Good morning Humanoids! My name is Lonestarovic and these are today’s top stories.

Oh f**k it. I’m on vacation.

Okay, so the Bossman has informed me that I can’t just post a music video completely unrelated to wrestling, call it Headlines and then take off. Since Raw wasn’t exactly newsworthy (unless you like will they, won’t they, McMahon family drama) (SPOILER: I don’t) we might as well head over to Philly and catch up with Chikara, as they held another internet PPV this weekend, one that contained some…..bold…creative decisions.

Now Chikara is probably best known as a bright, happy, bouncy American Indy group focused on high-flying wrestlers and silliness, but they also tend to create long (read: loooooong) term storylines that you wouldn’t think would coexist with characters like ants or evil Mexican ice cream dishes. And yet here we are.

During the main event of Chikara’s latest internet PPV, the person portrayed as the guy running the company, “Wink Vavessur”, used his personal security force to basically stop the show. The championship match ended abruptly, both participants and the referee were removed from the area, the staging began to be taken down, the audience was led out and the PPV feed just kind of stopped.

Sounds like something you’d see from the WWE or WCW doesn’t it, a random story-based ending causing a non-finish to a match. Very odd. Even stranger is what happened at the venue after the show:

As the fans were ushered out of the building, no merchandise was up, no roster members selling their wares, nothing in the lobby.

As we went outside and the Trocadero's doors closed, a fan shoulder blocked the door, breaking the glass. Senior official Bryce Remsburg rushed out the door and through the crowd, still wearing his referee uniform, in tears. The crowd slowly dissipated, with a few fans in tears as well.

Billy Kumohara was the only other member of Chikara staff to be seen in front of the Trocadero, saying he was now out of a job.

The official Chikara website has also labeled all their future PPVs except for the 2014 National Pro Wrestling Day as “Cancelled”. I’ve even heard whisperings of Chikara wrestlers trying to get themselves booked in other companies, but who knows, it’s the internet. To sum up the backstory behind this move, Chikara is presenting itself as a company shut down by a larger, soul-less, heart-less organization and drove that angle home by unceremoniously ending their live PPV that people paid money for. Obviously the angle isn’t for real because it’s wrestling how does anyone fall for this but it’s a ballsy move to fake the closure of your company and the firing of all your staff. When Vince McMahon thought about doing something even remotely like that with Trump actual stock prices fell and people flipped out.

IN OTHER NEWS:

Seriously you guys, I’m leaving for vacation today. William Math will be covering NXT for the next two weeks while I’m gone. Be on your best behavior when Mr. Math is over. Don’t leave the dishes on the counter for him to clean up, clean them yourselves.

Daniel Bryan got a pretty sweet endorsement from Chris Jericho last night via twitter.

Batista, on the other hand, had some advice to give out:

"So this is my random rant of the day before I hit the sack. Been reflecting alot cuz I've spent the last 10 days and nights alone. And it just seems so crazy to me that I'm in London getting ready to co star in a Marvel film! A kid from Washington DC who didn't always have food to eat and was embarrassed to go to school because my raggedy clothes were from good will and my shoes had holes in them!! I'm not particularly talented,good looking,smart,athletic,etc.etc...But I've been able to entertain millions of people around the world. And i want to share some advice with anyone who wants some on how i got to do these things. And if just one person takes my advice then this novel of a tweet will be worth it. Get the fuck out of your comfort zone! Chase that dream of yours that seems unattainable and everyone else says you can't do! Don't half ass it! Don't make a couple calls and wait for something to happen.Go for broke! Try out! Audition! Take classes! Get out and network! Everybody starts somewhere!Yes people will hate on you and make fun of you and take every cheap shot they can. And yes you will be rejected and laughed at! So what!! Fuck people who laugh at you cuz you've got the balls to sack up and pursue your dreams! Amateur wrestling,bodybuilding,pro wrestling,mma,movies, all started out for me as a daydream. And I wasn't always successful but I never let haters or fear get in the way. I'd rather be a failure than a coward who didn't have the heart to to pursue his dreams. Which seems to be the common factor amongst haters. So listen up people cuz I'm not preachin for my own good! You've only got #onelife and we've only got #oneworld so be a #dreamchaser and don't take either for granted cuz tomorrow we may not have them anymore. Class dismissed. Gnite twitches!!!!!"

I have two jokes for this. Here’s the first:

Now that I’ve read Mr. Batista’s advice, I’m going to return to St. Louis, gain 150 pounds of muscle and become a professional giraffe wrangler.

Or….

Remember when I legit wrote a fantasy novel? You should totally still buy it at www.createspace.com because it’s good and people like it and I’m seriously trying to be a fiction writer whether the publishing industry is aware or not.

That’s the news and I am outta here! Seeya in two weeks my peeps! Random diva picture!