WTF: TNA Impact Review for 1/30/14
Hello fellow miscreants. Welcome back to the joy that is Impact Wrestling! I would like to apologize for missing last week, but emergency doctor’s appointments will do that. I hate missing an episode completely because I feel lost, but then I remember that even when I watch every week, I still feel lost, so it doesn’t really matter, does it? The biggest highlight of last week’s show was the departure of Sting from TNA, and I say good riddance. He was the last of the old WCW guys in TNA, so I hope now Dixie will realize what she has in front of her. This week is the week the “new investor “makes their big debut. To the three people that haven’t read spoilers, I’ll save it for when the time comes. Until then, let’s just get on now, shall we?
Impact opened up with an obviously edited video package of Sting’s last appearance in TNA. (Please don’t come back.) Then we see a skirmish of sorts in the back as Kurt Angle and Samoa Joe are being held back from Spud the Magnificent, EC3, and Magnus, who take that opportunity to walk away and head to the ring.
Magnus first mentions making Sting leave the company, and says that he and Dixie have decided to get rid of the dinosaurs and make room for the all the young talent, with Magnus saying he single-handedly got rid of Jeff Hardy, AJ Styles, and Sting. EC3 started to take exception to what Magnus was saying, but Angle’s music hit and the heels bailed as our Olympic hero arrived with Samoa Joe.
Angle said that saying good-bye to Sting was the hardest thing he had to do. Don’t worry Kurt. I’m sure you’ll see him in a few months. There was some trash talking about the Main Event Mafia, before a challenge was issued by Magnus. He proposes a tag match between Angle and Joe versus he and Ethan, with the stipulation that if Angle or Joe get pinned, they both have to leave the company. Joe counters that if either one of them pin Magnus, they automatically become #1 contender for Magnus’ world title. Magnus hesitates, but eventually agrees.
Dixie Carter’s music hits next and she nixes the proposed match because the new investor is on his way and she can’t take the chance of Magnus losing his title to Joe or Angle. She apparently has no idea what a number one contender is. Magnus apparently can overrule Dixie because he confirms the match.
Outside a vehicle approaches. Tenay says it’s a limo, but it’s a minivan with tinted windows. Only in TNA, folks.
Back from a commercial, The Wolves step out of the mini-limo and say that if anyone has to talk to the investors, they have to talk to them first.
In the ring, we have our first match.
Match 1: Gail Kim/Lei’d Tapa vs. The Beautiful People
It’s Velvet and Madison reunited as TBP for the first time in three years, and the match ended in about two minutes. That was worth it. TBP won somehow, as I blinked and missed it.
Post-match, Chris Sabin came down to whine about Velvet costing him his match last week and blamed it on Velvet having her period. Or something. I don’t care about this story. Sabin told Velvet to apologize but instead she broke up with him. Sabin threw a tantrum about it. I don’t blame him, she’s pretty hot.
Backstage, Kurt and Joe are talking about their match later when they come across Bobby Roode. In a moment of (probably) unintentional comedy Angle says “Just the man I wanted to see!” and attacks Roode, and then we get a cut to commercial. I laughed hard at that.
Back from the break, we see the beating commence on Roode, and Joe takes over and literally threatens Roode with death if he interferes in their match later. Roode did a fantastic sell job here too.
In the ring, Storm calls out Gunner and the two have a heart to heart in the ring and essentially bury their differences only for bad Influence to come out and challenge GunStorm to a match with the stipulation that if Bad Influence gets the pin then they win Gunner’s briefcase. They start to fight, and a referee appears out of nowhere so I guess this will be a thing after the following commercial.
Match 2: GunStorm vs. Bad Influence
This was a really solid tag match, but that’s to be expected with Storm and BI in there. Hell, even Gunner was good here, so I guess that’s something. Gunner picked up the win to secure his spot as future number one contender.
Backstage, Dixie was fretting about the mysterious investor in the Dodge Mini-van Limo. Then we had another commercial.
After a commercial, Dixie is on the phone with her lawyer when Bobby Roode walks in. Dixie asks what Roode wants, and he says he wants the shot at the world title that Dixie promised him for taking care of Styles and Sting. Dixie says she doesn’t want to talk about it right now, and Roode walks away and says that until she picks up her end of the deal, the favors are over.
EY is shown next talking to ODB. ODB is questioning EY for wanting to team up with Abyss this week after Abyss choked EY last week. He says it was all part of his plan. She leaves and Abyss shows up. EY asks if the Monster is ready. Abyss holds up a small black bag which I presume contains tacks. I guess Abyss is ready.
They cut to My Boy Spud who tells us that he’s going to the ring to get answers from the Wolves. We then we get a commercial break... After the break we get a recap of what happened earlier between Magnus and Kurt/Joe. Then Spud comes to the ring. He calls the crowd here in Scotland “England’s ‘B’ Team” to MASSIVE heat. He then says he wants to get to the bottom of everything so he calls out the Wolves.
The Wolves come out and Spuds McKenzie starts asking “Who’s the investor?” over and over. The Wolves stay silent. Potato Spud gets so angry and starts screaming at the Wolves and he slaps one of them. They remove their coats and attack Spud. Edwards tells Spud to that everyone will find out who the investor is at the same time, and that the investor said that if anyone interferes with the main event, they will be fired.
We get a small recap of how EY figured out and told Joseph Park that JP was Abyss. Then we have our next match.
Match 3: Abyss/EY vs. The Bro Mans for the Tag Team Titles
I really want EY and Abyss to win here because the Bro Mans are the most annoying people on the roster. It’s not to be though as Abyss goes after Zema and gets DQ’d for it. He then attacks the ref and EY before leaving the ring. EY gets a mic and challenges Abyss to a match next week, and he wants it to be Monster’s Ball! Abyss accepts and EY gets a devious look on his face.
A quick cut to the parking lot to ensure that the investor is still there is up next before we get a cut shot to Bully Ray wheeling a coffin around the back. That was weird.
After a commercial, we see a clip of a date between Christy Hemme and Samuel Shaw. She playfully invites herself to look around the house, but he makes sure to keep her out of the super creepy “Silence of the Lambs” like shrine to her. He has a wig made of her real hair, apparently. Well, good for him.
Back in the arena, Bully Ray wheels the casket to the ring. I hate how they turned Bully Ray from bad ass bully to fourteen year old emo kid. Bully gets on the mic and says that he used to be the president of Aces and Eights and the world heavyweight champion. Yes, he put them in that order. He says that he isn’t these things anymore because of Ken Anderson. He says that no matter what he does, Anderson always comes back. Bully then challenges Anderson to one more match, where the only way to win was to put your opponent into the coffin. This brings out Anderson.
Anderson asks Bully what he would do if Bully was successful, and Bully says that he would piledrive Anderson’s wife and kids. This leads to Anderson throwing the top of the coffin into Bully’s head, igniting a small brawl which ended when Bully bailed before Anderson could hit him with a chair. This feud has been going on too long. And are they going to call this a “coffin match” because that would be hilarious.
Backstage Magnus and EC3 teased more tension between them as Magnus ran him down as a hot headed green rookie. This changed when Dixie walked in and Magnus told her he had a star on his hands. Dixie told Ethan not to let her down. Magnus and Dixie walked out and Ethan sold frustration.
After a commercial, we have our main event.
Match 4: Magnus/EC3 vs. Angle/Joe
This match was just ok. I’m not saying it was bad or anything, but with the stipulations, I expected more drama, or at least a longer match. The end came when Kurt pulled EC3 out of the ring and Joe made Magnus tap to the Taz-mission. Joe is now the number one contender for the world title. I’m down for that.
Post match, Dixie came down to the ring complaining that she knew this would happen. Magnus looked like he was trying to blame EC3, and Joe cut a promo ending it with “Shine my belt up real nice because Joe is gonna kill you” and I think I finally became a Samoa Joe fan. Kurt said that he is finally ready to be inducted into the TNA Hall of Fame, and Dixie should invite the new investor. Dixie says that she is tired of hearing about the new investor, and that he or she should just show their face already.
The arena goes dark, and we hear the sound of a clock ticking. The Wolves are standing by the entrance and they are soon joined by the new investor in TNA – MVP! That’s pretty cool. That’s how Impact ends.
I wish I didn’t have this spoiled for me. It was a legit surprise when I found out though. I hope this means that TNA is finally headed in the right direction. They really need a stronger fan base, and I think MVP helps a lot there. I know there’s going to be the whole “Ex-WWE guy” thing that the internet loves to throw out there, but as long as they don’t push Magnus down to bring him up I think they will be ok. Plus having the Wolves paired with him helps them more too. They are seen as a bigger deal.
As for the rest of the show, it was refreshing to see a crowd of that size for a TNA show. I wish the fans in the States filled an arena like that for them. They would actually be seen as a bigger deal. Also, thank you, Jeremy Borash, for being awesome tonight. I did not miss Taz at all this week.
That’s it for me. I want to apologize for posting so late, but it has not been a good week for me. Thanks for reading, and if you’re a Broncos fan, I’m truly sorry for your loss.
Until next week, that’s all I got.
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