(Note from John: I don't have time to host Commentfest anymore, but I want to make it a part of the site. Marc "Fozzy" B. and regular Commentfester Andy Staed will host it every other week. Andy's giving it a go this week. Here it is.)
Welcome to Commentfest. I’m Andy Staed, long-time TJR reader and general awesome person. If you’re reading this, you know what it is. For those of you that don’t, though, basically John sets up the thread on the TJRwrestling Facebook page, and you add your comments on that as the show goes on. Then Marc or I (depending on the week) will reap the ones that we find best and put it into this celebration of objectivity and stupidity that we lovingly refer to as Commentfest.
The reader comments are in green and blue while my comments will follow in regular font and in brackets when necessary. A little bit about me? I’m a 20-year-old college student and blah blah blah you’re probably not reading this, let’s get to the comments.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...BOYS AND GIRLS....CANTONIANS OF ALL AGES....Are you ready? NO! I SAID...ARRRRGGHHH...YOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUPPP...READDDDDDDDDIIIIIEEESSSSS!!???!! Are you ready for awesome as Hell matches that don't end decisively? Well, then you should have watched last night. Are you ready for highlights from Kane & D-Bry's trip to Disneyland? Yeah, me too. Are you ready for FRUITY FRUITY DELICIOUS DELICIOUS FRUITY BAH GAWD HE BROKE HIM IN HALF WITH A BOTTLE OF BBQ SAUCE, and...A WRESTLING GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDD?! Well, you came on the right night. Break out the lube, because our own hairless bear Staedmuffin is coming for you, cracka! Get your hashtags ready, and #GetWellJerry, because you're on TJRWrestling.Com, and this is....RAW....IS.....COMMENTFEST! Or...ERMAHGERD ERTS KERMITFIRST!
So Eve won the Divas title last night? Yes!!!!!!!! Yes!!!!!!!! Yes!!!!!!!!! Yes!!!!!!!! Yes!!!!!!!!!! Yes!!!!!!!! Yes!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes!!!!!!!!! Yes!!!!!!!! Yes!!!!!!!! Yes!!!!!!!!! Yes!!!!!!!!! Yes!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes!!!!!!!!! Yes) !!!!!!! Yes l!!!!!!!!! Yes!!!!!!!!! Yes!!!!!! Yes!!!! Yes!!!!!!!!!! Yes!!!!!!! Yes!!!!!! for the love of god yes!!!!!!!! (Apparently she has a fan)
Generic Name here for Commentfest. Tonight Raw will be called by the greatest commentator ever, Jim Ross and the wrestling God, JBL. What? Oh yeah, apparently someone named Michael Cole will be there too.
This will be better than any previous Raw before it. (this guy has high hopes. This guy was disappointed)
If kane and bryan dont hug, we riot.
JR and JBL on commentary tonight: I am very much looking forward to Raw if only for that. JBL was excellent last night.
Punk's gained weight and lost some hair.
Are... You... Ready... For JR? (yes.)
Raw starts off with Heyman on the mic. This is good.
VINTAGE PINK ROPE! Yesterday is vintage, right?
What is controversial about the finish? Cena was stupid enough to keep his shoulders on the mat during the pinning attempt. He should have no complaints.
Sadly, refs don't have entrance music.
Heyman is as good as JR.
Fire all the cameramen! Just put people in the crowd with camera phones since they get better angles! (Hulk Hogan? Sounds like one of your brilliant plans)
Wait...the WWE says at all live events that fans are not allowed to shoot any video and yet they air a "fan's" video on RAW? So the message is: record video at live events with your camera phone and we'll show it on RAW.
Cena, take your own advice and shut up. Please.
"God I hate him" and thats why I'm a Heyman guy
I know it's for breast cancer, but pink makes Cena look even more ridiculous. (Sadly, cancer seems to have more commentfest fans than Cena)
Cena's ankle is as big as HHH's nose!
His ankle is taped like Smackdown; only for production value.
Can someone explain to me how the babyfaces can claim that retaining the WWE title for 300+ days doesn't merit respect? Didn't he win clean month after month?
I respect Cena for not handling a mixed crowd reaction like the thin skinned viper.
re•spect [ri-spekt]: esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability... just FYI... (knowledge bomb)
Voice of the Voice of the Voiceless!
Voice of the Voice of the Voiceless? Is Mel Brooks a writer for WWE Creative now?
Alberto Del Rio/Sheamus is the last thing we need to see again(Or Katie Vick)
Am i the only one who loves Aj's theme? (nope)
AJ? Brb, fapping.
I want to complain about how the character of AJ as GM is annoying but damn her legs look great tonight. (priorities!)
AJ Lee!!!! Marry Me!!!! (Kelly Kelly is disappointed)
Punk and ADR vs Cena and Irish Cena? Yeah, I think we all know who'll win that match...
My girlfriend just said she misses Tugboat. she's trying to get into it bless her. (you don’t have to start her at the very beginning!)
Love Cole's shirt!
So Cole is face now? That's got to be one of the most unusual face turns of all-time.
Oh damn...Cole is wearing a tribute shirt to King AND a breast cancer ribbon? Well, there goes my unbridled hatred for him. (all it takes is a life-threatening heart attack and a terminal illness. So kind!)
JBL!!! Now this night is oficially awesome
JBL, the saviour of commentary.
Oh this ones gonna be a Slobbernocker!
JR, AND JBL? Is this... is this heaven?
FRUITY FRUITY DELICIOUS DELICIOUS FRUITY FRUITY ANDY BAH GAWD HE BROKE HIM IN HALF FRUITY FRUITY FRUITY DELICIOUS FRUITY SKITTLES!
A Goatee? Baw Gawd!! That's JR's evil twin!!!
Hard to hate on Cole when he is being genuinely nice. But Michael Coultard is probably a nice guy... remember kids... ITS ENTERTAINMENT(logic? Kindness? Compassion? Get out of the IWC!)
Am I too late for the JBL/JR fap fest? What a team tonight. (just made it)
Epico and Primo are heels again? Or are they just random jobbers now? (yes. To which question? Who knows.)
Arm Stretch to Commercial? The floor gets no love tonight.
rosa es muy caliente!!! :-) (equal opportunity perverts)
Sin cara in a head lock back from commercial. Sorry kofi
JR, you could have called that tornado DDT a "Flip dee doo Surprise" and I'd still enjoy hearing you call moves.
Can we call that finisher a Sin-Ton Bomb?
I don't understand how the seated senton is supposed to hurt someone... "Oh No!!! Jumping Balls to the face!!! he is out cold!!!"
Jeez....don't let Darren Young have a mic...yikes....
IIIII Am the tag team Champions!!
Commentfest is going to hell tonight. (always nice to see the fans!)
Please turn off Layla's mic!
Wanna tell me who the host of Miz TV is again, Cole? I missed it.
wait...is Beth Phoenix a face now? I thought we left Canada.
Remember when Kelly Kelly came back for a little bit? Pepperidge Farm remembers.
Bret Hart frowns when he watches the Funkasaurus.
I liked Clay better when he randomly spouted out stuff during his matches. (Like Michael Cole does?)
Hey, there stupid Tough Enough girl. Or is that stupid DUI girl? Either way, she's hot but she has the mental capacity of a candy bar.
I hope Ceasaro can say King Hippo in five languages. (punch-out references always get you in)
The cops believed that Cameron wasn't a WWE Diva when she told them her favorite match of all-time was Melina vs. Alicia Fox.
I don't understand why people wear short ties, just get a bow tie, bow ties are cool. (Doctor Who reference. In!)
Wade Barrett should have gotten a main event push right at the start. He doesn't need jobber matches.
oh Miz, you want to be Jericho so bad...
Highlight Reel>>>>>>>>>>>Miz TV.
Miz needs Tony Atlas as a sidekick.
He forgot Carlito's Cabana!!!!! (lucky)
Wait isn't that MVPs furniture from his show?
Whoever thought "Hey!!! Let's give the Miz his own show" should be fired
FEED ME BORE!!!.... right?
some one from the crowd got hold of the mic!
Throwing furniture is unimpressive, I can do that and not even be sober.
When I come home at night, I like to play my favorite wrestler's theme song (ex. CM Punk) and pretend I'm walking down the ramp of Wrestlemania (Don't print this) (I pretended I was Randy Savage at graduation)
Coming up on RAW, it's RAW Active time. Next week, do you want to see Jerry Lawler be interviewed while wearing his crown, interviewed outside of Elvis's home, or interviewed with The Kat? Tweet #KingCrown, #KingElvis, or #KingKat. Results will be announced at the end of RAW.
Oh, will someone finally drown that retarded kitten Santino in the river already? Show some mercy people.
Dolph Ziggler, y u no cash in Money in the Bank yet? (his momentum isn’t low enough to warrant becoming world champion yet)
....anyone else interested in seeing Dolph sell the Cobra? Just a lil' bit?
JBL is going to turn Ziggler face by himself...
That Zig Zag move looks like it really hurts.... Yourself.
I miss the Nexus(I miss The Corre)
Wade Barrett, yes! Aww but he's going to kill Justin Gabriel :/
It's my boy, Justin Gabriel! You guys better watch this guy, he's going to be a World Champion one day! (sure.)
Barrett has a beard now, that makes him serious...
maybe more Nexus members should have chocked out Justin Roberts with a tie
Happy Birthday Lil Jimmy!
Oh god, Jared. Shoot me now.
I would hate to be at the same buffet as Ryback
As an Irish citizen I am slowly finding Sheamus more and more offensive as each week goes on. (Don’t think, just drink)
Dear JR and JBL: While I know it's a shame that you are here under the most terrible of circumstances, but I would like tho thank you for doing such a wonderful job of calling the matches, putting over talent, not treating us like morons, and most importantly, making Michael Cole turn his douche bag button off and actually remember that he's an analyst. My only hope is that you can stay together for the entirety of Lawler's absence. Thank you. Sincerely, Fozzie Bear, Director of Human Resources, Cantonia
Did they get to eat their subs before the match? (We ask the hard-hitting questions here)
Dbry could sit ringside all night and there still wouldn't be any other wrestler more entertaining than him.
LOL. JBL nailing Cole and Cole trying desperately to ignore it. (Didn’t that happen with Heidenreich?)
After two years of hearing Cole blabber on and on and belittle Lawler/JR/whoever as part of his heel act, having JBL completely shut his ass down in 30 seconds is fantastic.
Just got here, but how many times have people commented how much JBL is "The best commentator in the world"?(A lot.)
I'M THE GREATEST TAG TEAM OF ALL TIME! (Ladies and gentlemen, Scott Steiner)
I AM SPARTACUS!!! (Ladies and gentlemen, Spartacus)
Kane and Daniel Bryan saying "I'm the tag team champions" reminds of Spongebob when they were fighting over who is Dirty Dan
Tensai is Japanese for boring as shit, right?
They keep saying that Orton was the youngest ever champion, but who did he beat? They never seem to acknowledge it, like his opponent has been stricken from the record books, never to be spoken about again. (Bob Holly)
Even Orton looks bored in this match.
Why do the live audiences think that chanting Tensai's old ringname is somehow an insult? I never understood that. Yes, he used to go by Albert. So what?
I say JBL and JR better get 10/10 for commentary tonight. And the rest of the show....4/10.
On behalf of everyone, Otunga is greasy...
Sandow! Raw is saved!
No one wears a bathrobe better than Sandow...
how long has Vince being trying to get the intellectual superior gimmick over? Professor Lanny Poffo, Dean Douglas...didn't they try it with Striker for awhile? Will Sandow finally get it over(Rasslin’ fans hate smart people…and thinking. And soap.)
Your winner and intellectual savior-Damien Sandow. You're welcome.
The only thing that would complete JBL's time on Raw for me is if he drags out The Blue Meanie and beats his fat cellulite ass again.
Wwe films? That movie looked scary as fck! (did you SEE the acting in 12 Rounds!? Terrifying!)
They managed to get pink on the tron for Cena's entrance tonight. I wonder why they didn't have that ready last night? (Rise above procrastination!)
That's it for tonight's show....Andy- the check is in the mail...don't use it all at one male strip club. Later, Cantonia. (No John Burgundy to end my first night? Boo, you whores!)
And that’s a wrap. Thanks everybody for making my first foray into commentfest-hosting a successful one. Hope it was as good for you guys as it was for me!
Be sure to dumb it down again next week as we’re back to being hosted by Marc “Fozzy/Fozzie/Dyslexia” Berman. To join in on the fun visit the TJRwrestling Facebook page for more info.
Plug time! (you have to buy me dinner first)
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