Good morning Humanoids! I’m Lone “Fleetwood Mac’s cocaine handler” Star and these are today’s top stories!

Are you familiar with Antonio Cesaro? Of course you are, you watch Raw and complain about it. Did you know that while Mr. Cesaro was tearing it up on the American Indy Scene he was closely associated with a man by the name of Chris Hero? Did you know that man currently wrestles for NXT as Kassius Ohno and recently had a match with William Regal so brutal that people’s fingers were actually dislocated?

Yep, it was the shit-balls. With matches like that, as well as a pretty solid package as a performer, Ohno was one of NXT’s biggest prospects and among the most probable talents to jump up to the WWE’s main roster.

…..crap, I said “was”, didn’t I?

Following the Wyatt Family's recent WWE television debut, the next top star on the NXT roster scheduled to be called up was Kassius Ohno (formerly known as Chris Hero). However, due to issues with WWE management, those plans have been put on hold indefinitely.

According to a source, the creative team had a storyline to introduce Ohno this summer. He's long been praised for his in-ring work as well as his promo ability, but he was recently told to improve his physique before his upcoming WWE debut.

According to trainers at NXT, Ohno did not take the request seriously and was not giving a great effort with his weightlifting sessions. His overall attitude remained fine and he always gives a good effort in the ring, but word got back to Triple H about him being defiant regarding the weight training.

Since then, Ohno was pulled from the past two NXT TV tapings and it's believed that he's no longer on the "fast track" to WWE TV.

Now, reports like this make me skeptical. Who are the sources? What would the dropped storyline have been? Triple H gets cast as the bad guy again? But, having said all that,…….this rumor does sort of make sense. Ohno has quite suddenly stopped appearing on the NXT TV show, despite having been in a feud over the tag team championships and possessing the best beard on the show. He also looks like this:

Now, Kassius has incredible agility (and way, way, way, way, way more strength and athleticism than I will ever have) but he does not have the physique of a John Cena, Batista, Randy Orton or even a Fandango. It would not surprise me if the WWE wanted Ohno to look a little more ripped, especially when, in their eyes, that lack of washboard abs would be his main weakness.

But here’s the thing, I really don’t think Kassius would refuse to improve his physique because Ohno has already…umm….let’s just compare some pictures.

This was Ohno as Chris Hero during an earlier time in his career:

That’d be full spandex to cover up the flab down there. Still a phenomenal athlete, but covering up for a reason. And then there’s this:

That’s just straight chubb. And I know he was chubbier but can’t find a decent picture.

I did find video, though! (Watch)

You get the point. I’m not here to disparage Mr. Ohno, I’m just pointing out that the dude has changed his body for the better not once but twice, something he talked about during his excellent interview with Colt Cabana. Why wouldn’t he do it again?


-Antonio Inoki, WWE hall of famer and founder of New Japan Pro-Wrestling (totally not currently running it) was elected to a seat in the Japanese Diet. This is not Inoki’s first political office. Obviously it’s not the same situation but I do take some small comfort in knowing that as messed up as our politics are in the states, we at least haven’t voted the Ultimate Warrior into congress yet.

-Raw last night was basically the Daniel Bryan show starring Daniel Bryan with special guest Daniel Bryan. As soon as I find a video on youtube, especially of the Bryan vs Cesaro match, Imma be watchin’ that s**t!

And that’s the news! Be nice and enjoy wrestling!