Okay, bear with me here.
The WWE has always been full of dumb attention grabbing gimmicks that extend beyond the ring. Vince McMahon actually tried to give away a million dollars once. It was a spectacular failure, mostly because Vince struggles to understand any technology that isn't a rotary phone. Donald Trump owned Raw for a hot minute despite the fact that it made literally no sense at all. But before either of those stupid ploys were put into effect, WWE had a raffle where they gave away a literal house located in America's sweaty penis, Orlando Florida.
Try to focus on the grainy image of the McMansion on the screen and ignore the patented Pettengill mullet.
As far as well thought out contests go, this probably had the least amount of brain energy invested to try and make this thing work. Basically what happened is fans sent in letters to try and attempt to win this gaudy monstrosity. In most cases of raffles the entries are put into a machine that sorts and randomly selects the winner after shuffling around the entries about a dozen times. Not with WWE though. They had something better than technology...
...A swimming pool full of letters, rakes, and two incompetent "journalists." This is an actual thing that happened.
They then shuffled around the letters that sat on top for about 10 seconds and then pulled out the winning letter, which belonged to 11-year-old Matthew Pomposelli. That's right, WWE gave a house to an 11-year-old, who a month later sold the joint for $175,000 because he was the most forward thinking 11-year-old ever.
So right now you're probably thinking "This is less a reality series pitch than it is Andrew reminding us that WWE did something weird 20 years ago" which is mostly right, but here's my pitch: I remember watching this and being A) Really perplexed that this was a thing that was actually happening, and B) Really disappointed that it was just a lame house. At the time the WWE didn't really have the resources to make it an awesome thing, but today the company seems to void $100 bills every time it uses the toilet. They could easily make the weirdest ass show about a WWE themed house and send a bunch of nerds like me to go live in it.
House attractions include:
-Breakaway dining room table with Spanish announcers
-Toolshed filled with nothing but sledgehammers
-A really nice swimming pool that you can't swim in because there's a Tugboat in it
-Narcissist vanity mirrors
-Red Rooster shaped mailbox
-Duke Droese as your garbage man (because he probably needs the work)
-Antonio Cesaro swingset in the backyard (it's just literally Cesaro swinging people around)
-A toilet programmed to say "WHAT A MANEUVER!" after every flush
-Fandango themed doorbell
-Bray Wyatt's rocking chair on the front porch. Also, Bray Wyatt
-Once a year Triple H breaks into your house and beats you up in front of your wife
I could go on, but I think you get the gist. That's just the stuff on the surface. WWE has deep pockets and a network that is desperate for content. Why not mix the reality series motif with a goddamn WWE-themed MYSTERY house? Just put some strangers in that joint, record them discovering weird WWE gimmicks in this wacky suburban dreamscape they call a home (picking up the house phone and finding out it only calls Brodus Clay's mama, for example), and start printing cash. And seeing that this is a million dollar idea, all I ask for in return WWE is that you let me live in this nutty paradise. Wave all creative fees; I just want to live in this f**king house.
Oh! Million Dollar Man safe that laughs when you open it. This stuff is gold.
(Got any ideas to that can go into the WWE House? Throw em down in the comment section.)
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