My country tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I see. Or sing. Something.

Good morning Humanoids. I’m not dead, but I am Lonestar Taft, replacing Jacob Lindsey for the day. Mr. Lindsey is down with the sickness flu, which might make this a suspicious time to admit that I’ve developed a way to spread influenza through blow-darts.

Anyway, yesterday a reasonable percentage of the United States voted to determine elected officials, some of which might have even won or retained their offices, perhaps even without the help of millions of dollars. And now I’m thinking of the Prime Time Players, which were managed by Abraham Washington, who was fired for saying stupid things on tv and twitter, specifically a rape joke and something about Linda McMahon, who spent millions (and millions) of dollars on her failed campaign.

It all comes back around, doesn’t it? Here’s my favorite sentence from yesterday’s news. Well, my second favorite:

Trailing in the polls going into election day, Connecticut GOP Senate candidate Linda McMahon is trying something new: Pretending she's a Democrat. Source: Motherjones.com

You read that right. Linda McMahon, in a hilariously futile attempt to win office after spending a reportedly 40+ million dollars of her own money on her campaign (this time), attempted to win some last minute urban votes by misleading voters and pretending to not actually be a Republican. Here’s how:

The Connecticut Mirror reports that McMahon, the former World Wrestling Federation (Nice outdated name there guys) executive, has dressed supporters hanging out at the polls today in "I Support Obama and McMahon" t-shirts designed to resemble those worn by Democrat-backing Services Employees International Union organizers:

    "It clearly is a rip off of our shirts," said Paul Filson, the political director of SEIU, which represents many minority health care workers. "It definitely is confusing."

The shirts are part of an effort by McMahon to blunt the urban vote Murphy needs in Hartford, Bridgeport and New Haven, where her workers also have left literature urging a vote for Obama and McMahon.

A photo of said literature identifies McMahon not as a Republican, but as the nominee of the Independent party…If McMahon really does support Obama, she should call her bank. According to FEC filings, she and her husband have given $150,000 to Restore Our Future, the pro-Romney super-PAC.

So yes, politicians really do believe people are that stupid. All that political flailing didn’t help her out a damn bit because Linda lost her bid for the Connecticut Senate seat last night, her second failed campaign in 3 years. In total she has spent at least 90 million dollars of her own money trying to become a US Senator (LA Times). That’s the most any American has ever spent trying to win federal office. Ignoring inflation, McMahon is now officially worse than Ross Perot………

PEOPLE, LINDA MCMAHON IS WORSE THAN ROSS PEROT!!!!!!!

IN OTHER/ACTUAL WRESTLING NEWS:

Powerslam Magazine is reporting that the door is open for the Carlito to return to the WWE if he so desires. (Rajah.com) My advice to the Big E’ would be to go ahead and close that door, because it’s gonna be winter soon and it sucks to let snow and ice and hobos fly into your house while waiting for a fuzzy Puerto Rican who’s never gonna come back. Believe me, I know.

Jonathan Coachman now has his own nationally syndicated radio show. (Rajah.com) But did the Coach write his own epic fantasy novel featuring demon hordes, shirtless Monks, bad-ass warrior women, bloody battle scenes and general awesomeness? F**k no! I did!

It’s called Pawns of Concilia and it's available now in paperback and as an E-book. I wrote it, Jacob Lindsey edited it and Andrew Johnson nodded his head in appreciation. Here are the links:

Physical Copy

Digital Copy

Here’s the cover art. Buy it, read it, love it. Have a nice day.