Faithful readers, due to a lack of actual storyline progression and in-ring action this week, I decided that I did not have enough material to write a true Week in Review.  Because everything took a backseat to video packages and other promotional materials hyping Wrestlemania, I decided write a special column this week.  Don’t worry, next week I’ll be back with another batch of opinions regarding the weekly offerings of WWE programming.Some of my colleagues at the John Report this week dedicated a column to predicting the outcome of Wrestlemania.  I thought about doing the same, but ultimately felt that it would be redundant to produce another prediction column.  I needed to come up with something fresh, something new.  To get the creative juices flowing, I got buck-naked in my inflatable tub filled with mayonnaise, sat in the lotus position, and tried to induce an out-of-body experience. I tried to focus my attention on Wrestlemania, but every time I did, I kept getting random flashes:  Eric Bischoff, Hulk Hogan, Hall of Fame Ring, Vince Russo, mediocrity.  Needless to say, I was distraught.  Why would I think of TNA when I tried to think about Wrestlemania?<!--more-->…And then it hit me.  What if?  What if I woke up tomorrow and the powers that be at TNA were the same powers that booked Wrestlemania?  Suddenly a divine voice entered my mind and I could see with my third-eye a flowing yellow and red boa: “…Come on, brother!  I’ll show you how it’s done!  It’s time to put the smack down on Vince’s crippled ass.  Yeah, brother, brother…brother….brother……”My whole world started swirling; my mind spiraled down a dark abyss until all became black.  When I “awoke” I found myself in a white room with no windows or doors.  The only thing in the room with me was a wide screen TV.  Suddenly, a disclaimer came on screen: “Wrestlemania 26 as booked by the TNA creative team”  Oh God, what had I done?Here is my vision…Match 1: Unified WWE Tag Team ChampionshipThe match is strong enough.  Morrison performs some wicked high spots and The Miz makes a strong case that he belongs on the big stage.  Unfortunately, for the home television audience, there are two TV-boxes, one at the top right corner of the screen and the other at the bottom left corner running two different promos consecutively.  The boxes literally cover half the screen. The promo at the bottom left corner involves MiTB participants being interviewed by the Bella Twins while the promo at top right involves Sheamus screaming as loud as he can. Because everything is running consecutively it is impossible to process what is going on; it’s a complete clusterfuck.  When the boxes finally go away, The Miz is standing over John Morrison holding his unified tag belts.Match 2: 10-Man Money In The Bank Ladder MatchChristian Vs. Dolph Ziggler Vs. Kane Vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Jack Swagger Vs. Montel Vontavious Porter Vs. Matt Hardy Vs. Evan Bourne Vs. Drew McIntyre Vs. Kofi KingstonA surprise eleventh man entrant is added to the match at the last minute: It’s Hornswoggle! The production team loads him into a circus cannon and fire him at the MiTB suitcase. The original plan was for Hornswoggle to grab the suitcase and claim victory, but his trajectory is off the mark. He soars into the crowd taking out a nine year old kid wearing stupid orange crap.   Moments later he’s seen stumbling toward the ring apron. Delirious, he makes his way back to the ring. None of the wrestlers know what to do because a contingency plan was never devised in the case that the stunt didn't go as planned. The participants spend the next ten minutes looking confusedly at one another before inexplicably grabbing Hornswoggle and throwing him up at the suitcase. It takes four or five tries but he eventually grabs it. He unlatches the suitcase and plummets to the ground with it.Match 3: No Holds Barred Bret Hart vs. Vince McMahonHart and McMahon square off to finish the feud of the decade.  The match is the brawl that everyone expected.  Vince and Hart spend a lot of time outside the ring beating each other with various household appliances.  Finally, Bret drags Vince’s sorry carcass to the middle of the ring and applies the sharpshooter.  The crowd is frantic, jumping up and down and going completely ballistic. But Vinny Mac just won't tap. But wait, Eric Bischoff comes “OUT OF NOWHERE!”  and demands that the referee ring the bell!  Ding, ding, ding!! Yes, the the Montreal Screwjob has been recreated for the umpteenth time. Bischoff Screws Vince!!!Match 4: Triple H vs. SheamusBefore the match, the internet community is abuzz.  It becomes public knowledge that the day before Wrestlemania Triple H divorced his wife Stephanie McMahon and immediately began dating Brooke Hogan.  She accompanies Triple H to the ring wearing one of Triple H’s DX t-shirts.  During the match, Brooke uses outside interference to distract the referee so Triple H can deliver a low blow to Sheamus and then deliver The Pedigree for the win. Brooke crawls into the ring to celebrate with her man: she kneels in front of Triple H and he proceeds in delivering DX chops and hip thrusts towards her mouth.Match 5: CM Punk vs. Rey MysterioThe match is a classic.  Both guys bust their asses in the ring. It all comes to a head, however, when the Straight Edge Society gets involved after the referee is knocked unconscious. Serena and Luke Gallows attempt to distract Mysterio from outside the ring, but Mysterio delivers a flying cross body to take both of them out. But it's enough of a distraction for Punk to take advantage. He delivers a Go To Sleep from the outside of the ring.  Soon after, the whole SES is beating down Mysterio. Suddenly, from out of the crowd, it's none other than the Nature Boy, Ric Flair!  He must be coming to help Rey Mysterio...but wait....IT'S A SWERVE!  Flair grabs a chair and smashes Mysterio over the head with it (chair shots to the head are awesome now!). All four heels get into the ring and Flair gets on the mic declaring that CM Punk is the "NEW NATCHAH BOY". Punk tells everyone that the "Straight Edge Society" will now be known as the "Non-Straight Edge Society". To celebrate, the NSES members each grab a bottle of jack and start swigging in the ring while Punk puts his face in between Serena's boobies.Match 6: Chris Jericho vs. EdgeBefore the match, Hulk Hogan comes to the ring:"OK Brother, I don't know what all this crap is with the WWE having two major titles, brother, but, brother, this stuff has gotta go!  That's why, I'm officially dissolving the World Heavyweight Championship, brother!"Hulk Hogan takes the title away from Jericho and walks up the ramp to the back. It appears as if Edge and Jericho were never actually told about this plan because it’s obvious that both have no idea what to do. The crowd has no idea what to think either. To give the fans their money’s worth Edge and Jericho decide to continue with the match anyway, but nobody cares anymore.  Realizing they’ve been screwed, Jericho and Edge give an intentionally lackluster performance overselling moves and basically making a mockery of the match. Ultimately, Chris Jericho wins when he grabs an imaginary belt and knocks Edge out with it. He holds the imaginary belt over his head after the ref makes the three count. Both men resign immediately after the match and are never heard from again.Match 7: Shawn vs. 'Taker (career vs. streak)The people who managed to stay this long are still fired up about this one. They are chomping at the bit as it were. The momentum of the match is like a pendulum; at one moment it seems like ‘Taker has the upper hand and the next minute Shawn is battling back.  The two kick out of multiple finishers just like WM25.  Finally, Taker goes to bash Shawn with a steel chair but OUT OF NOWHERE Shawn delivers Sweet Chin Music smashing the chair back into ‘Taker’s face.  Undertaker collapses with a thud.  The ovation is deafening.  Shawn goes for the cover… but wait, it's Hogan again. He appears at ring side holding his Hall of Fame ring. He gets in the ring and puts the ring in Taker's hand. The lights go out with a spotlight on Taker. Taker's body starts to shake. He sits up. Taker then puts the ring on his left hand and begins doing Hulk poses as the lights come back on. Shawn begins punching Taker in the face but it's causing Taker to Hulk-up. Shawn whacks away at Taker until…"Yoooou!".Taker delivers a big boot to the face, and then delivers six tombstones.  Shawn kicks out of each one.  There’s only one finisher, devastating enough, which could possibly destroy the career of Shawn Michaels.  Here it comes:  the Hulk Hogan Leg Drop!  1, 2, 3! Goodbye Shawn, it was nice knowing you.In between Match 7 and 8 it is explained that the Triple Threat between Orton, Cody, and Ted has been canceled. Apparently all three were abducted by ninjas before the show.Match 8: Batista vs. John Cena for the WWE ChampionshipThis is it, the MAIN EVENT! And it has all the makings of a classic. John Cena and Batista both exceed all the critic’s expectations when they combine sound technical wrestling with an impressive work rate.  Batista does things he’s never done before, going for risky top rope moves, even bouncing his head off the announce table causing the crowd to chant “Holy shit, holy shit!”.  There are near falls and submission moves, false finishes and exasperated facial expressions.  It’s the battle of a lifetime. The match has everything you'd want: drama, suspense, action, emotion, you name it. The crowd is standing on their feet, the ovation has reached a constant, deafening crescendo that lasts and lasts.  In an epic moment destined to be entered into the canon of legendary Wrestlemania finishes a broken Cena somehow climbs to the top rope holding Batista on his shoulders.  He’s about to deliver the most devastating FU ever (they call it the FU again because the product is edgier now).  Cena is just about to go for it goes off the air. Stay tuned for Monday Night RAW.(Credit goes to “Marty” from Chris Jericho’s Official Message Board for giving me the idea for the column.)