What’s up Impact Players? It’s time for this week’s review of our favorite bi-polar wrestling company and it’s hit or miss television program, and that’s TNA Impact Wrestling! They are still airing the shows they did from Scotland, and that’s ok by me. It feels weird looking at a legit full crowd for TNA, but if they could put a better product out here in the states I’m sure they could bring in a better crowd than the local tourists. Anyway, let’s get in with this thing, shall we?
Impact opens with a very brief video of the end of last week’s show where we were introduced to TNA’s new Investor, MVP. Then we cut to a brawl between EY and Abyss. They have a Monster’s Ball match scheduled for tonight, and judging by the looks of things, we are going to have that brawl first up. Aww man, I was hoping for a momentum killing 20-minute segment about Sting leaving the company. Color me disappointed.
Match 1: Abyss vs. EY in a Monster’s Ball match
Holy shit, this thing was fantastic. I am pretty sure that I could watch EY and Abyss beat the hell out of each other for days. Of course this is just furthering the Joseph Park/Abyss story, and I think it’s finally going to reach the conclusion because the finish saw EY pulling the Abyss mask/wig off of Park’s face before eating a Black Hole Slam that gave the victory to the Monster. Post match saw Park staring at the mask with a confused look on his face with the announcers selling said confusion. I still think my “Fight Club” idea would have been better, but I guess this why I write a goofy blog whilst the creative team gives us “on a pole “matches.
Backstage, Bobby Roode has a meeting with Dixie Carter. Apparently he has a contract for the world title drawn up just waiting for Dixie’s signature. Dixie is of course indignant about it, saying that she can’t sign the contract because of MVP. She says she knows that she promised Roode a title shot at Lockdown if Roode helped Magnus get rid of Sting. The logic in this thing is confusing. I guess it’s best not to think of these things too hard. Dixie says that she can’t justify giving Roode a title shot because Roode lost his last match, so instead she books Roode in a match against Samoa Joe, who became the #1 contender last week after making Magnus tap out in a tag match. Roode is pissed off, naturally, bust Dixie makes a subtle hint about Roode cheating to win. Roode walks away saying that if Dixie is trying to screw him that it’s going to bite her in the ass.
After a commercial, we are greeted by the new Investor, MVP. He still uses that name, in case you are wondering. The thing about this promo that I loved the most is that MVP came off as a star, and he made the company look legit in the process. When he first came out, he started talking about where he’s been the last few years. He said that he has been just living life on his terms, and references his legit criminal background saying that he learned that there are consequences for actions, unlike here in TNA. He says that the fans are tired of crazy owners make decisions without considering how it affects the talent or the fans. Is that a shot at WWE? I don’t think so. I think it was just a reference to how Dixie has been running her company. He goes on to say that when he knew he couldn’t evoke the change he needed by just being a talent, so he made a few wise investments, made some money, made more investments, found some people willing to back him, and came to TNA. That’s a cool back-story. Short and simply put. There is no need to overdo things. He says that TNA has the components to be a great company, with all their talent and the international fan base, but mismanagement has hurt them. A doyyy. Well, mismanagement and not hiring me of course. MVP gives us his word that it won’t happen again, and attempts to state his agenda, but gets interrupted by Sir Spud of Rockstar.
Spud acts nervous, and MVP calls him Dixie’s lapdog. MVP apologizes for the crack saying that he wants to be fair. Spud says that Dixie just wants to make new stars, and would love to talk to MVP about being fair, even saying that she will welcome him with outstretched arms. MVP says that he knows how Dixie’s people roll and they better watch out. He then announces that he booked a match for tonight between Magnus and Kurt Angle. That match is going t be dope broski. It’s non-title though, so expect an Angle win. I think there is going to be a four-way at Lockdown. (For the record, I know the main event for Lockdown is set already, but I have not read the spoilers, so there.) That ends the segment. MVP lived up to his name this week. I hope this is the starting point we have all been waiting for.
Backstage, Bully Ray quotes on of the greatest poets of my generation, Coolio, as he talks about Ken Anderson and beating him in the coffin match next week. He says that he will shove the next person he sees into the coffin. I think Bully needs a Snickers. He doesn’t seem like himself.
After a commercial, Curry Man makes his not-so-anticipated return to Impact. I don’t know who he was supposed to fight because Bully showed up and just beat the piss out of Curry Man. Bully threw Curry Man into the coffin, thus sending a message to Anderson to not dress up like a popular spice.
Backstage, Magnus is protesting his match to Dixie. Dixie half-heartedly tells Magnus that he got this, because it’s non-title. Umm, sure. Dixie starts complaining that she doesn’t look that good, and Spud, who kind of just appeared there, pays her some phony compliments, which she deflects, naturally. EC3 shows up next to talk to his Aunt Dixie, but she tells him that she has too many problems to talk to him, such as the new investor, and the fact that her make-up doesn’t work for her right now. What a glorious line. Hate all you want, but I love the shit out of her right now, as long as they keep her to a minimum, of course. Dixie tells Ethan that they can catch-up next week, and he sarcastically says he can’t wait. Looks like there is trouble in Camp Dixie. Ooh, the intrigue.
After a commercial, Austin Aries makes his way out to the ring. There is a nice little chant for him. Aries has a microphone. He puts over his accomplishments in TNA, such as winning every title in TNA, and creating “Option C” which allows the X-Division champion to cash in the X-Division title for a World title shot. He says he is looking forward to repeating that action, but is interrupted by the Bro Mans, who are just a distraction as Zema Ion levels Aries with his briefcase that holds his X-Division title shot. He stands over a fallen Aries saying he is cashing in his briefcase for that title shot. Earl Hebner runs out and we have this match.
Match 2: Zema Ion vs. Austin Aries for the X-Division title
Zema tried for a quick win, but Aries kicked out. Ion attacked Aries some more, but Aries kicked out of everything Ion threw at him, ultimately turning it around and pinning Ion after hitting a brainbuster. Well, that takes care of that, I suppose.
Backstage, Dixie and Spud are awaiting MVP, who is apparently on his way.
After a commercial, there is footage shown of Samuel Shaw on his date with Christy Hemme from last week, and the reveal that Shaw has a room o’ Hemme. They cut to earlier today, where Christy is confronting Shaw about the shrine. She tells Shaw that she thinks they should keep it professional. Shaw agrees, but murders Hemme with his eyes. This guy has got creepy down pat.
They cut to Roode, who is complaining that he has to jump through another hoop to get what he wants. He says that it’s unfair, but he wants his shot at Magnus. Magnus shows up and the bicker back and forth about what has happened between them. It wasn’t that great of a segment.
Another cut, this time to Dixie’s office, where she’s finally meeting with MVP. Dixie and MVP have a nice little chat about being fair, with MVP seeing through Dixie’s BS. He convinces her that they should have a meeting in the ring to discuss the future of the company, so they can get the fans involved. Dixie says she has no problems with that. She does have a problem with MVP making the Angle/Magnus match. MVP claims he did it “in fairness.” I love him so far. I hope that this lasts for awhile.
After a commercial, we have our next match.
Match 3: Kurt Angle vs. Magnus
This match was very short because EC3 decided that Kurt Angle needed to be jumped after wrestling for about three minutes. The match then just turned into an EC3 beat down of Kurt Angle. Carter is focusing on Angle’s knee, and I have no idea if they are writing Kurt off or starting a feud between the two, but EC3 looked strong in destroying Angle like that. They had to put Angle on a stretcher, and this just made Carter look like a beast. This was good.
After a commercial, we get a replay of what just happened. Then they cut to Angle in the back on the stretcher being tended to buy Samoa Joe. Joe cuts a promo on Dixie that she has taken out the best wrestlers in the company, and that if she thinks she can do that to him, then she has a war coming. Joe is freaking scary, and I think that he feels invigorated to have a bigger role in the company. He just better watch out for secret kidnapping ninjas.
They then air a video package of the Sabin/Velvet Sky break-up. They cut to Sabin backstage in a room he says that he and Velvet had their first kiss a few years ago, and that tonight something special will happen again. Velvet shows up, and Sabin asks her to have a seat. Then they cut to commercial.
When we get back, Velvet says she is feeling awkward. Sabin says that when Velvet broke up with him, his heart broke. He then says that he had a veil lifted and says that he knows what he had to do. He pulls out a ring box, and Velvet is all giddy or nervous or something, I can’t tell because she’s a bad actress. She looks in the box and sees that it’s empty. Sabin says that he wants Velvet to get out of his life. He talks about being the World Champion and only being asked only about dating Velvet. Dude, you were champ for like, a day. Calm down with that, ok? He then says that he is going to take care of this the way wrestlers do, and he challenges Velvet Sky to a match next week. He leaves Velvet sobbing, and I really don’t care.
Then we have “Main Event Story Line Replay” as they recap everything that has happened tonight with Dixie and MVP. Then Samoa Joe and Bobby Roode are introduced for their match, before there is another commercial.
Match 4: Samoa Joe vs. Bobby Roode to determine the #1 contender for the World Title
This was an ok match, but I’m bothered that a match with so much importance only got so little time. I think they could have skipped a bunch of those replays and make this match feel like something special. Joe picked up an anti-climatic win with his rear-naked choke. I guess it’s Joe vs. the Volcano, err, Magnus at Lockdown.
After a break, Dixie makes her way to the ring. She gets on the microphone and thanks the crowd for being excited to see her (they booed the shit out of her, btw.) She then introduces, again, MVP. I guess it’s summit time here in Scotland. Dixie starts talking about Magnus and says that he has accomplished everything they hoped he would. She says that Magnus sets the bar high for his peers and his fans. Dixie says that all nations should emulate Magnus in his greatness. Dixie says that if everyone continues to follow her lead then they will all be successful. MVP is not buying any of this. Dixie says that they should talk about the changes that need to happen. MVP decides he will talk about this.
MVP starts ripping Dixie for being a terrible owner and only allowing her friends to get the spotlight. MVP: “I did not come here to be a butler at a Paula Dean party.” What a line. He says that he is going to end Dixie’s reign of terror and that the party is over. And so is Impact.
There was a lot to like about this episode, but they fell in to the same old trap of too many promo segments. I love MVP, and I like the angle, but if the party truly is over, then can we please have more matches and less talking please? I don’t want this to turn into something I am going to hate in a few weeks. There is a lot to like right now, and I don’t want them to trip over their own feet again.
Until next week, that’s all I got.
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