Tuesday Headlines: Punk and Kofi and Meth
Good morning Humanoids. I’m Lonestar Holland and these are today’s top stories.
*throws away colored papers full of doodles*
I have a confession to make. Despite being a white, male, glasses-wearing American in his late 20s, I have not actually seen a single episode of Breaking Bad. So when I saw the picture that pretty much is our headline of the day I thought, “Hey, look! That’s cool, I’m sure that has some sort of significance to……something!” Now, don’t get me wrong, I am aware of Breaking Bad, mostly because I have an internet connection and a search history that features many visits to the warmingglow.com. I know who Walter White is and what he does. But I still have some questions. So let’s make this edition of the Tuesday Headlines interactive and you can expand my mind a little bit.
Question 1: So this is Walter White’s house, right? This is where this gif happened:
If so, did Punk and Kofi eat the pizza? Is that why the roof looks so pristine?
Question 2: Why is Walter White’s lawn full of rocks? Does his meth-production kill all the grass in his lawn? Or do the rocks cover up some sort of secret exit for his mobile-meth lab?
Question 3: Who exactly is taking this picture? Is it Colt Cabana? Lita? Jesse Pinkman? Flo from those f**king infuriating safe auto commercials? The world may never know.
Question 4: Where, oh where, did Kofi get that “Los Pollos Hermanos” t-shirt? For my friends out there that speak even less Spanish than I do, allow me to translate. Kofi’s t-shirt says “The Chicken Brothers.” If that is secretly the official name of Punk and Kingston’s championship winning tag team I will mark out like a little school boy.
IN OTHER NEWS:
-Raw this week added some matches to the upcoming PPV, including Alberto Del Rio vs Rob Van Dam for the World Heavyweight Championship and Punk vs Paul Heyman and Curtis Axel in a handicap elimination match. But nooooobody is talking about any of that this morning. To see what actually stole the show last night, click on the following video:
Yeah, that’s AJ Lee grabbing the WWE audience by the metaphorical balls and reminding us, less than a week after I said she was building a hall of fame legacy, that she is the now and the future of the WWE Diva’s division. Everyone from the belittled divas at ringside to Mick Foley and CM Punk have responded to and commented on this promo, another sign of its impact. Naturally the Bellas weren’t too happy with what she said and suggested on twitter that AJ got to where she’s at by working with the biggest male stars in the WWE and not on her own or with the other divas. The easy counter-argument to that is that AJ worked with the biggest male stars in the WWE and benefitted every single one of them, and now she’s using that momentum and her numerous abilities to benefit the Divas division. This ruthless scorching of everything about Total Divas creates storyline seeds to be harvested at a later time, but also damn sure returns the spotlight to AJ Lee, where is should be.
-Fans of Chikara will want to check out this video released under the “Wrestlingis” channel on youtube. For that matter you might want to subscribe and keep an eye out for any videos entitled “Ashes.” This one features Green Ant and Fire Ant on the search for the missing Soldier Ant.
- Here’s a late breaking bit of news that sounds too specific and fishy. Lords of Pain is reporting through PWInsider that the WWE is very interested in bringing in Japanese Wrestling star Prince Devitt states-side. Devitt is currently working in New Japan Pro Wrestling as a heel, in a style not unlike a heel wrestler in the WWE. Signing up with the biggest wrestling company in the world could be the next logical step in Devitt’s career after working almost exclusively in the Japan for the past six years, but he’s far from a jobber in NJPW. Would he want to start over in the WWE, politically and monetarily? Hard to say.
Here’s a picture of him btw, he’s the one with the abs on his abs.
And that’s the news! Enjoy wrestling!