Tuesday Headlines: Divas Divas Undertaker
Good morning Humanoids! I’m Lonestar in Charge and these are today’s top stories.
Have you ever wondered what life is like outside the ring for a WWE diva? Have you ever thought, “Hey, I’d like to see what female professional wrestlers deal with on a daily basis, but only through the distilled, distorted and manipulated image that is ‘reality television’” Well you’re in luck, because the WWE has teamed with the E Network to……you’ve stopped paying attention haven’t you? Crap. I really thought this one would work. Um…here:
That’s a picture of Jo-Jo Offerman and Eva Marie, two brand spankin’ new divas, and some creepy dude in what I’m pretty sure was Metlife Stadium at Wrestlemania. (Yes, shush, I know who the dude is) These two ladies are freshly hired from that one diva casting call in Hollywood and are going to be thrown to the wolves via trash tv.
Adored by millions of fans, the gorgeous women called WWE Divas have earned their places as sports entertainment icons through more than just their pretty faces and red hot figures. It takes a lot of work and guts to enter the competitive WWE family, where youth is golden. (Unless you’re a man). This summer, E! will take viewers into a whole new world of drama when “Total Divas” explores life beyond the ring for seven WWE Divas who must wrestle with the challenges of life in the spotlight, a grueling work and travel schedule, and the intense competition for prominence in a career that leaves little time for a personal life.
The series will focus on a select group of seven women from the ranks of the WWE Diva corps. Five are established Divas (this gets funnier later, keep reading) who are no strangers to the life, and two are newbies, girls who have entered into the Diva training program, but have yet to prove themselves worthy of the title. Throughout the series, we will see these women attempting to establish their own pecking order, as the new girls attempt to handle the jealousy (sexist?) and pressure that comes with working your way up the ladder for the most airtime, ring time and top celebrity status.
With no two days alike and juggling their constant demands, the Divas definitely find time to celebrate their star status by traveling the world for their various charities, appearing in feature films (name one), attending star-studded red carpets and glamorous photo shoots. Through it all, the everyday challenges of maintaining relationships with their boyfriends, as well as their families, in their over the top lifestyles start to take their toll on the girls.
Appearing in the series are the Bella Twins, Brie and Nikki, a pair of seasoned veterans (Hah!) who have reached superstar status (Double Hah!) in the WWE ring and earned their places in the spotlight. The duo will work harder than ever to maintain this level of excellence (Triple Hah!), whether the newbies like it or not. Naomi and Cameron (Yes, Cameron is considered established somehow) are two knockouts whose dance routines have made them stars on the tour….Natalya is a third-generation sports entertainment star who knows the ropes and knows them well. She’s seen lots of doors open for other Divas, but often finds herself left behind when it comes to achieving superstar status. (Sad but true.) Can she continue to soldier on as a perennial “bridesmaid”?
And tagging into the ring as the newest member of the Divas is Eva Marie, a passionate, sexy, extremely competitive force that wants stardom more than anyone else. Also joining in on the action is Jo–Jo Offerman, an entertainer at heart, young and energetic who will no doubt be a charismatic force in the ring.
I did some snipping but you get the idea. It’s a silly press release for a silly show. Five current Divas and two new ones are going to be filmed doing Diva stuff and I’m sure it will fit in very well with the rest of the E programming block. They’re the ones with the Kardashians, right?
Yes, yes they are. To those among you that will inevitably predict that the WWE will script this show, congratulations. You’ve just figured out the barely kept secret of reality tv.
IN OTHER NEWS:
Rosa Mendes has been sent home from the current overseas tour. (Rajah.com) Because of personal reasons. I’d hate to speculate what that means but I guess the Colons will have to lose on their own for a bit.
The Undertaker actually wrestled on Raw last night in a six man tag match with Team Hell No against the Shield. This means that the dude who tombstone’d Superfly Snuka in ’91 did pro graps with former indy stand-outs Daniel Bryan, Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins. Weird. Cool, but really, really weird.
AJ Lee won a battle royal last night to become the new #1 Contender to Kaitlyn’s title. Consider that a Diva’s match I will give a crap about. Kaitlyn and AJ have improved oodles since their stints on NXT and to see them in a probable PPV match will bring a tear to my eye and joy to my cold dead heart.
And that’s the news of the wrestling world! Enjoy your week and stay in school, kids.