[caption id="attachment_4642" align="aligncenter" width="509" caption="Feel free to write your dumb "I took an arrow to the knee" comments below, or leave them in hell where they belong. I mean, come on guys. Seriously."][/caption]Ever since I've taken over the Smackdown reviews (which you should totally read right here, I mean come on guys don't be rude) I've had to cut down on the Headlines, because I mentally shut down if I write more then 3,000 words a week and don't get paid for it. Okay you got me, I'm lazy, are you happy? Anyway, while the other guys are doing a fantastic job (I really mean it, they're so good at it they're starting to make me look bad, the assholes) with their respective days, having to share the little bit of wrestling-related news with so many people can be a tad trying. Headlines is kind of my baby and I love each of them like you probably do your children; you clearly like some more then the others but still care about them all to some extent, even that short one that's kind of dumb and you know you won't be setting up a college fund for. <!--more-->Since there is a finite amount of news and six days of Headlines to publish, sometimes we have to get a bit creative with the stories we post. So when I was struggling with the fact that I was going to get stuck writing about Hulk Hogan forcing in his take on the Warrior/Nash feud, something I 100% don't care about, I stumbled onto this video that Steve Melo posted on the TJR Facebook page and I immediatly said; "Mine, this is my story, my precious," like I'm f**king Gollum or something. I'd say this video needs some set-up but the guy who made it did a pretty good job at the beginning of the video, so all you need to know from me is that this is the most awesome thing that has ever awesomed in an awesome video game that I routinely get lost in... awesomely.http://youtu.be/Xi17PUqz3nQI know that this isn't all that important when it comes to the world of professional wrestling, but I don't care. It's a lot of fun, and after the Steelers head lowering loss to the Denver Tebows I've been in kind of a funk, but this pulled me right out of it. This video takes place at the very beginning of the game, which is the defacto most boring part because you spend thirty minutes to an hour of indirectly being taught the basics by some Nordic asshole when you just want to get a sword and go stab some hearts. I can say with the utmost sincerity that if the dragon would have been replaced with Randy Savage screaming "OH YEEEAAAHH" while he breathed fire on me, I probably wouldn't have spent the first few hours feeling like I wasted sixty bucks.But I got over that really quick, and OMG you guys should totally be playing Skyrim. I feel like Bethesda should come out with a patch for a new shout that fires hundreds of Slim Jims at your target that cause destruction spells if they are snapped into. That would rule.

In Other News...

Velvet Sky was candid in an interview she did with Busted Open radio show about the rumors that TNA management view her unfavorably, having this to say: "I never had a problem with anyone in the office or in creative. That rumor is exactly what it is...a rumor. I don’t know where it started. The office talked to me about it and clarified it to me that it wasn’t true, and don’t believe it, it’s ridiculous. I didn't believe it in the first place. When that rumor first started, I’m like where did that rumor come from? I get along with everybody. No one thinks that about me. No one thinks I’m too provocative." I know someone that does. His name is Tim Tebow, and if you continue to flaunt your body in such a godless way he'll throw 316 yards against your teams #1 in the league defense and f**k up your playoff predictions beyond repair... I'm clearly not taking this loss well. (NoDq)Kurt Angle said 2011 was a "subpar year" for TNA. I didn't read the rest of the article, because I didn't feel like I needed to. I read the headline, nodded and said "yep, that sounds about right" and went back to giving a sh*t about anything other than TNA. I foresee the rest of 2012 being a lot of the same. (SE Scoops)Brodus Clay's debut as The Funkasaurus at RAW was met with a positive reaction backstage, with the officials feeling that the gimmick got over how they wanted it to. I wholeheartedly agree with this new gimmick because A. It's awesome B. It's hilarious and C. Brodus kind of looks like a light-skinned super fat version of my buddy Quise, and this is totally something he would do. And not because he's a WWE employee who does what his bosses tell him. Just because he's Quise, and he's f**king insane. Oh, and since I'm mentioning my friends... (All Wrestling)Stupid Quick Non-Wrestling Related Plug: My friend Robert Hibbs (who you might remember from his Tosh.0 audition video) will be doing a 1 hour show at the River City Restaurant in Wheeling WV on Friday, January 13. I'm going to be there (and so will dark-skinned Funkasaurus Quise), so if you're in the area come on down and hang with me while we laugh at a borderline lunatic as he rips a terrible towel out of his underwear and screams at you from a stage. It's going to be a lot more fun then it sounds. (River City Banquets)http://youtu.be/B1VIXKQUr_IEmail: johnsonator62@yahoo.comTwitter: TheAEJohnson