Good morning Humanoids. I’m Lonestar the Adequate and these are today’s top stories.
As those of you listening to long range, low frequency sounds know, during Raw last night a man in Suburban West Virginia lost his ever-loving s**t, throwing his television out the window, producing sounds similar to an incensed Aardvark and elbow dropping an entire loaf of bread before high-fiving his lovely wife for completely unrelated reasons. After some quick research into the incident I’ve discovered that this un-named man was irate over the storyline firing of one Cody Rhodes.
When asked for comment this morning, Mr. Rhodes must have mistaken me for a deranged wrestling blog writer because he shut his front door in my face. Luckily he gave an interview to Josh Matthews before leaving the arena last night.
Raw also featured AJ Lee making a decision she immediately regretted by interfering in a divas match between Brie Bella, Natalya and Naomi. This poor strategic decision created a Four-way Diva’s title match for the upcoming Night of Champions PPV and apparently occurred while Big E was going to the bathroom or something.
Speaking of AJ Lee, this happened:
If you’re wondering why a nice young lady has inked lines into her neck, it stands for 6/16/13, the day she won her Divas title. It is not the number of times her character has done something sexual or devious to a male character, though I’m sure someone who thinks they’re really clever has cracked that joke on twitter already. Maybe even the Bella twins.
IN OTHER NEWS:
-It ain’t easy bein’ green, or a wrestler apparently. Mark Henry injured his hamstring over the weekend and Fandango got his nose broken yesterday on Raw, mostly because the Miz doesn’t know how to kick someone in the face without actually kicking someone in the face. I say this from the prospective of an actor who got straight up socked in the nose during a stage fight once. If your fight choreography is to not move, it’s probably the other guy’s fault your nose is bleeding.
- Konnan, he of NWO Wolfpac and 3-live-kru…..non-fame, recently discussed how WWE tried to buy out Mexican wrestling promotion AAA in 2007. Considering that was right before the world’s economy made a giant fart noise, it’s probably good for the WWE, AAA and Konnan himself that the deal didn’t happen. You can read about why it fell through here or at your preferred copy-past website.
-Madison Rayne recently gave birth to a baby girl. Congratulations Madison. Here’s a picture from before the birth.
Look at it! Look at that disgusting feminine state! How dare she! Yuckies, gross, cooties, barf.
….anyway, she says she’s got her whole fitness routine mapped out, so Rayne will probably be shockingly ripped again soon enough.
And that’s the news. Good luck with the new school year my school-faring friends and enjoy wrestling.