[caption id="attachment_5181" align="aligncenter" width="242" caption=""Move over, Versace""][/caption]Well, It’s Tuesday morning and I know all of you John Reportamaniacs are sitting at home, or in some cases, your mothers basement, and are eagerly apathetically awaiting the weekly dose of off kilter humor that only Mike and I can attempt. I have bad (good?) news for you. Due to Mike having a life (!), he had to miss this week’s column. But fear not! I, the great and powerful Fozz, am here to make your Tuesday brighter! So what is newsworthy this week? Let’s see…JIMMY HART IS A FASHION CRITIC!<!--more-->I know what you’re thinking, but no. Don’t believe me? Read this sweet copy and paste form PWTorch.com:
I know what he’s trying to say. Wrestlers need to stand out more. Like Ric Flair, Randy Savage and T.L. Hopper have shown us, nothing beats a fancy wardrobe. But before we get our collective panties into some sort of untwistable twist, lets us again be reminded that you should never take fashion advice from a man with hair like this:[caption id="attachment_5183" align="aligncenter" width="288" caption=""Nice comb-over mullet, Jimbo""][/caption]WADE BARRETT CAN’T CATCH A BREAK[caption id="attachment_5182" align="aligncenter" width="460" caption=""It only hurts when I touch it""][/caption]What too soon? Deal with it. WWE.com reported that Wade Barrett suffered an apparent injury to his left arm during the main event of Raw. Wow, that’s groundbreaking journalism right there. Anyone watching could have told you that Barrett was hurt. Any time a grown ass man in laying on the ground yelling “FUCK!” after another grown ass man was thrown on top of him in the middle of how the hell is this PG wrestling show, you know something’s not quite right. At least now he can go bore the hell out of the hospital staff, and stay off my TV for awhile.That sentence was not meant to celebrate this injury. It sucks. He has really busted his ass the last year to get over, and the hard work is reflected in his push. I am not a fan. I wish him a speedy recovery, so he can come back and continue to bore the shit out of me.(Note from JC: Not all TJR staff shares this view of Barrett. We're a little worried that all that TNA watching has impacted Fozzy's brain a bit. He will be checked out by the TJR doctor...Dr. Nick Riviera. He works cheap!)SAY WHAT, LISA MARIE?Lisa Marie Varon, aka Tara aka Victoria was asked to compare WWE and TNA. This is what she had to say, and once again you can thank my copy and paste skills and NoDQ.com:
Former wrestling manager Jimmy Hart, who does work for WWE after recently working for TNA, said he had a conversation with Hulk Hogan last week about what he would change on TNA Impact. "I spoke to him three days ago," Hart said on the Busted Open satellite radio show. "He asked me: 'Can you do me a favor? Can you watch the TNA show?’... I said, 'To me everybody wearing blue jeans and their t-shirts hanging out - this doesn’t look professional. If you’re a major company trying to get 50 or 60 bucks from your fans - 'If you dress like the audience, one day you’re gonna wind up sitting in the audience!' And, so that’s why I still wear the crazy flashy jackets and carry the megaphone because you wanna stand out, and think that’s what’s helped me be around 30 years in this crazy business doing music and doing this. I told Hulk, 'A.J. Styles and all these guys are phenomenal. And, Christopher Daniels, I love those kids."
“Oh my gosh! the first thing that I realized straight away was that the 'Knockouts' were such a main part of the show. When I first arrived we were doing four segments with the girls on one episode. It was nice because we got to showcase not just being boobs and butt, we got to go out there and showcase our talent, what we train to do is wrestle, kick-butt and not just having five minute matches.We were having 12 minute matches, cage matches, the full works. It was amazing and the girls were all shapes and sizes we had the likes of Awesome Kong and ODB and it was just exciting to be a part of.”She immediately thanked the interviewer and went back to washing a car with her breasts for three segments of Impact.FORMER WWE WRESTLER PASSES AWAY[caption id="attachment_5184" align="aligncenter" width="231" caption="R.I.P."][/caption]In a bit of sad news, Timothy Smith, who wrestled back in the 90’s as Timothy Well, one half of the Tag Team “Well Dunn” passed away today at the age of 49. The cause of death was not revealed. It’s never good to hear that a former or current wrestler has passed away at such a relatively young age. My condolences to his family.I’M 34 YEARS OLD AND I JUST MARKED OUT LIKE I WAS A LITTLE GIRL.That describes my feelings when they booked the Hell in a Cell match for WrestleMania between HHH and The Undertaker. I have been a HUGE Undertaker fan ever since he debuted.[caption id="attachment_5185" align="aligncenter" width="200" caption=""Yay! Death and fire and shit!""][/caption]His look was very unique, and for awhile, it scared the shit out of me. Once I turned 30 though, I saw right through him. To this day, I still get all excited when the gong hits and the flames erupt. I am instantly transformed back into my teenage self, hoping that Undertaker will start building a casket for HHH. Couple all of this with the fact that I am going to Wrestlemania, and I have never seen a HIAC match live, and that they are using a Metallica song, and I’m more excited than a virgin on prom night.And finally….MICK FOLEY IS A GREAT HUMANITARIANOn his Twitter account last night, Mick Foley tweeted that he was doing a Q&A session after Raw. I responded that I didn’t have a question but told him that I would mention all his charity work in my columns if he followed me. While I have yet to receive the follow, I still want to point out that Mick Foley does great charity work and is probably one of the most selfless men in wrestling. I don’t have all the information, but if you go to realMickFoley.com, you can find out what you can do to help Mick. And if Mick is reading this, I really am not doing this for a follow on twitter, but as a show of respect as a fan. You don’t have to follow me Mick, but in case you want to:Follow me on Twitter @FozzieMBI will leave you with this parting image of my buddy, my co-writer and the Abbot to my Costello, The Heartbroken Kid, Mike Aires:[caption id="attachment_5186" align="aligncenter" width="200" caption=""No seriously, I'm straight!""][/caption]Follow Mike on Twitter as well @OSUmike03