WTF: TNA Impact Review for 1/9/14
Welcome to this week’s edition of WTF! This week’s episode features a champion vs. champion match as TNA world champion AJ Styles takes on TNA world champion Magnus. Confused yet? Well that just means you’ve been paying attention. I kid, I kid. Let’s just get on with the show, shall we?
The opening narration is here to go over the set-up for the main event for tonight. Remember, AJ won the belt at BFG, but left the company with the title, which allowed Magnus to win a tournament to crown a new champion. Tonight they fight to see who the real champion is. Judging by their previous encounters, this should be a good match.
Dixie Carter comes out first, and she says she has a contract for AJ to sign, so she calls him out, and he obliges. Dixie refuse to let AJ talk, and just wants AJ to sign the contract, which she says is for one night only. She says that since she has given so much to AJ in this contract, so she wants one thing in return – for the match to be No DQ. I guess we can forget about having a good, clean match tonight. Dixie hands the contract to AJ, and he says that if Dixie thinks that her cronies will come interfere, then she better believe that AJ has friends who will come to his rescue, Dixie says that they won’t because she owns them. AJ says that the title he has is the real title, and Magnus is just Dixie’s “paper champion.” Ohhh! Shots fired, yo.
Magnus comes out and tells Dixie to leave the ring. When she leaves, Magnus says that AJ will never refer to Magnus as a paper champion, and that AJ ran away with the title, and now AJ wants in because he didn’t get enough attention. He says after tonight, there will be only one champion – Magnus. AJ says that he didn’t get to where he is by taking shortcuts, but by working his ass off for the last eleven years. He asks Magnus what Dixie is going to do when AJ walks out as champion, and for Magnus to take her lips of her (bleep) and find out. I don’t know what the bleep was, but the crowd reacted strongly. The segment ended there, and I am really excited to see the match, which usually means I’m going to be severely disappointed.
After a commercial, Gail Kim, Lei’d Tapa, and Dixie Carter are talking in the back. Dixie is making sure they “got it” whatever the hell that means. Then we have our first match.
Match 1: EY/Joseph Park vs. The Bro Mans
The Bro mans are introduced by DJ Zema Ion, and as much as I love the fact that TNA is trying new things, listening to Zema Ion speak is like pulling used band-aids off your ears repeatedly. About a minute in, we see ODB getting her ass kicked by Gail and Tapa. I guess that’s what Dixie was talking about. EY bails on Park to tend to his wifey, and the Bro Mans are left with Park all by his lonesome. The match ended not long after with the Bro Mans pinning Park. Have I mentioned how much I hate that the tag titles are wasted on these two clowns?
After the match, the champs took a piece of the guardrail and they slammed Park on it. Um, ok.
In the back Samoa Joe walks into Dixie’s office, and basically tells her that he’s got AJ’s back tonight. Dixie says that Joe shouldn’t worry about AJ, but to focus on his match tonight with EC3. Joe says that EC3’s blood is on her hands. Joe came off as a bad ass here, which is pretty cool. I think I’m starting to like this guy.
After a commercial, they replay the Bro Mans’ attack on Park, and then cut to EY carrying an unconscious ODB out of the arena, past an arriving Sting. Sting assumed Dixie was up to no good, and presumably went to look for her.
In the ring, James Storm says that he wants to clear the air with Gunner, so he calls him out. When Gunner arrives, Storm says that he has learned a lot over the years, but the most important thing he learned was that nothing destroys tag teams like the World Heavyweight Title. Gunner says that Storm can save it, as long as Gunner has the briefcase guaranteeing him a title shot. Storm then challenges Gunner to a match for the briefcase. Storm says that they would hang the case up, so I am assuming it would be a ladder match. Gunner agrees to the match. They didn’t say when the match will take place, but I think it will happen at the Genesis show.
They cut to the back where EC3 is attacking Samoa Joe. It should have shown Joe ripping EC3 in half, but instead, Ethan was getting the better of Joe, which confused me. They cut to commercial during this skirmish.
When we return, we still have the fight between Joe and EC3, which comes to ringside and leads to our next match.
Match 2: Samoa Joe vs. EC3
This had all the makings of a Joe squash match until Rockstar Spud grabbed Joe’s leg when Joe went for his muscle buster. Joe goes after Spud, and EC3 attacked Joe with a wrench. The announcers said that the match was a no-contest, which is bullshit, but whatever.
Backstage, JB brings out his guest, Kurt Angle. Kurt says that he has a steel cage match coming up at Genesis against Bobby Roode, and to prepare, he issuing an open challenge for a cage match tonight. Angle says that it doesn’t matter who accepts, all he will see is Bobby Roode. I hope it’s Shark Boy.
After a commercial, they show AJ Styles in deep reflection. Maybe he’s thinking about how TNA can be so stupid as to not re-sign him. Then they recap the ODB attack, they show Joe getting medical attention, and Gunner and Storm knocked out. Sting screams for Dixie, and goes to look for her. He finds her immediately, and asks her if she lost her mind. She plays dumb, and Sting accuses her of having all of AJ Styles friends attacked or occupied so they can’t help him later. She gives him the same warning she gave Joe earlier, which to worry about his match later. Sting says that him having a match won’t stop him from doing what he had to do. Dixie says she’s tired of him, and walks away. When she gets out of frame, Sting is all like “I’m sick of you!”much like a teenager would do after getting yelled at by his mommy.
Kurt Angle makes his way to the ring for his match, but first, another al important commercial. When we come back, Roode’s music hits, and the announcers speculate that Roode will be Kurt’s opponent. Roode says that after he beats Kurt Angle next week, Kurt can kiss his TNA HOF induction good bye. Roode teases that he is going to fight Kurt, but at the last minute says that he’s going to wait until next week, and instead introduces Kurt’s opponents: Bad Influence. This is a very welcome change of plans.
Match 3: Kurt Angle vs. Bad Influence in a Steel Cage Match
The match was good, but I think I expected a little more. Quick question, did both of Bad influence have to escape or just one, because if it was just one of them, then why didn’t Kaz escape when Angle was fighting Daniels, or vice versa. Kurt ended getting the win by pinning Kaz after an Angle slam.
Backstage, Dixie is on the phone telling somebody to leave the cage up. Roode is there and Dixie tells Roode that he has a cage match tonight. Roode tells Dixie that he doesn’t fight Kurt until next week. Dixie says it’s not against Kurt – it’s against Sting. Roode flips out comically. Well, I laughed.
After a commercial, Kurt Angle is taking a picture with some fans, when AL Snow pulled up in a car and said there was an emergency and he had to get Kurt to the airport right now! Angle just flees without as much as a question. Seems legit.
Match 4: Bobby Roode vs. Sting in a Steel Cage Match
What a shit match. Maybe I just hate Sting matches, but this was not good at all. Sting’s offense doesn’t look like it could hurt anyone, and Roode looked silly selling it. Spud and EC3 came down for the interference, and Spud gave Roode a weapon to use against Sting, which Roode did, which allowed him to walk out of the cage. I guess its storyline consistency that another friend of AJ was taken out, but there were other ways this could have happened. Sting should never wrestle again.
They show a clip of Mr. Anderson walking in the countryside. He comes to a building. He says that Bully wants to lay this to rest, and that’s fine by him. We then find out that he is at a funeral home.
After a commercial, they show the ridiculous clip from last week, when Bully threatened to set Anderson on fire, when all Anderson had to do to stop it was exhale. This segment was even more ridiculous. Seriously, they just killed all interest I had in Bully Ray’s character. I’ll post a link, because you guys need to see the stupid for yourselves.
Back in the arena, they recap the random attacks from tonight. Then they cut to Sting who says that they need more than a pipe to keep him from helping AJ. Dixie doesn’t sweat it and asks Sting if he knows what season it is. She says it was contract season. I thought it was Wabbit Season. She basically threatens Sting’s contract if he helps AJ and insinuates that AJ wouldn’t do the same for Sting.
Up next is our Main Event.
Match 5: Magnus vs. AJ Styles for the World Heavyweight Championship
Someone please tell me what the hell I’m watching. This match basically became Sting/AJ vs. Magnus/EC3/Rockstar Spud/Zema Ion/The Bro Mans/Bad Influence. What a shocker that Sting was making the whole other team look like shit. I mean I know that it’s no DQ, but this was just a clusterf**K of TNA proportions. Even the Hebners got involved. Oh look, here’s Bobby Roode. He gives AJ his finisher three times which allows Magnus to finally pin Styles.
This was a poor episode, and that was even before the crap fest that was the main event. I understand that once they made it no DQ that there was going o be a salty finish, but what we got was a slap in the face to anyone who ever defended TNA, or has followed them from day one. If this was in fact AJ Styles last match with the company he has called home for eleven years, I hope he never goes back. You know, for as much as I make fun of TNA in these reviews, I always had an underlying hope that they would improve and actually be able to flourish as a company. I think they have good to great talent, and some things have been clicking recently, but then when I see something like this, I lose all that faith in them. I don’t care if this is a build to have AJ make a triumphant return down the line, what they did tonight was awful. The best way they could have done this match was to have a 15-20 minute match, with a screwy ending that cost AJ the title. That would have been much better than the locker room vs. AJ Styles. And why is it that only Sting was there to help? I know that some guys wer3e “taken out” but where was Austin Aries? Or Hernandez? Hell, even Dewey Barnes and Norv Fernum could have come out. Nope, gotta have Sting in the spotlight in a match that wasn’t about him at all. You know what? I’m glad Sting is wrestling in High Schools for five hundred people. He’s got Hogans disease, where things have to be about him, even if they shouldn’t. I am going to say this: Next week is Genesis, and if this company can’t prove that they can rise up from the same old, then they can kiss any chance of surviving good bye.
Until next week, that’s all I got.
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