Hello guys and gals! Welcome to this week’s edition of WTF! As usual, I’ll be your guide on this journey through the wacky and sometime ludicrous world of TNA wrestling. SO hold on to your hats my friends, and let’s go on this adventure, shall we?
Hercules Q. Narrator is up first and he brings us up to speed with current TNA events, such as Rampage Jackson’s arrival into TNA, his subsequent confrontation with Kurt Angle, the BFG series, and the Bully Ray/Hogan saga that showed Brooke Hogan “saving” Bully from being attacked by Hogan. Then the music of Old Man Hogan hits, and we are underway.
He is on the mic, and he says that last week it took an act of god to prevent him from hitting Bully with the hammer last week. Brooke is no god, Hogan. He says that he told Brooke to stay home this week. What a caring father. He then changes subject to the BFG series, and says that this week is the selection show, and there are only a few spots left. He says that joining last week’s qualifiers (Hernandez, Jay Bradley, and Samoa Joe) will be the winners of the last two BFG series, and he wants to bring out last year’s winner, so out comes Jeff Hardy.
Hardy says that he’s tired of hammers and Aces and Eights, so this year he’s going to win the BFG series. Bobby Roode’s music hits, and the longest reigning champion in TNA history is out. He says that he’s 1-for-1 in the BFG series, and that this year he’ll be 2-for-2. Hardy and Roode get all uppity, and Hogan says that next week is Open Fight Night, and he’s going to allow the fans to vote on who gets the first call out, Roode or Hardy. This makes no sense. We all know that one will call out the other, so why not just book the match? Oh, because Hogan is a tool, that’s why. The A&E music hits, and out comes Bully Ray with Garett Bischoff and Wes Brisco. Bully asks Hogan why no members of A&E are in the BFG series. Hogan says that there is one spot for an A&E member and that tonight there will be a battle royal amongst them, and they will have to fight each other to find out who. Bully is pissed off, and sends the two Stooges in after Roode and Hardy, who easily dispatch the rookies. Then Roode attacks Hardy because he hates him, duh. Segment ends there.
Backstage, The Bad Influence cut a promo about their match tonight. They are fighting Gunner and Storm tonight, and the winners of the match will both be in the BFG series. Daniels and Kaz are their usual awesome selves in this promo, and Daniels says that one of them will have the gold around their waists. I hope so. The match is up next, but first a commercial.
Match 1: The Bad Influence vs. Gun Storm
This was a short match, and I expected more. Maybe they are still trying to save us from having to watch Gunner wrestle. The Bad Influence win the match when Daniels hits Storm with the tag team title belt while the ref Brian “My family sucks at refereeing” Hepner is distracted, and Kaz rolls him up. Not a great match at all.
Backstage, Crimson (!) is there and he says that we haven’t seen him in a year and he’s pissed. Good for him, I guess.
After a commercial, we see Velvet Sky backstage. She has an envelope in her hand, and she says that it has good news in it. I don’t care.
Crimson comes out next. He says that he went undefeated for four hundred and seventy days, but after he lost, he was sent home for twelve months. He says now he has a chance to qualify for the BFG series, and he calls out his opponent, Joseph Park.
Match 2: Crimson vs. Joseph Park
SO how do you reintroduce Crimson? You have him dominate Park for about two or three minutes, then you have Park roll him up for the win. I shit you not that happened. What a dumb move. He didn’t even “Abyss Up” or anything. Assholes.
Mickie James is backstage putting on makeup. She’s talking to herself about what Velvet has for her. Then she asks herself if she’s ready. I like heel Mickie.
After a commercial, Velvet Sky comes out. She’s looking really good, but then she opens her mouth and ruins that for me. Her voice is annoying. She says that her friendship with Mickie has been strained, but she wants to clear the air. She calls out Mickie. After a few bars of “Hardcore Country”, the KO champion comes out. Velvet gives Mickie the envelope. Inside is clearance for Velvet to wrestle on her injured knee. Mickie says that the note was dated yesterday, but as far as Mickie can see, Velvet is still hurt. While Velvet wonders what that means, Mickie kicks her in the knee and puts her in a very nice looking leg submission that focused on the injured knee. There it is folks – the official Mickie James heel turn. Enjoy it.
Backstage, Matt Morgan is pissed off that he has to qualify for the BFG series. He tells the other three men in the match to watch out. He doesn’t mention them by name, because why would you want to put over your match? Dick. Shave your beard, jerk.
After a commercial, we have that match.
Match 3: Matt Morgan vs. Kenny King vs. Rob Terry vs. Magnus
Only Morgan got a TV entrance. The other three were just chilling in the ring. This was an ok match, with Magnus winning, which I really don’t have a problem with, except why give the promo time to Morgan? They do that all the time. They let Morgan talk a good game, but then he jobs out. That is not the best way of booking, you know. He just comes off as a punk who can’t win a match.
After a commercial, EY makes his return. He says that he’s going to be in the BFG series after he beats Awesome Aries tonight. Then he goes to take a shit. Yup, that happened.
They air two video packages next. One is for Rampage Jackson’s debut, and one for Sting. Then Sting comes out. He gets on the mic and says it’s good to be back in Atlanta. He says that last year he was inducted in the HOF, but this year he failed at beating Bully Ray, so he can never get another title shot. Silver linings people. He says that he can take the loss, but what upsets him is that he was left to fight for himself. He was upset that no one came out to help him, but he got over that. He says that A&E is like family and that now Sting has to get his own family to help him. He says he is reforming the Main Event Mafia. Really, this is going to happen. But who will join? If he picks anyone on the current roster, then he just messed up, because he’s going to have to pick guys who didn’t help him at Slammiversary. Wait, why am I using logic? Sorry, carry on. I’m just scared this will lead to Jeff Jarrett returning. It’s been nice without him.
After a commercial, Short Attention Span Theater shows us a clip of the Sting Promo. Then EY makes his way out for his match. Before the match starts, they show a clip of EY’s fishing show where ODB guest starred. That was pointless.
Match 4: Awesome Aries vs. EY
This was probably the best match so far. EY brought it to Aries, but in the end, the established former champion beat the comedy act. It was entertaining, but they need to make EY more serious. He’s not getting any younger, and I think it’s time they reward his loyalty.
Backstage, A&E was having a meeting. Bully is asking DOC what his problem is. Without getting into it, Bully says that the issue was already on the table and agreed to. Bully asks if they all agree. One by one, they all say “agreed” including DOC, but he hesitated at first. They all raised their beers and toasted the decision. Then someone off camera burped, because burping makes you tough and feared, apparently. Oh, and I would be remiss if I didn’t point out the goofy faux hawk of Garett Bischoff, which somehow makes him look more like a douche.
After a commercial, they air a video narrated by Chris Sabin about his injuries and comeback. He says that he wonders what would have happened if he didn’t suffer his second injury. He then says that he doesn’t know if he could leave the X-division title behind and try for a world title match. Apparently, Chris Sabin is an idiot. Of course you do that. What did Austin once say? If you’re not here to win the world title you should just go home. I agree with that statement and always have. Sabin’s character would be dumb to consider anything else.
Then we have our next match.
Match 5: The A&E battle royal to determine which member of A&E will be in the BFG series
This was not technically a match as Anderson was apparently selected to represent A&E in the BFG series, as he mock eliminated all the members. All members except for DOC that is, who stopped his fake elimination and attacked Anderson. Anderson eliminated him about fifteen seconds after that, which only made DOC look like a chump. Good going guys!
Backstage, Rampage was asking Angle what he meant last week when Angle said that he would take on Rampage when Rampage was “ready.” Angle said that Rampage needed to train for his debut much like Angle would have to train if he wanted to fight Rampage in Bellator Fighting. Rampage approved this message, and they shook each other’s hands.
After a commercial, A&E is arguing amongst themselves about what just occurred. Bully yelled at DOC for not sticking to the plan. Bully eventually calms things down, and DOC says that he wants to take out AJ Styles to repay him for turning his back on A&E. Bully tells him to get the job done.
They replay Sting’s announcement of a new Main Event Mafia because this young babyface Sting is finally getting his due.
Then we have our next match, which is a BFG series Qualifier.
Match 6: AJ Styles vs. Kurt Angle
Two quick thoughts: One: How come they both couldn’t be in the BFG series? Two: Why are they giving this match away so close after they made you pay for it? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind them wrestling each other, I am just curious. This of course was your match of the night. It was a good TV match, but in overbooked fashion, the end came when A&E went after AJ, but he turned the tables on them. Kurt was distracted as well, and AJ used that to roll up Angle for the win. The post match had A&E attack Angle, but he was saved by Rampage. It’s interesting to note that Rampage didn’t actually hit anyone, he just kind of swung a chain around which made A&E flee in terror. Impact ended with Angle and Rampage standing side by side.
This show deviated from the recent norm of the second show of the set of tapings being far inferior to the first. This episode had its faults, but it also set in stone the BFG series as well. Also, the lack of involvement from Hogan, other than the opening segment of course, did not go unnoticed. I am so sick of his lame clichés and nonsensical ramblings. I am also not interested at all in a new MEM, unless they bring back Scott Steiner and allow him to ramble incoherently as he is wont to do. It’s ratings gold people! Yes, I’ve been drinking.
Until I see you for headlines, that’s all I got.
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