By Mike Aires and Marc "Fozzie" B.Fozzie: So what do emotion, movie tickets, and car accidents have in common? Three things that Cena can't sell.Aires: Great minds think alike. I was just talking to a friend how Vince McMahon was probably close to having a stroke earlier this afternoon. <!--more-->
WWE.com reports that John Cena was involved in an automobile accident early today while on a media appearance in the Philadelphia, Pennsylvania area. There are no injuries reported at this time. The SUV the Raw Superstar was traveling in was rear ended by a tractor trailer. Police arrived to the scene and no immediate injuries were reported.He will meet with WWE medical personnel when he arrives at Philadelphia’s Wells Fargo Center for tonight's Raw SuperShow event.In less than two weeks, Cena will face The Rock at WrestleMania XXVIII. WWE says "the effect this accident will have on the Cenation leader remains to be seen. (Rajah)AND
WWE.com reports John Cena has been cleared to compete on tonight's Raw SuperShow after having been involved in a three-car accident in Philadelphia this morning. The SUV the WWE Superstar was traveling in was reportedly rear ended by a Honda Civic, which had been rear ended by a tractor trailer.Cena is "a little shaken up," WWE physician Dr. Michael Sampson told WWE.com."They were whiplash-type injuries that he sustained," said Sampson. "He feels good today, but then a couple days later, that's when you get the neck stiffness and the pain. He is cleared to compete tonight. We're going to let him go, but we're definitely going to keep an eye on him. We're going to check him right before his match one more time, just to make sure he's okay." (Rajah)Fozzie: Would have been great to see McMahon react to the news.Stooge 1: Hey Vince, John Cena was just involved in a car accident.Vince: What?? What are we going to do with WrestleMania? Someone get Hogan on the phone! See if he wants to do a rematch.Stooge 1: He's tied up in TNA right now. Plus, he's 342 years old.Vince: What's a TNA?Stooge 2: just heard Cena's going to be fine. Just a bit shook up!Vince: oh good. I almost had to push Miz again.Aires: Here's what I expected to see on TMZ if Cena had actually been injured:10:30am BREAKING NEWS: John Cena injured in car accident in Philadelphia.10:39am BREAKING NEWS: Vincent K. McMahon dead at the age of 87 due to stroke11:01am BREAKING NEWS: Incident reported near Wells Fargo Center as Motorhead was heard blaring for miles with the sound of joyous celebration and money being thrown into the airFozzie: Seriously, it would have been REALLY bad if Cena was hurt worse than he was. Who takes his place?Aires: In the match? They would have either paid a ton of money to bring someone in, or resurrected someone from the dead (TNA). Who would replace Cena in general? That's not entirely hard to do. They have plenty of guys that are borderline stars. Just gotta give them the shot.But unless he was hurt BAD, and by bad I mean he can't walk, Cena wouldn't miss the match. He'd work through it even if something was torn or broke. One of the many reasons I respect the hell out of that guy. Serious injury or not, dude was in a car wreck and then a few hours later picking up a 450lb man on his shoulders.Fozzie: I agree. Cena gets a ton of hate, but when his time comes, he will be recognized as one the toughest competitors of all. I may have gotten sick of his act, but I still respect what he does.What's our next item?Aires: Well, I would be completely terrible if I didn't mention Shane Douglas showing up to Raw last night and trying to crash the Big Show/Kane match. Even though it was Philly, he was hard to spot due to him blending in with the rest of the old, fat people in the crowd.
Former WWE, WCW and ECW star Shane Douglas made a surprise appearance in the audience of Monday's RAW Supershow from Philadelphia.Douglas appeared during the Kane vs. Big Show match. He was ringside and wore a lucha libre mask and white t-shirt. He took the shirt off to reveal a black & yellow Franchise t-shirt and removed the mask to reveal his identity. He screamed a bunch of stuff and tried to get the audience to notice him. Not many people in the crowd appeared to know/care what was going on, Not all of the stunt was shown on television. After Big Show speared Kane, a white t-shirt can be seen being thrown in the audience. Shortly after the outburst, he fled the ringside area and left the arena. (Rajah)Fozzie: Really? I guess you miss things when you fast forward through crap that is Big Show/Kane. I'll look at it again. But someone needs to tell Mr. Douglas that his fifteen minutes have been up for quite awhile now.Aires: Yeah go watch it again. I had to re-watch it after I heard about it. You can totally see him being all fat and stupid and fat. It's brilliant.Fozzie: Ok, I hate you for making me sit through that shit again, but I saw him. He must totally think he's still relevant, especially after the four people who recognized him gave him that "ECW" chant. I liked how he threw the shirt he was wearing off like he was transforming into some kind of out of shape superman. He's a joke now, like Ric Flair, but without the world titles or alimony suits.Aires: You just compared The Franchise with The Nature Boy. Just want to let that sink in. Ok we have time for one more story. I open the floor to you.Fozzie: I stand by my words. Umm, so apparently Linda Hogan is going to be on a reality show with her new boyfriend for couples called "Couples Therapy." Does this family know what "private life" means? It's ridiculous how attention hungry this family is.Aires: You gotta send me a link. I don't think I heard about that yet. That sounds fantastic. By fantastic, I mean hilarious and reeking of desperation.Fozzie: It's on PWTorch. Look there. I got it off my app. No link.
In an interview with the Miami Herald, Linda Bollea, the ex-wife of Hulk Hogan, offered details on her appearance with boyfriend Charley Hill on the "Couples Therapy" VH-1 reality show that premieres Wednesday. Linda noted he cast had to undergo psychological evaluations, could not use a cell phone, were "humanized" by the show to deal with issues, and dealt with relationship issues beneath the surface.Linda was also asked about her relationship with Hulk. She essentially said there is none other than their regular legal issues. "We’re not really on speaking terms. He’s in the process of serving me my third lawsuit. I have realized the bullying is going to be part of the rest of my life," Bollea said. (PWTorch)Aires: There's a PWTorch app? Why the hell do we not have one of those? Canton needs to get on that. Get with the times.So yeah, I don't know which is funnier to me. The fact that she used "humanized" in the same breath as talking about a reality TV show...or the fact that she took Hulkster for every dime he had, yet calls him a bully.Fozzie: I can't wait for their next foray into the reality show "How to Ruin a Close Family Friends Life by Being Careless!" if that's to wordy, we can go with "Who wants to be a vegetable!"Aires: I think you are onto something. Maybe another one called "So You Want To Screw Your Daughter?"Enough bad jokes. I'm tired. Baby needs his bottle and nap. Fozzie: Enough bad jokes? Are you leaving the site? Ha. I kid. I kid. Good talk this week, albeit a short one. Any last words?Aires: Surprisingly wasn't short. Still trying to hide my jealousy of you taking your (lack of) talents to South Beach next week. I can't imagine the fun of hitting the festivities down there. You guys are going to have a blast. That's all I have.Fozzie: I have no witty comeback except "nanny nanny poo poo". I'm so highbrow.Mike Aires’ weekly column can be found here, which will resume after he moves from his parent's basement next week...and you follow him on twitter @OSUmike03Fozzie’s TNA Impact recaps are here, and you can follow him @FozzieMB