Total Divas Review: 8/18/2013
Before I get into what happened this week, let me state for the record that I think it was an awful idea to air a new episode of Total Divas at the same time as Summerslam (and all Pay Per Views going forward). I think WWE and E! network are really overestimating the crossover appeal of WWE. The ratings for Total Divas are mostly made up of WWE fans, so by running this show alongside a Pay Per View, you're either taking ratings points away from Total Divas or taking buys away from Summerslam. Granted, people could DVR the show, as I did this weekend, but as far as I know, networks are still judging the popularity of a show by how many people watch it as it airs for the first time. I'll be very interested to see how the ratings for this week's episode of Total Divas compared to the three weeks prior.
This week's episode was centered around one theme: insecurity. The three storylines prayed on the insecurities of three Divas: Nattie, Ariane and Nikki Bella. Nikki and Ariane were insecure about their bodies, and Nattie was insecure about her relationship.
Let me start with Nattie, who is an interesting case study for this show. Of the seven girls featured on Total Divas, Nattie is the only one who can actually classify herself as a wrestler. She is the daughter of one of my favorite 80s and 90s wrestlers, Jim "The Anvil" Neidhardt, and is a member of wrestling's famed Hart family. Her uncle is WWE Hall of Famer Bret "The Hitman" Hart. So of all the girls, she's the one who knows the most about what to do in the ring. She's also gorgeous, which is a huge plus. She doesn't have the typical stick-figure fitness model body of a Brie Bella (we'll get to that in a minute), but looks like a normal beautiful woman. This week, she gets the spotlight for the first time on the show, and her relationship with longtime boyfriend TJ Wilson (known in the WWE as Tyson Kidd). They're engaged, but their long-term relationship has hit a bit of a plateau. TJ is rehabbing from a serious knee injury, and has been focused more on rehabilitation than on his relationship, and the spark seems to be gone. Nattie bought some revealing underwear, but TJ was more concerned watching Daniel Bryan wrestle on Pay Per View, leaving Nattie to make the humorous comment: "I don't know if I have to dress up like Daniel Bryan for him to notice me." Conversation turned to their upcoming wedding, which hasn't been planned yet, and TJ makes the classic mistake of suggesting they go to the courthouse and make it official. Of course, this sets Nattie off, and as any married man could tell TJ, the wedding day has to be all about her. I was pretty impressed that Nattie was able to compromise with TJ by suggesting they have a wedding on the beach. I really enjoy watching these two, and will certainly be looking forward to more Nattie-centric episodes.
Elsewhere on Insecure Island, Nikki Bella is upset because some Twitter haters and her own sister are calling her, "The Fat Twin." I don't know how many times I've had to deal with a skinny girl who thinks she's fat, and there's absolutely no reasoning with them. They're like a force of nature. You can't even make jokes about them eating a little more than they're supposed to, or else they will tear your jugular out with their teeth. Nikki, of course, is gorgeous, but isn't as small as her 85-pound stick figure sister, Brie, who insists that they need to look identical for a Summerslam photoshoot, which is ridiculous. They end up making up without any true changing on either end, which is a trend that I'm sensing when watching this show.
The big problem I had with this episode was Ariane's storyline. First off, Ariane is awful. She's been awful since Tough Enough and she continues to be awful on Total Divas, her and her sweaty boyfriend Victor or Vincent or whatever the hell his name is. This week, she decided she wants to get breast implants because she was jealous of Nikki Bella (WHY????). She says that, "having boobs will give me that extra oomph and I'll definitely be the bomb.com."
Where the hell is that bottle of Jack?
This leads the gang, which includes Ariane, Trinity, and her fiancee John, to a plastic surgeon, and the consultant proceeds to flash the girls, who bring John in for a flashing and feel-up of his own.
Is this what happens when you go to a breast implant consultant? You just get to see and feel titties...in front of your fiancee? How come they're not advertising this? "Free Feel Ups!"
Anyway, Ariane gets to test drive the silicone implants, and promptly loses them in the pool and backstage at Raw. She eventually decides not to get the implants, and although she says she wants to be a role model for girls to be happy with their bodies, it seemed at first that the only reason she was not getting the implants was because she was afraid of surgery. Not really the most noble of intentions, is it, Ariane?
This was the best episode of the four I've seen so far, mostly due to us getting to explore Nattie and TJ's relationship, but unfortunately, they've promised us more Eva Marie next week. Wonderful. Can't wait.
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