WTF: TNA Impact Review for 11/14/13
Hi kids. It’s time once again for your favorite TNA-related program review here at TJRWrestling.com. I am excited for this week’s episode because it’s going to feature Austin Aries and Kurt Angle in a submission match, and since these are two of the best in the company right now, that can’t be a bad thing. I hope some of you can share in that enthusiasm with me. Now that we have those formalities out of the way, let’s just do this, shall we?
The opening narration is all about AJ Styles leaving the company with the title and Dixie holding a tournament to find her “real” world champion. They clips from last week of Jeff Hardy defeating Chris Sabin in their first round match, and remind us that tonight is the submission match as I previously noted.
In the arena, the Aces & Eights music hits and out comes A&E accompanied by the lovely Brooke, who proceeds to shake her ass for the camera. Thank you. They get to ringside and Bully embraces Taz and laughs at Tenay for falling for the swerve last week. I would have laughed at him for being him, but whatever. Bully gets in the ring and says that he is the puppet master, and he made everyone fall for his swerve. He turns his attention to Anderson, and accepts Anderson’s challenge for a match next week, only this time he won’t piledrive Anderson, he will piledrive him through the stage. This brings out Anderson.
Anderson says that he is sick and tired of A&E, and says that if when he beats Bully next week, A&E will have to disband. Bully asks what he will get out of the deal. Anderson says that his wife is at home pregnant with twins, and if he loses, he will leave TNA and go be a dad. Bully asks Anderson to come closer, and tells him that he would love to piledrive Anderson’s pregnant wife. Classy. Bully says that if Anderson is serious, then he must be crazy. Anderson says he is, and attacks Bully, but gets immediately beat down by A&E. Bully goes out for a chair, but Anderson Houdini’s his way out of the evil clutches of Knux and Baby Bisch, and Bully flees from the ring. Anderson then challenges anyone of them to match, and it appears to be Knux. We will know more after the commercial break.
After the commercial, that’s what we get.
Match 1: Knux vs. Anderson
Tenay informs us that Bully and Bischoff were sent to the back. You know sometimes I watch the show first, take notes, and watch it again when I do the review, this way I can fast forward the boring parts. I wish I did this for this review. What a slow, plodding match. Knux was inning until he missed a punch, which Anderson reversed for a Mic Check. Not good.
We see a pre-recorded video from Joseph Park challenging Daniels to a match and Daniels response. Guess which promo was better? Daniels and Kaz continue to make me laugh, and this was no exception. Daniels accepts the match, tells Kaz to wait in the back, and heads towards the ring. He runs into Bobby Roode, and they all glad hand each other until a commercial break.
After the break, we have a small video package hyping the Angle/Aries match later tonight. It was well done. Then we have our next match.
Match 2: Daniels vs. Joseph Park
Despite having Daniels, this match was not so good. I think I am getting tired of the Joseph Park character already. It’s time to bring out Abyss. Oh shit did I just type that? I swear I’m not drunk. Daniels kicked Park in the balls while the referee was distracted to pick up a cheap win. Then another commercial.
After a commercial, Bully and the Bisch (that sounds like an awesome name for a buddy cop show, btw.) console Knux after his loss to Anderson by assuring him that Bully will beat Anderson next week. Then they all leave to go to a strip club. What a great club.
In the ring we have our next match.
Match 3: EC3 vs. Dewey Barnes & Norv Fernum in a handicap match
Two things: One, when they announced a handicap match with EC3, a small part of me was shocked when EC3 wasn’t fighting Zack Gowen. Two, Tenay told us that EC3 picked up two more wins over the weekend, which makes him 7-0, and makes me flinch because it reminds me of the way they padded Goldberg’s win streak back in the day. (He eliminated 15 people in this battle royal! That’s 15 more wins! Yes they did that.) EC3 wins this match because a doyyy and I scratch my head wondering why we have these matches when Kenny King is doing absolutely nothing.
After a commercial, we have three video packages. The first is of AJ Styles defending his title overseas, and Dixie’s reaction to the video being aired on her show. (Hint: She wasn’t happy.) The second one was of the Sabin/Hardy match from last week, with commentary by Jeff Hardy. He mentions he’s happy to still be walking 16 years after he debuted. Then there was a quick video package of Aries winning the world title last year. Then a commercial.
When we come back, Dixie Carter comes out. She starts right out with the AJ bashing, saying that the class of the show has gone up. The crowd hates her, and I am convinced that he has become aware of how fans perceive her and has become a parody of that, which would be brilliant if she did. She goes on about how AJ is a thief and not her world champion, and congratulates herself on the new tournament. She also thanks Spike TV for making her “PPV” available for free. Speaking of the show next week, the theme is “Turning Point”, and I am starting to think that this name is apropos, because of the recent happenings in this company. We shall see. Anyway, Dixie says that she wants to bring out the four men who have yet to compete in the world title tournament, and calls them out. Roode, Storm, Samoa Joe, and Magnus make their way out. Dixie says that she has spun the Wheel of Dixie, and for the Storm/Roode match, it came up as a Bullrope match. Great, those are always exciting…said no one ever. At least we get Roode vs. Storm, so that should compensate. Storm cuts a promo that reminds me why I am a fan of his, showing a lot of emotion. It’s almost like he has been waiting for the spotlight again.
Dixie then announces that the Samoa Joe vs. Magnus match will be a falls count anywhere match. Joe gets on the mic to cut his promo, and he says that the only reason this tournament exists is to save Dixie’s ass after not signing AJ to a deal. He says that when he wins the title he will defend it against AJ Styles. Dixie protests, saying she will replace Samoa Joe in an instant. Magnus gets his turn to talk, and he says that the tournament is about beating the best, and Magnus says that he will win. Dixie then says that the only reason for this tournament is to find “her” champion; someone who will stick up for her causes. She wishes them all luck, and the segment ends. I’m picking Magnus as the winner.
Backstage, Anderson ambushes Garett Bischoff and handcuffs him to a rail. I guess the trip to the strip club was for men only. Anderson wants to have a talk with Bischoff, but we get a commercial instead.
When we return, there is a small Kurt Angle retrospective. Then Gail Kim comes out. She says that last week she issued an open challenge to any female wrestler not in TNA to challenge Gail. Gail says someone has.
Match 4: Hannah Blossom vs. Gail Kim
Stop me if you heard this one: A female champion with a tall Amazon woman bodyguard fighting on half of a twin tag team. Sound familiar? Gail won a quick match.
After a commercial, Joseph Park comes back out for a promo. He says that when he came to Impact Wrestling last year, he had one goal: to find his brother Abyss. But, he says, there has been a lot of talk about him and his brother never being seen together. He has a solution for this though, and he challenges his brother to a match next week. This is interesting. I have been waiting to see how they do the big reveal that they are the same person, and it looks like they are FINALLY moving this story forward.
They announce Aries and Angle for their match, but then Tenay screams that there is something going on in the back. They cut to show Anderson uncuffing Bischoff and carrying him away. That was anti-climatic. Oh, then we go to a commercial.
When we come back, we have our main event.
Match 5: Kurt Angle vs. Austin Aries in a submission match
This match was kind of boss, and I really enjoyed it. Angle and Aries are awesome, and like I said, two of my faves in the company right now. Bobby Roode showed up to watch the match from top of the ramp, but he was just a decoration. Angle won the match by using Roode’s submission on Aries, as a way to show up Roode. I think they are pushing for a Roode/Angle final, but I would like that one loses in the next round, and that person costs the other one their match, so we can continue this feud AND build up a new champion at the same time. My gut tells me that Magnus is going to win, so this makes the most sense to me.
The post match was kind of funny. Roode and Angle are doing their staredown from the ramp to the ring, and Anderson comes out with the beaten Bischoff. Anderson then proceeds to give Bischoff a piledriver on the stage, and then celebrate by pulling off Garett’s cut. However, Roode and Angle didn’t leave the ring, so this took place as the staredown was happening, so we got Angle and Roode staring each other down to Mr. Anderson’s music. Good times.
This show was kind of boring, with the exception of the main event. They are also timing problems apparently, which should never happen on a taped show. It was weird not seeing Sting on the show. I’m, not complaining, I’m just saying. After last week’s promo about fighting back against those who think they are entitled, I was kind of hoping that he would be put into a feud with EC3. That would be the best way to use Sting. Not anyway else, and certainly not against the Undertaker. Sorry, internet.
Until next time, that’s all I got.
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