What’s up guys and gals? Welcome to the last edition of WTF for 2013. I know I have been slacking a bit with the reviews lately, but things have finally settled down, and I should be back to my weekly posts. So now, without much more fanfare and ado, I present to you this week’s happenings in the crazy, mixed up world that is TNA! Onwards and upwards!
Our opening video is of Magnus’ win last week to become TNA World Champion for the first time. I am very happy that Magnus has been given the top spot. He’s worked really hard and improved greatly since being the worst member of The British Invasion. I just hope that his heel run turns out to be great, because I think he can really thrive on top.
After the promo, my new favorite comedy character, Rockstar Spud, comes out to introduce Dixie Carter. Seriously, this guy is fantastically clueless, and I freaking love that. When Dixie comes out, she puts over Magnus as being the “Top Man in Dixie Land!” Great line. She also put him over as a hero to everyone, fans and wrestlers alike. The fans are chanting for AJ Styles the whole time, because of course they do, but Dixie ignores it. Dixie is going to announce a surprise, but Jeff Hardy’s music hits.
Hardy comes out and says that it doesn’t matter who the champion is, his creatures know who he is. Mr. Spud gets his whole four foot frame in Hardy’s face and tells him that this is Dixie’s time, not Jeff’s. Jeff says it will only take a minute, and Spud interrupts again, saying that Hardy’s minute is u. Jeff grabs him by the throat and throws him into a corner. Hardy starts advancing towards Dixie, but is attacked by EC3. He takes care of Hardy, and Dixie lets us all know that she is ok. Haha, what a wonderful bitch. She goes to make her announcement again, but is interrupted again, this time by Sting.
Sting wants to kick the crap out of EC3, so he proposes a tag match: Sting and Hardy vs. Spud and EC3. Dixie says she won’t grant the match because this isn’t about what Sting wants; it’s about what she wants. Then, hilariously, she says she wants someone to shut Sting up, so she makes the tag match official. Amazing. Her music plays, and she yells for her music to be cut off so she can make her announcement. We instead go to commercial.
Back from commercial, Dixie is about to make her announcement, but is interrupted again, this time by Gunner. Her reaction to his music playing was priceless. Gunner says that he wants to cash in his Feast or Fired briefcase on Magnus. Dixie tells him that Magnus is in England, so he has to wait. Ooh, I can’t wait for THAT match. Dixie dismisses Gunner, and is about to make her announcement, but is interrupted again, this time by James Storm. Dixie’s reaction was funny again. Storm and Gunner argue about what lead to their split as a team, with Storm accusing Gunner of telling Bobby Roode which bar Storm was in that night he got beat up by Roode. This all leads to Dixie making a match of Storm vs. Gunner for Gunner’s briefcase. Dixie then tells us that she no longer wants to tell us her surprise. She orders her music to play, and she leaves. We also get another commercial. When we return, we have our first match.
Match 1: James Storm vs. Gunner
GunStorm explodes!!! Are you ready for the feud nobody was asking for? Yeah, neither am I. I’m not taking anything away from Gunner, but James Storm deserves better than this. Oh great, we get a double count out. The booking team knows that a three minute match shouldn’t end that way, right? Right?
Backstage, Brooke Assmacher is with Bully Ray. She is yelling at him for ignoring her since A&E broke up. He sits in silence, so she threatens to go to the ring to air his dirty laundry. He calls her name, and tells her that it would be a bad idea if she did. She just walks away. We then have another commercial. The pacing of this show sucks.
After a commercial, there is a pre-taped interview with Magnus, who basically shits on his previous gimmicks, except his team with Samoa Joe, and even takes a shot at Hogan. It was weird because some of it was in character, while some of it wasn’t.
Back in the Impact Zone, Brooke comes out and calls out Bully Ray. He comes out, and she starts making fun of Bully for being emo, and then says she’s done with him. Bully grabs her by the arm and says that she’s not done until he’s done with her. He then basically calls her nothing more than a live sex toy, and a bad one at that. He then tells her to spread his word of evil, and to tell everyone that no matter what they think is coming, it’s gonna be worse than they can imagine. There is also some weird mood music playing, similar to what played after he destroyed Anderson last week. This is what I feared most about them returning to the Impact Zone – the shitty editing. It’s just terrible. Oh look, another commercial. I guess this is how they are keeping the bills paid.
After the break, there is another Magnus video in which he talks about his return in England and joining the MEM. Then we cut to EC3 and Rockstar Spud in Dixie’s office. EC3 is asking his Aunt D to cancel the match, but she convinces him that she has his back tonight.
We then have a video package of the Joseph-Park-is-Abyss story. It was really good. They cut to EY and Park in the back. EY is psyching Park up, and tells the sound guy to hit Park’s music. He plays Abyss’ music, and Park says that it wasn’t his music, but EY says it is. Park comes out with the board full of nails known as Janice, and we get another commercial.
Back from break, instead of going back to the match, we get a backstage segment with Sting and Jeff Hardy where Sting tells Jeff that he is marking out to tag with him tonight. No, seriously. He said that. Jeff tells Sting that he really didn’t want to wrestle tonight, but Sting makes it all better. I wish Sting would just go away. After that, we have our second match.
Match 2: Joseph Park vs. Bad Influence in a Monster’s Ball match
The match was a basic brawl, but the story it told was great. I loved how Bad Influence made it a point not to hit Park in the face, lest he see his blood. It was a nice touch with EY coming out and Joseph Park pleading that he couldn’t do it alone, which lead to Park getting busted open, and turning into Abyss. He also celebrated the match as Abyss instead of turning back to Park as has been the norm, so it’s going to be interesting to see how this plays out.
After a commercial, there is another Magus video, where he talks about how he felt the BFG series was his coming out party. I agree, I thought he was going to win the whole thing, and if it wasn’t for the Styles story, he probably would have.
Gail Kim and Lei’d Tapa make their way to the ring. Gail cuts a promo about how she was humiliated by Madison Rayne and ODB last week, and how her problems are Tapa’s problems. This leads to our next match.
Match 3: ODB vs. Lei’d Tapa
Tapa is awful in the ring, and it looks like ODB had to go easy on her. Tapa’s finisher is pretty cool though. It’s a combo AA/Stunner type move. Tapa won. That’s all for this match.
In the back, Sabin and Velvet are talking. Sabin mentions that he has a rematch with Aries next week and this somehow lead to him walking out on Velvet, thus making her cry. Whatever.
They cut to Sting trying to pump up Hardy for the math, but Hardy looks uninterested. Then there’s another commercial.
After the break, we have Magnus again talking about how he is loyal to Dixie because she gave him his first real shot in the business. I like that the reason makes sense. Magnus says that their partnership will last for years. Or months, if things don’t turn around for TNA.
We then have the introductions for the main event. Before the match starts, Dixie comes on the screen and makes her announcement: Next week there will be a coronation ceremony for Magnus. She then makes the main event a handicap match and introduces the partners for EC3 and the Spudman – Tag team champions the Bro Mans. Well, shit.
Match 4: EC3/Rockstar Spud/The Bro Mans vs. Sting/Jeff Hardy
Is it just me, or does the heel side feel a bit out of place right now? There is absolutely no way that anyone on this side should be in the main event at all. Maybe it would have been better if EC3 was built up better, or there was a veteran heel like Bobby Roode, but three of these guys are a comedy team at best. These are guys who Sting and Hardy should beat easily, not have a prolonged match with. Like I said, maybe if they weren’t treated like jokes for so long. I also get that they are trying to build an EC3/Sting feud, but there are other ways to go about it. This match would have been better off as a mid card match. EC3 got the win with a surprise roll up. The match kind of bored me a bit though.
Post match, Jeff Hardy got on the mic and said that he got into the wrestling business because of Sting, and that he hasn’t had his heart in a while. He says that Dixie Carter’s actions over the past six months have taken the fight out of him. He says that we just saw his last match in TNA. Cue Royal Rumble rumors. Impact ends with Hardy walking away from the ring.
This episode gets a big ehhhhhh out of me. There were a few things of note, such as the Abyss story, and of course the Hardy promo. I seriously have no idea if this is story or not, but if he is really leaving the company, then TNA is in some serious trouble. Hardy is unquestionably one of their biggest stars in the company as far as star power is concerned, and they are not doing a good job building up any replacements for him. Also, one week after winning his first World Title and Magnus isn’t on the show? That makes no sense, especially considering that they tape the shows at once now. One last thing about taped Impact episodes: If you are going to edit them in a way that makes it feel like a high school student’s final, then you are not going to have an interesting show. The piped cheers/boos, weird jump cuts, and that god awful mood music during Bully Ray’s promo do nothing but make you look amateurish. I really hope that it gets better soon, otherwise they won’t see, many more tapings.
Until next time, that’s all I got.
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