Good morning, humanoids! I’m Lonestar with Cheese, and today we’ve got a special spotlight report on Konnan!

Contrary to popular belief, Konnan was in fact a wrestler at one point in time and not just a professional s**t-talker/human gossip magazine. In fact here’s photographic evidence:

See? Shirtless man, inside a wrestling ring, exposing his underwear: he’s gotta be a wrestler! In fact, Konnan was at one point in time known as the “Hulk Hogan of Mexico”. Then, as the 90s rolled on, he spent an increasing amount of time in wrestling feds inside the United States. Let’s take a quick look at his career during this time frame.

1992-1993: Went to the WWF, became the character pictured above. Had pyrotechnics in his robot arms. Wrestled three televised matches before leaving because he felt he was being discriminated against and because Vince wasn’t willing to give him a guaranteed contract. In 1993. Thankfully taught Bret Hart the Sharpshooter at some point.

1996: Starts up full time with WCW. In one of his first matches beats One Man Gang with a strategy known as terribly spastic wrestling.

Also orchestrates the WCW arrival of several Mexican wrestlers, most of which would quickly pass him by. Cough Rey Mysterio Jr. Cough.

1996-2001: Joins like five different factions because 90s WCW. Seriously, he was in the Dungeon of Doom, NWO, NWO Wolfpac, and the Filthy Animals. Surprisingly he was not in the Latino World Order. Go figure. Consistently existed as the “Oh yeah, Konnan was in that group” member of his factions.

2003: Forms a group in TNA called 3Live Kru, consisting of himself, an on the down-hill slope Road Dog Jesse James and f**king R-Truth. He turns out to be the least historically important member.

See, I told you guys he was a wrestler! His years and years of providing wrestling audiences with a mostly mediocre product totally give him the right to bash his more successful peers or reveal the details of their personal lives to a parasitic fan-base eager to know them. No, seriously you guys, it’s okay. This is Konnan we’re talking about. He managed Hernandez once!

IN OTHER NEWS:

-Heely McHeel-face Triple H cut a promo last night and named some damn names, comparing Daniel Bryan to Edge, RVD, and Chris Jericho, in that all four were never “the one” to be the face of the company and that if they had been “the one” during the Monday Night Wars, the WWE would have lost to WCW. The comment was made in character but I think I speak for a lot of people when I say that I believe the real Triple H believes what his character said to be the truth.

Anyway, Chris Jericho has eyes and ears and a social media account and responded with the following:

“Thing is @tripleh despite ur major push,u never were either. Good luck in ur future endeavors"

I’m sure Edge and RVD would have also responded had Edge not been high on a secluded mountain-top somewhere and Rob just been high.

-Hulk Hogan has been re-tweeting fan messages about going back to the WWE, because at this point he’s probably got a lot of time on his hands.

-TNA’s Bound for Glory happened last weekend and while it’s pretty darn easy to bash TNA for its….well, everything, a few interesting things happened at the PPV. First, AJ Styles won the TNA World Title from Bully Ray and, reading the reports, it sounds like he used his big show moveset to do so. Chris Sabin won the X division title and Magnus, of all people, got the win over Sting at the biggest TNA show of the year.

In addition to all that, this guy had his first TNA match:

That would be Lonestar-endorsed, former WWE and NXT wrestler Derrick Bateman, playing a rich and entitled character that also happens to be Dixie Carter’s nephew. At a time where it seems like TNA is shedding wrestlers and expenses all over to save costs, it’s nice to see a deserving wrestler get another chance at success.

-Finally, another Shimmer taping has happened, and if you’re curious to know how an all-female indy fed operates, check out http://cewshreviews.blogspot.com/, where they are reviewing all four shows of the taping this week.

And that’s the news! See you hosers later.

Twitter.com/LonestarTJR