WTF: TNA Impact Review for 10/17/13
Hey guys, It’s your boy Fozzie, and I’m here to recap the final episode of Impact Wrestling before their biggest show of the year, Bound For Glory. I am going to try and watch at least some of it tonight, if I can. I am very interested to see the direction the company will head in from there. So without further Apu, let’s do it to it.
The opening narration highlights least week’s shenanigans between Bobby Roode and the returning Kurt Angle, plus the “rift” between Sting and Magnus as they try to get some cheap heat for a match that sucks because Sting is in it. After the highlight reel, Dixie Carter and her mom jeans mosey on down the ramp.
She immediately compares herself to Michaelangelo, and how they are both visionary artists which is an unfair comparison, because the Ninja Turtles are cool. She then talks down AJ and how Bully beat him down last week. She says that AJ should have tried to leave. She then says that someone should step up and take AJ Styles out and make this AJ’s last night in the company. She offers fifty thousand dollars (Monopoly) to someone who will step up, and Bully Ray’s music hits. He says he wants to take Dixie’s funny money and face someone else at BFG. The music of the Main Event Mafia hits, and out comes Magnus. He says that the bounty is dumb and that he will fight Bully Ray tonight. (I paraphrased) Bully says that he has heard Magnus being called the future of this business, but in reality, Magnus is a fraud and a disappointment. He says Magnus is so disappointing; he might as well be from Oklahoma. This makes Magnus freak out and attack Bully. Bully then accepts Magnus’ earlier invitation to fight.
They show Kurt Angle arriving to the building he’s already in.
After a commercial, there is a backstage segment with Bully and A&E where Bully sarcastically thanks Bischoff and Knux for talking care of Styles. Bully tells Knux that he’s going to give Knux a shot at the fifty thousand dollar bounty by facing…one half to the tag champs? Huh? That’s not even remotely the point of the bounty. Dumbasses.
In the ring, we have our first match.
Match 1: EY vs. Robbie E. vs. Daniels vs. Hernandez.
This was for some sort of advantage in the BFG pre-show tag match that kicks off BFG. This match also defied logic, as EY is supposed to be on his road trip with Joseph Park. Taz even mentioned watching it during the commentary. How the hell is EY in two places at once? Is he the twelfth doctor? I know the show is taped, but for those who don’t this is kind of dumb, especially if TNA is going to keep saying they’re live every week. Oh, and Robbie E. pinned Daniels. It’s gonna be THAT kind of night.
Backstage, AJ gets jumped by Jesse, and AJ throws him around like the jobber he is. They show a recap of the Bounty and her fake money, (seriously, if you would have kept the briefcase closed, and NOT shown the clearly fake currency, you would be better) before cutting to AJ Styles in ring. He says that there is a price on his head, and he’s not going anywhere. He challenges someone to ‘come get paid’, which brings out A&E. Bischoff and Knux make their way out. GunStorm comes down for the save and we go to a commercial. We then have our next match.
Match 3: Gunner vs. Knux.
I fell asleep during this match….. Gunner won, if you care.
Backstage, Chris Sabin wants some of that bounty. He’s says he’ll buy his girlfriend Velvet Sky something nice.
There is a commercial, but they interrupt the commercial to let us know that Knux and his little Bisch are mad at Bully Ray.
After the commercial break is over for real, Ms. Ass is taking pictures of her backside when Gail Kim walks up and demands a copy. No, I’m kidding. She proposes that she and Ms. Ass should team up during the PPV. Assmacher refuses.
They show a video package for the ultimate X match, which leads to a backstage segment of Sabin looking for AJ Styles, but sees super stalker Samoa Joe around a corner. Joe says he’s gonna take care of Sabin in their match tonight. Then another freaking commercial.
Back from break, they show a recap of the Magnus/Bully segment from earlier. Then we have – finally- our next match.
Match 4: Chris Sabin vs. Samoa Joe
This match seemed to be filler just to get to the end so they can do the “X-Division match participants all run in to do signature spots” part. Joe chocked out Sabin to win the match, by the way.
The announcers tell us that there is some sort of commotion in the back. When they show us, its EGO beating up AJ Styles. I guess they want some bounty money. AJ ends up escaping them by- and I am not making this up – spraying a fire extinguisher in the air and literally vanishing.
After a commercial we find out that EC3 will debut at BFG. Then we have our final match.
Match 5: Magnus vs. Bully Ray
Man, is it me, or do these matches just feel like they don’t even matter? I understand there is a PPV to promote, but there are some strange booking ideas. Even in this match, Sting comes down to help Magnus and ends up costing the match accidentally. It’s so insulting to the fans that watch regularly, which is probably why there aren’t many of us left.
After the match, Sting wants to shake Magnus’ hand, but Magnus just kinda grazes it and walks way.
After a commercial, they show Sting in the back with Magnus, arguing the finish of the match. Now, I’m no nit-picker (ha!), but if this was taking place right after the Magnus/Bully Ray match, then why the hell is AJ Style’s music playing in the arena?? It’s the little things people!
Kurt Angle is out next. He takes exception to EGO mocking his HOF induction. Booby Roode comes out and cuts a terrific promo about how his loss to Angle two years ago led to Roode re-inventing himself and becoming the “It Factor of “Professional Wrestling.. I loved how he tied this all together. Roode says he’s going to beat Angle. Angle says that Roode will be tapping. Roode says that he won’t be tapping because *punches Angle in the face. They fight for a bit and Angle grabs Roode in the Ankle Lock! EGO rushes the ring and they all beat up our Olympic hero. Roode puts the crossface on Angle and Angle starts tapping. They mentioned this match last week, and they have made me more excited for this match than half the card.
After a commercial, we have the contract signing for the BFG main event. In the ring already are Dixie, Jeremy Borash, and those two Atlas security guards that are guarding the real briefcase with the fake money. Both men enter the ring and Bully signs the contract post haste. Bully then cuts a promo that was very intense, and I loved it. He mentioned a Dusty Rhodes promo from 1985 about Ric Flair putting him on hard times, and said that for the last year and a half, he’s put the whole TNA roster on hard times. Actually, that was Dixie who did that, and it was for a lot longer than a year and a half. Bully says that after he wins at BFG, he wouldn’t be surprised if AJ went home without the title, without a contract, and found that his wife and kids have left him. Ouch. Bully says that he’s the Darth Vader of TNA and AJ is no Luke Skywalker. Does that make Dixie the Emperor? Can Jesse be Jar Jar? Too many questions.
After this intense promo from Bully, AJ gets on the microphone and calls him a bitch. That’s you’re comeback? He threatens to take away everything you have and could ever want and you respond as if you were a preteen girl? Where’s the heart AJ? Why don’t you tell him that he needs the title to vindicate himself after all those years of being “just a fat tag team wrestler”, and by taking away the one thing he has fought so long to have will destroy him and reveal him to be nothing more than an insecure, desperate man. But you did good, AJ. Anyway, AJ signs the contract, and Bully says he changes his mind. He doesn’t want to defend the title, but he wants the fifty grand bounty and attacks AJ by lightly pushing the podium into AJ’s hip. AJ miraculously recovers and gets the upper hand, and grabs the briefcase. He opens it up and throws the pretend money at Dixie and the guards, who then scramble to pick it up. It is as funny as it sounds. Impact ends with AJ and Bully arguing face to face separated by ring ropes and opportunity that neither man takes.
What a shitty show this was. It was poorly booked, and the finishes were terrible. The only highlights were the Angle/Roode segment and Bully’s promo. If this episode was to make you want to buy the PPV, it failed hard to do so. I also think that AJ Styles is walking out of BFG with the title, and while I know that a clean win is almost an uncertainty, I just hope it doesn’t turn into an over booked mess with multiple distractions and nonsensical actions. This is probably what will happen.
Until next time, that’s all I got.
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