous charity work whether it is Make a Wish or the Tribute to the Troops or the WrestleMania Reading Challenge. It may have been a very high honor for Vince to receive the award (I not versed enough of the Michael Landon dinner to really know) but to open the show with it and show the entire speech and replay the same video they showed last week left a sour taste in my mouth. Remember, Vince was in some trouble with the government at the time as they were building a case against him for distributing steroids to the wrestlers. The whole thing came off as propaganda to make Vince look like a good guy.

We sat through Vince’s brainwashing to get to the Bushwhackers whacking away in the balcony of the Manhattan Center. Oh boy, I can tell already this is going to be a long show.

The Bushwhackers beat Damien Demento and The Repo Man (-*)

Yep, that’s a negative rating right there. When the Repo Man is by far the best wrestler in a tag match, you know you’re in trouble. Even as a kid I wasn’t a fan of the Bushwhackers. I never got the allure of having some toothless strangers lick your face. I cringe whenever they have a match on a show I’m reviewing. They’re probably the worst regular tag team of all time. Their move set included the dreaded Double Ass Bite which they used to perfection in this match. They picked up the win with the Battering Ram to finally end the match that sent tag team wrestling back 15 years.

Tatanka pinned Reno Riggins (SQUASH)

This was just a quick squash to keep Tatanka looking strong as he heads into his Intercontinental Championship Match with Shawn Michaels at WrestleMania. Through the first three months of RAW we’ve seen a lot of Tatanka. He’s been the most booked wrestler on the show.

We are now taking to a highlight video of Andre the Giant’s career. Andre is the first entrant into the WWF Hall of Fame.

Money Inc defeated John and Jesse Armstrong (SQUASH)

This may have been halfway entertaining if the Jesse Armstrong in this match was Jesse James Armstrong AKA The Road Dogg. Unfortunately, it wasn’t. The match was so entertaining that they actually showed Bartlett channel surfing during the match. IRS secured the win for the Tag Champs with a flying clothesline to keep the Champs on a roll heading into WrestleMania.

We head to Mean Gene with the WrestleMania Report. It’s nothing we haven’t heard for the past month already.

Doink beat Kamala via Count Out (-*)

Yup, going negative stars again. This was awful. Doink distracted Kamala by giving him a gift. Then he used a stunning array of leg trips and arm bars to keep Kamala at bay. Somewhere along the way, Kamala started smacking his belly which caused Doink to run away. While the chased ensued on the floor, Kamala saw the gift and tried to open it and this caused his to be counted out. After the match, Doink tried to hit Kamala with a chair but Kamala got the chair and chased Doink out of the arena.

We’re now at the announce desk where Bartlett is with his Fan Club which consists of three fat chicks in bathing suits. He makes out with one of them. That snowball is an unstoppable force rolling down the mountain at this point.

To close out the show, Vince hypes the March to WrestleMania special that will air this Sunday. Yokozuna will battle Randy Savage in the Main Event.

The Diagnosis

WORST RAW EVER. I’m out. (Drops mic).

 

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