WTF: TNA Impact Review for 11/21/13
Hey kids! It’s time once again for us to visit Dixieland to see what the crazy is this week. Actually, I’m kind of optimistic. We have two good matches announced in James Storm vs. Bobby Roode and Magnus vs. Samoa Joe. We also have Joseph Park vs. Abyss, and I’m looking forward to see how they pull that off. The theme tonight is Turning Point which is what I am hoping this episode is. In the nearly three years I’ve been doing this , I kept wishing that they will do something that will finally enable them to stop being thought of as second rate. Will this be the first step in that direction? Let’s find out.
Impact opens up with Tenay telling us that Bobby Roode attacked James Storm last night. They show us video footage of Bobby Roode going into a bar, finding James Storm, and beating the shit out of him. I’m no legal expert, but I’m pretty sure this is assault. Whatever. Tenay tells us that they will keep us updated on this situation.
The opening narration goes over the recent happenings in TNA, including the World Title tournament, and also the Mr. Anderson vs. Bully Ray grudge match that I forgot to mention earlier. It’s career vs. club in that one.
Samoa Joe is in the back warming up for his match when Dixie walks up to him. She told him that she was going over her own performance last week, and said that if Samoa Joe ever took the tone he did with her again, he would join AJ Styles wrestling in third world countries. She also said that AJ Styles will never be in her company again, and that the crowd would rather see her first. The crowd booed audibly, which means that either A) They’ve gone back to the canned boos for the taped shows, or B) She is really getting over as a heel. Also, this is the first time I have ever heard a crowd reaction based on ing backstage shenanigans in TNA. It was weird.
In the arena, Dixie makes her way out. As the crowd boos, Dixie tells them that she knows they’re happy to have her back in Orlando. She may be lying, but I do know at least one person who is happy that they’re back: The dude in the first row wearing the Brooklyn Nets Jersey. He was a staple of all the Impact Zone shows. He usually wore NY Mets attire, though. I guess he finally realized how much they suck. Good for him though.
Back to Dixie. She says that ever since AJ left, he’s been wrestling around the world for minimum wage. That would still be more than what you pay some of your talent, Dixie. She says she feels disdain, “Which means ‘ticked off’ in trailer talk”. I love this bitch. Seriously. She says that AJ Styles has been running around with her intellectual property, but she’s going to make sure he doesn’t make anymore “yen” off of her. She is then interrupted by James Storm.
Storm is livid, as one would be, because of the beating he took. Dixie says that his bar escapades are his problem. Storm says that he has a bull rope, which is what the “Wheel of Dixie” landed on, but he wants to use chairs, tables, some ladies dentures, and some guy’s prosthetic leg (RIP Mad Dog) and have a “Florida Death Match” whatever the hell that is. Dixie refuses to do so, so Storm says if she doesn’t he’s going to call the cops and press charges against Bobby Roode from the assault. This is the best I’ve seen James Storm in a longtime. Dixie tells James to ask nicely, which he does. She says that if he calls the cops off, he’s got his match. This was a nice segment.
We then have the introductions for our first match.
Match 1: Samoa Joe vs. Magnus in a Falls Count Anywhere match
Magnus is out first. When Joe is introduced, he comes on the big screen and says since its falls count anywhere, Magnus should get his ass to the back. That was pretty awesome. Magnus makes his way to the back, but we go to commercial before he gets there. UGH!
Back from break, they are still backstage, but not for long. Glad they did that unique opening. They have a decent brawl until Samoa Joe goes all “Keystone Cops” and runs into a chair that was placed between the turnbuckles. This was enough for Magnus to pick up the win. What a shitty finish.
Backstage, Joseph Park is muttering about fighting his brother. He’s up next, right after this commercial.
When we get back, it’s not Joseph Park, but it’s my favorite duo, The Bad Influence. Kaz says that they are here to see that piece of wiener cheese, Joseph Park take on his brother Abyss. He gives us permission to try and enjoy this and to worship them. Thanks, Kaz. Then Park comes out.
Park cuts a promo saying that he’s going to put an end to the rumors, and that if it means he gets his butt whipped, then so be it.
Match 2: Abyss vs. Joseph Park
Christy Hemme, who is looking fiiiiiine tonight, introduces Abyss, not once but twice. Abyss no-shows, because duh. Kaz gets on a mic and says that these people want to be entertained, so Park better do a Truffle Shuffle or something quick. Goonies never say die! Daniels tells Park that usually when a wrestler starts at the bottom, trains and rises up the ranks of the Impact Roster, that it’s a good thing, but in Park’s case it isn’t. Daniels says it’s because Park isn’t a man, he’s a sack of mayonnaise with a law degree and a cheap track suit. What a great insult. Daniels says that Park is an embarrassment to his family, and starts bullying Park. Park looks downtrodden, so Daniels asks if he’s going to cry. Daniels starts to goad Park into a fight, but Park won’t. Daniels says that he knows what it would take, blood. Then Kaz goes all “Carrie” on Park, and dumps a bucket of blood on Park’s head. There is no rage reaction though. Daniels yells at park to get out of his ring. Park does, and he walks away sullen. I guess we don’t have the reveal this week. It’s coming though. I can feel it.
After a commercial, Gail Kim and Lei’d Tapa are in the ring. Gail says that it is week two of her open challenge and if anyone thinks they can beat her, to come on out. A hot blonde answers, and we have our next match.
Match 3: Gail Kim vs. Candice Larea
I have no idea who this girl is. If any of you know who she is, please let me know. She wasn’t very good, though. She lost a quick match, which was not a shock. She also got a Gail Kim breast in her mouth during the pinfall, so it wasn’t a complete loss.
After a break, there is another “Friends of AJ” video package, this time it’s footage of AJ in Japan.
There is a short interview with Mr. Anderson, where he screamed a lot. He also vowed to end A&E tonight. They cut to James Storm looking for weapons for his match. Gunner comes up to him, and James Storm thanks Gunner for being a partner better than Roode ever was. STOP YOUR LIES!! I know that you are supposed to hate him, but to straight up lie like that? For shame, Storm.
They show us a video package of the Roode/Storm breakup, which is a nice touch. One thing TNA does well is making sure we remember history instead of rewriting it. Storm is introduced, and we get a commercial.
Match 4: Bobby Roode vs. James Storm in a Florida Death Match
Storm runs up the ramp with a kendo stick and attacks Roode as he comes out of the tunnel. That was pretty awesome. There are no pinfalls or submissions; it’s similar to a last man standing match in as such as you have to beat a 10-count in order to continue. This was a fantastic brawl, and it told a great story of Roode being a relenting villain, and Storm being the courageous babyface, unwilling to stay down. The finish came when Gunner ran down and threw in the towel to save Storm from further punishment. I thought the finish was kind of weak, but it makes sense. Storm wasn’t staying down, despite the beatings, and Roode was going to put him into some barbed wire.
When we come back from a commercial, Gunner is attending to Storm, who is livid that Gunner threw in the towel. They have the typical “I did this for you” vs. “I would never quit” argument. This is likely leading to a Storm/Gunner feud that no one wants to see.
We have a short little video segment with Christy Hemme and former Gut Check competitor Sam Shaw, who now wants to be called Samuel. They are in Shaw’s apartment, and after they yell “cut” Shaw asks Hemme out on a date. She says yes. Damn you Shaw!!
Back in the Impact Zone, Dewey Barnes and Norv Fernum are talking in the back. They look like they should be hacking a super computer. EC3 bursts into the room. He says he flew them both here, and compares their rivalry to Steamboat and Flair and says that he can’t keep beating them every week, so basically he flew them here to tell them they suck. He also says he has a match with a returning TNA legend, so he’s nervous.
Backstage, Bully Ray cuts a promo about Anderson. He says that a year ago, TNA turned his back on Anderson, and Bully was the one who brought him back. He says that he took so good care of Anderson, that Ken should call him God. Bully says that tonight, after he piledrives Anderson through the stage, he’ll take real good care of Anderson’s pregnant wife. Bully sure does like to threaten rape a lot, doesn’t he?
After a commercial, Kurt Angle is reading off a card about Magnus. Well, if he wasn’t it sure looked like it. A stage hand says that Dixie needs to see him. He says he’s ready for Magnus.
Then we have our next match.
Match 5: EC3 vs. Shark Boy
I was hoping for Curry Man. (I know Curry Man is Daniels, so shush) This was the usual EC3 match, where Shark Boy got a brief flurry, but ultimately got squashed.
We then got a video package of the Anderson/Bully Ray feud. Again, this was well done.
After a commercial, Dixie orders Angle and Roode to lead a team of four men each in an eight-man elimination match. On Thanksgiving. This sounds familiar. If only I could figure out where she got that idea from. Then it’s Main Event time.
Match 6: Bully Ray vs. Mr. Anderson
The TNA locker room comes to the entrance ramp. This would be a more impactful sentiment if this was happening last year. A&E hasn’t been a threat in almost forever. In fact, this whole match and stipulation feels like its a few months too late. The match itself was just ok and Tenay and Taz tried to sell it like it was meaningful, but it just wasn’t. A&E wasn’t the supergroup it should have or could have been. Anderson won when Brooke threw a rubber hammer in the ring, but overthrew it to Anderson, who then hit Bully in the head WITH A RUBBER HAMMER! This was good enough for the win.
The post match celebration had The TNA guys make Taz remove his vest, and Anderson posed in the ring with them like they were trophies. That’s how it ended.
This was a pretty good show, but the main event was a letdown. Like I said already, A&E was nothing anymore. This match had absolutely nothing going for it except for imaginary hype. Anderson winning was almost a given at this point. Moving forward, I am interested to see how the Abyss/Joseph Park story is followed up, and I am also excited that James Storm seems to have been brought back to life. He has been one of my favorites, and he has been wallowing around for almost a year. Good to see him get a spotlight again. Overall, the show left a positive taste in my mouth, but it wasn’t a strong one. I really hope this was a “Turning Point.” See what I did there? Huh? Huh? Ahh, forget it.
Until next time, that’s all I got.
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