Good morning Humanoids! I’m the Blue Lonestar and these are today’s top stories!

You know, this headlines gig really is a time sensitive thing. Some Tuesdays nothing noteworthy occurs and I’m forced to make funny out of stuff that happens on Raw. Some Tuesdays the sky opens up and a giant glowing fist reaches down from the heavens, opens up their hand and says, “Here my son. Extreme Rising has issued a press release. Go forth and ridicule.”

And then there was comedy.

“What is Extreme Rising?” you might be asking. Well, remember when Shane Douglas bought a ticket to the Raw in Philly like a year ago and tried to disrobe and announce some indy wrestling show he was running before being quickly thrown out with little fanfare? Yeah, that’s Extreme Rising. Shane got together some other schmucks and put together his own “Extreme Wrestling Federation” because he, get this, wanted to “fill the void of hardcore wrestling” left behind after ECW folded. In the city that CZW has been headquartered in for over a decade. Don’t know what CZW is? Here’s an artist’s representation:

So yeah, void filled. There’s also like four other prominent indy feds running around the Philly area filling the void of alternative wrestling for people not satisfied with the WWE, including Tommy Dreamer’s own rarely-running but way more tolerable-looking House of Hardcore, Ring of Honor, Dragon Gate USA/Evolve, and Chikara in all its forms. So what did Mr. Douglas and company give their audience for their first show a year and a half ago to separate them from the pack?

Apparently a crappy event filled with washed-up ECW guys and last minute replacements. It was so bad that even their Wikipedia page mentions it, and they had to film an apology video to placate their fans. After one or two more shows during which Stevie Richards was crowned as champion (I know, right?), they’ve been pretty quiet for the better part of a year, until now. Until this press release:

XTREME RETURNS HOME WITH LIVE EVENT AT ARENA IN SOUTH PHILLY, PREMIERE TV SHOW ANNOUNCED, AND IS UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT

Extreme Rising Pro Wrestling returns to live action Saturday, December 28th 2013 with their debut at The Arena located at the infamous corners of Swanson and Ritner in South Philadelphia. Doors open at 6pm, Bell time at 7pm. Tickets will go on sale Friday, October 25th at 12 noon eastern time at www.extremerising.com.There will be more information, talent confirmations, and matches to be announced soon.

Extreme Rising Pro Wrestling has inked a deal with a local television station to premiere their weekly, broadcast TV show beginning on January 1st, 2014 into Philadelphia, Bucks County, South Jersey to the shores, and Northern Delaware. Full details on the television show forthcoming.

On October 3, 2013 Extreme Rising underwent some behind the scene changes and reorganization that will improve and enhance the development and advancement of the wrestling promotion. Steve O’Neill will now officially head all aspects of the promotion.

There will be more news and information released on the Extreme Rising live event Saturday, December 28th 2013, and the Extreme Rising TV show that premieres January 1st 2014 in the coming days and weeks. Stay up-to-date on the Official Facebook page
www.facebook.com/extremerising and on Twitter at www.twitter.com/ExtremeRising

To close, Extreme Rising is also happy to announce and welcome SLICK’S GRAPHIC’S into our “extreme family”. Slick’s is the official promotional printer for signs, vehicle wraps, decals, lettering, and much more for Extreme Rising. Slick’s is located at 1309 S. Pennsylvania Avenue in Morrisville, PA 19067 and can be reached by phone at 215-494-3294. www.slicksgraphics.com

PLEASE COME TO OUR SHOW! WE GOT RID OF THOSE OLD ASSHOLES! FIRST MONTH’S RENT FREE! MAYBE WE WON’T MAKE STEVIE AND HIS SORTA-MULLET LOSE BECAUSE OF THE VIDEO GAME BS HE PULLED!

Of course there are no details on who will be there, what TV station will carry this supposed new show, or who the new management is but man, they’ve got Slick. And Slick’s got them.

IN OTHER NEWS:

-I just realized the infamous ECW arena is like 20 minutes from my house. And it’s also on google street view! Click this link and use street view to see where wrestling history was made and then grossly inflated!

-Low Ki announced his retirement from wrestling after an incident involving AJPW and Akebono. I believe the picture I used for CZW is even appropriate here. You could also interpret this news blip as Low Ki burning his final bridge.

-TNA’s Magnus has announced that he and Mickie James are no longer dating. The headline Rajah chose for this also used “Top TNA Star” in reference to Magnus, which is pretty funny.

And that’s the news! Behave yourselves, enjoy wrestling!

Twitter.com/LonestarTJR