WTF! TNA Impact Review for 6/6/13
Hello guys and gals! Welcome to this week’s edition of WTF! This week we deal with the fallout from Slammiversary, which was highlighted by Sting kicking out of 1,243 piledrivers, despite it being the “most feared move ever!” Also, Quentin “Rampage” Jackson makes his debut tonight as the newest free agent signing by Dixie Carter, who once again proves she has no idea what she’s doing. Don’t get me wrong, the Rampage will bring viewers (I think) but what good are those extra viewers if what you are putting on isn’t that great? Anyway, enough with the intro, let’s just get on with the review, shall we?
Impact opens with a video package of Slammiversary. It’s funny to me that the first voice you hear is Todd Keneley’s because he was released by the company earlier this week. They focus on the overbooked finish of the PPV, because of course. What isn’t mentioned is how good the Knockout’s match was. But I digress. After the video package, Bully Ray comes out.
The crowd boos, and Bulky says they are all happy to see him. He says that he is the guy that defeated Sting at Slammiversary. He says that Slammiversary hasn’t been good to Sting the last couple of years, as last year was the first time Sting was jumped by Aces and Eights, and this year he defeated Sting “single-handedly.” Oh, Bully you’re so funny. He says that TNA has no more heroes left, and that the only thing left for Bully is to be inducted into the Hall Of Fame. He calls out Dixie so she can make the announcement. Instead, Hogan’s music hits.
The Geriatric Manager (what, that’s not what GM stands for?) comes out. He’s wearing a glove on his left hand because he thought it would be a good idea to have a radiator explode on it. All kidding aside, if you saw the pics of the accident, then ouch. Anyway, Hogan calls Atlanta “Hulkamania country” because why call it “TNA Country” and congratulates Bully on his win. He then says this line: “I could not believe how Stinger slipped on a banana peel with all the kings’ horses and all the kings’ men, and all the Aces and Eights are the ones who really beat the Stinger again.” Go home Hogan, you’re drunk. Anyway, Hogan says that Bully doesn’t have to worry about more competition because the BFG series wills start soon, and next week there will be a list of twelve competitors announced on the “selection show.” Hogan says that Bully will have a match tonight, against a man he screwed – Jeff Hardy! Bully freaks out. Hogan says that this Jeff’s first night back here in the “Impact Zone” (oops) so he wants to make Jeff Hardy feel at home. He tells Bully that the title won’t be on the line, but there will be a ladder match, and hanging in the balance will be a hammer. Yup. A hammer. Now, before I get ripped in the comments about knocking this when WWE did something similar recently, remember that sucked too, and this column has never been a comparison article anyway, so shush.
Backstage, Chavo is with Hernandez. Chavo apologizes to Hernandez for them losing the tag titles at the PPV, but they are both entered in the BFG series. Hernandez extends his hand to thank Chavo for teaching him the “Guererro way”. Chavo balks and says he didn’t teach Hernandez everything and leaves Hernandez hanging. A heel turn by Chavo? This is interesting.
After a commercial, we have our first match.
Match 1: Chavo vs. Hernandez
This match is announced as a BFG series qualifying match. I thought there was a selection show? What the hell is going on? Umm, TNA creative, your head is up your ass again. Please remove it. Thanks. Anyway, the match was ok. Both guys had a hard time hitting their signature spots, and the finish was Hernandez reversing a roll-up to roll-up Chavo for the win. Hernandez is in the BFG series, I think. Chavo finally shakes Hernandez’s hand. Yay?
Backstage, they show Rampage arriving. He runs into Storm and Gunner first, and they welcome him to TNA.
After a commercial, A&E music hits, and Devon comes out. He tells the “Jackasses in Georgia” to sit down and shut up. He calls out Abyss to take back the TV title that was “stolen” from Devon at Slammiversary. Instead of Abyss, we get Joseph Park. Park says that at the PPV, he was robbed and he’s going to do what he should have done before, and he takes down Devon. He takes control for a minute, but Devon overwhelms the “rookie”. Just when Devon is about to smash Park with a chair, Abyss’ music hits. Devon gets in the ring to await the arrival of the monster. Of course Abyss doesn’t show, and Devon says that he’s going backstage to look for him. He leaves. Meanwhile, Park gets up from his beating and is bleeding from the mouth. He wipes the blood away, but when he sees it, he “snaps” and gets a crazed look in his eye. Am I the only one that likes this story? It’s very unique. I hope they can pull it off.
After a commercial, they show Devon and Knux looking for Abyss in the back. Then Robbie E. comes out. He says that last year he was the MVP of the BFG since last year he beat the eventual winner, Jeff Hardy. He says he even got five points! What a nitz. He says to whoever his opponent is tonight “OHHH”. Samoa Joe’s music hits and we have the next match.
Match 2: Robbie E. vs. Samoa Joe
In case you’re one of the few people that don’t know any better, Joe won the match. The match took about as long as it took me to write this review of it.
After a commercial, they show last week’s KO segment where Gail Kim beat up Velvet Sky while Mickie James watched. Then they cut to Mickie and Velvet in the back. Mickie apologizes for not helping Velvet last week, but says everything was moving in slow motion, but it’s a good thing that Taryn was able to make the save. Velvet says she accepts the apology, but wants her rematch tonight, Mickie says that she already has a match tonight, but when Velvet is ready to go, they will have that rematch. She walks away, as Velvet protests to no avail.
They air a video package of the announcement of Kurt Angle into the TNA HOF. I liked it. TNA has a really good video package team.
After a commercial, it’s Rampage time! Borash is there to welcome him. Rampage says he grew up in Memphis, so he was a huge wrestling fan. He said he used to do big slams until he got addicted to knocking people out. He says that in TNA to be the best, he has to beat the best. This brings out Kurt Angle. Angle says that Rampage is looking at the best, and someday, when Rampage is ready, he’ll have to go through Kurt. He says it’s real, it’s damn real, and they stare each other down before a handshake ends the segment. That was very anti-climatic. Welcome to TNA, folks.
They show Hardy in the back. He’s excited to be in a ladder match with a hammer even if the title isn’t on the line. Of course he is. They show the new champs crowned at Slammiversary, Chris Sabin, and Gunner/Storm walking to the ring. Then another commercial.
When we return, Short Attention Span Theater returns, as they replay the Rampage/Angle segment. They show Bully in the back with Anderson. They mention that D’lo isn’t a member of A&E anymore, and Anderson says that the VP slot is open. Bully asks if Anderson has any suggestions on a replacement. Anderson stutters a bit, and Bully changes the subject. He wonders why Hogan would risk Hardy’s health in this match, and wonders why there are no A&E members in the BFG series. Anderson asks if Bully needs any help in his match later with Hardy, and it’s totally Bully’s call. Bully tells him that a good VP knows how to make that call. Bully leaves and Anderson thinks he was just named VP. Then we have our next match.
Match 3: Kenny King/Bobby Roode/Awesome Aries vs. James Storm/Gunner/Chris Sabin
The heel team made me a little giddy. King is a perfect fit with Roode and Aries. It looks like they are making this a personal affair with Sabin and King about the X-Division title, which us ridiculous since they said all X-Division matches are three-way dances now. I think they realized what a dumb ass idea that was. This was a good TV match, and given the performers, it’s not entirely surprising. Even Gunner looked good. Maybe the time off did him some good. The good guys won when Sabin pinned King with his finisher, which needs a name.
After a commercial, they show Devon and Knux still looking for Abyss. They come across a door and assume that’s where Abyss is. They then air a video package of the KO match from Slammiversary, which was really good, and cut to Brooke Hogan and Taryn Terrell. Brooke congratulates Taryn on her victory. Taryn says that Gail had it coming, but then asks if Brooke is still in love with Bully. Brooke tells her to keep it about wrestling. Taryn apologizes and thankfully that ends our time with Brooke Hogan. Then we have our next match.
Match 4: Mickie James vs. Taeler Hendrix
Here is all you need to know about this match: Mickie James is playing her new role perfectly, Hendrix needs to improve, but is better than when she debuted, Mickie feigned a knee injury that led to her victory. Oh, and I am partial to red heads, so Hendrix must stick around forever now. She’s smoking. That is all.
We cut to Devon and Knux still looking for Abyss. Devon tells Knux to hang back and takes off. Then Abyss’ shadow attacks Knux’ shadow. Seriously. Devon returns, and wonders where Knux is. All of a sudden, the TV title is thrown at Devon. He looks perplexed until Knux is thrown at him as well. Then Abyss appears and drops Devon. He holds the belt over Devon and says he’s taking the title into the abyss. What clever writing that was.
After a commercial, they show the video package of the Sting/Bully match form Slammiversary. It was overbooked (duh) but it made Sting look too strong, you know? I understand that per the stipulation, Sting needed to look like he wouldn’t go down easy, but I think they went a bit overboard with the booking. Just my opinion. They show a tweet from Sting saying this:”Left to fight alone…Message received!” They announce Sting for next week to discuss how he is feeling after the match. I’m interested to see how this is going to play out.
Up next is our Main Event.
Match 5: Jeff Hardy vs. Bully Ray in a Ladder with a Hammer Match
This was a fun match despite the ridiculous stipulation. They have had great chemistry in the ring for a long time, and that always helps. Like I said though, the match was good, but it was the aftermath that was the focus. After Bully retrieved the hammer (does that make him the winner? I’m so confused), Hardy blocked the Bully’s attack and ended up with the hammer himself. Hardy swung at Bully, who bailed to the back. Bully is shown backstage, staggering and looking for his belt. Hogan sneaks up behind him, and he has a hammer of his own. He is about to hit Bully when Brooke screams out “NO!” allowing Bully to pull a confused look before running away. This ends Impact.
I am not a fan of the Hogan’s involvement in all the main storylines, but I’m used to it. I guess the story here is that Brooke is still in love with Bully despite him being a dick, and she will probably align with him down the line. Maybe if one of them could act, I would feel differently, but it’s awful. It was good seeing Taeler Hendrix too, and not just because I think she is ridiculously hot, but because the gut check winners should be used better. Mickie’s heel turn is fun to watch too. Overall, the episode wasn’t terrible, and it advanced some storylines. Does anyone miss Keneley yet?
That’s it for me this week. I’ll see you tomorrow for Headlines. I’ll be solo, because Mike is lame and has “work”. Loser. Until then, that’s all I got.
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