This past Monday WWE aired a video promoting their
extremely expensive and pompous self-blowjob
new network. In case you're one of the
many that are just on the edge of their seats and can't wait to get your wrestling on 24/7, good news because new details are now available.<!--more-->From NoDq
SportsBusinessDaily.com published an article on Monday that includes many new details on the upcoming WWE Network, including a firm launch date, the scope of the channel's distribution at launch lots more. Here are some highlights of what we now know:- WWE is looking to launch the Network on April 1st, 2012 - the day of the company's biggest pay-per-view of the year, WrestleMania XXVIII.
And let the April Fools' conspiracy theories begin. And, don't even tell me no one will think that. Anyone that thought the smoke spelled out Sting is looking for any reason to talk about their wild and irrational arguments.
- WWE executives have told cable and satellite operators that it is expecting to reach 40 million homes at launch - a huge number for an upstart network.
No offense WWE, but the main core of your audience only watches your stuff through illegal streams and downloads. I'm not saying it won't be a lot, I'm just saying that if you're expecting 40 million, you might be getting your hopes up a tad.
- Comcast executives are representing WWE in its negotiations to get picked up by the nations other top providers, including Time Warner Cable, Cox and Bright House Networks.
- WWE also expanded its programming search beyond wrestling, which their sources indicated could include some professional team sports.
That's a pretty good idea. Are the Los Angeles Xtreme still around? They'd be a good fit.
- WWE has leased space in South Norwalk, Connecticut (close to the company’s headquarters in Stanford) dedicated to the Network. WWE has not yet named a President of the WWE Network, although it's said they are looking for somebody with reality-show experience.
I'm currently taking bets to see how long until they try to hire Flavor Flav.
- WWE's Chief Marketing Officer, Michelle Wilson is overseeing the launch of the Network.
[Overload of Dixie Carter comparison jokes, rebooting]
- The article states that "most, if not all" of WWE's annual 13 pay-per-view events would migrate to the WWE Network. Early surveys by WWE indicated that the "Big 4" traditional shows (WrestleMania, SummerSlam, Survivor Series & the Royal Rumble) would air exclusively on the Network. Later, another indicated indicated WWE had changed their mind on that plan and would have the "Big 4" remain on pay-per-view - with the other "off-brand" shows airing on the Network.
"Hey, you know all those pay-per-views that nobody buys?""Yeah.""What should we do with those?""I dunno, put it on the Network, it'll eat up 3 hours once every month.""Good idea, but what about the rest of the schedule?""Uh, reality TV and AWA re-runs.""Is that really the most effective use of our resources?""Look dude do whatever, I'm playing Skyrim
and I'm trying not to get wrecked by this Ice Troll, leave me alone."I need to clarify that I'm not 100% against a network dedicated to pro-wrestling. But, I also need to clarify that isn't what this is. This network is going to be to wrestling to what MTV is to music. We're going to have at least 1 year of sub-par reality programming before it's replaced with other sub-par reality programming. It's going to be "MTV doesn't play music videos" before it even gets a chance to play music videos. I don't want to hate, I just want to watch Nitro re-runs that aren't on every WCW related DVD that has been put out for the last 8 years. A lot more happened in that company than the nWo or Shane McMahon showing up to piss on Atlanta's wrestling grave. Throw on a Cactus Jack/Vader ass whooping or a cruiserweight battle royal with Dean Malenko in a Halloween mask. I don't think I'm asking for much.
In Other News...
Lillian Garcia confirmed the news that she is returning to the WWE as Smackdown's ring announcer. This is great for me, because I love Lillian. She's beautiful, talented, and has a great Latin ass. Her only downside is she's married to this idiot
. It's like she married the most boring looking person in the world to balance out her exciting professional life. I tried to look up information on him but I couldn't find anything, so to justify my hate I'm going to assume he's a serial killing transvestite that verbally abuses Lillian by calling her racist names while forcing her to put lotion on her skin by threat of the hose. The law of averages is in my favor for at least part of that being true. (SE Scoops)
Ric Flair recently said "I have no plans on retiring anytime soon." He probably should have went on to say "...because I can't. Save your money, kids." (Wrestle Heat)
Read The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw, because Brandon plugs this site a lot, and it's better for you to read as many well written and articulate pro-wrestling articles as you can, so we can eventually show the rest of the world that we're not all white trash "South Park" stereotypes. (With Leather)
Chavo Guerrero is back to trashing John Cena on Twitter, saying that he sucks in the ring but good on the mic. Well, thank God for Chavo. I doubt anyone on the Internet would have noticed without his timely intervention! (Lords Of Pain)
CM Punk has jumped into a volcano. He's fine though, because apparently hot lava don't stop him. (24 Wrestling)
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