Welcome Internet friends! It’s your boy Fozzie here with this week’s Impact review. I hope you are as excited to read it as I am to write it. This week is Destination X, which used to be one of their better PPVs, but since they have no idea how to things correctly, it’s now a free show. I’m cool with it though. Let’s get in with this thing, shall we?
Impact opens with nine X-division wrestlers who Jeremy Borash says hopes to follow in Chris Sabin’s footsteps and challenge for the world title next year. Then we get a really nice video package of Chris Sabin which transitions into a video package for the Main Event tonight. It really was well done.
In the arena, we are welcomed Mike Tenay and Borash. No Taz tonight, it seems. My ears and mental facilities thank you for this. We then get the Aces and Eights music, and out comes the world champion, Bully Ray. Bully says that all he’s been hearing all week is everyone talking about some kid named Chris Sabin. Loud Sabin chants from the crowd. Bully says that it’s the perfect night for him to beat Chris Sabin, and for A&E to take out the Main Event Mafia. He then says there is one thing left to do, and that’s to talk to Brooke. He calls out his “wife.”
Brooke Hogan comes out and she’s calling Bully by his real name. Ugh. She tells “Mark” that she’s moving on and he should let go. Bully tells her that she move on when he says she moves on. That cues Daddy Hogan to come to the ring. He tells Bully that enough is enough and that it ends tonight. Hogan says that Bully has “raped and pillaged this company and my family.” Really, a rape reference about your daughter? Stay Classy. Bully says that he will never lose the world title and there’s nothing Hogan can do about it. Kurt Angle appears on the screen. The rest of MEM flanks him with Rampage pacing in the background. Angle says that the MEM will make sure that the main event will be a fair fight. Sting says that they are going to find out tonight if his brotherhood is stronger than Sting’s family.
They show a clip of Destination –X last year when Aries defeated Bobby Roode for the title. Then they have a backstage interview with Roode about that match, and he says that one word comes to mind: fluke.
After a commercial, we have our first match.
Awesome Aries vs. Bobby Roode
As much as I love The Dirty Heels (copyright Christopher Daniels) s a team, I think I love them more when they are fighting each other. This match was nothing short of fantastic. It was a really good back and forth, with neither man really having an advantage. Aries picked up the win with his brainbuster after a series of reversals. Well paced and exciting match.
Post match, Roode destroyed some chairs and a computer monitor in frustration. He has no points in the BFG series, so that is the reason he’s mad.
Backstage, it’s and LAX reunion, as Homicide and Hernandez are talking. Chavo appears and says he was a big fan of LAX. Homicide leaves. Chavo says that he’s going to win the X-Division title and Hernandez will win the BFG series, so next year it will be Hernandez vs. Chavo for the World Title. I never knew Chavo was so funny.
After a commercial, new VP of A&E Anderson is rallying the troops. They write the recently released DOC out by saying that he was distraught after the vote last week, so he turned in his cut. He then asks the rest if they know what they are doing. It’s funny that Junior Bischoff says that he knows what he is doing. I guess lying runs in the family. Then we have our next match.
Match 2: Homicide vs. Petey Williams vs. Sonjay Dutt
It is announced that the winners of the three X-Division matches tonight will meet in an Ultimate X match next week to crown a new champion. The match wasn’t that long, but there was a scary moment as Petey Williams landed wrong after Homicide hit his Gringo Killer finisher. It looked bad, and the ref threw out the “X” hand signal. Dutt picked up the win shortly after by hitting a moonsault double stomp. That move looks sick. The man Tenay calls the “best X-Division wrestler to never hold the X-Division title” moves on to Ultimate X next week.
We have a commercial, then our next match.
Match 3: Kenny King vs. Chavo vs. Manik
You know how sometimes you get an X-Division match that flows nicely, but sometimes you get one that seems like they are just there to set up cool looking moves to no-sell? Well, guess which one this is. Manik wins after a double underhook gut buster on Kenny King. He’s in the Ultimate X match next week.
Backstage, Sting is with MEM and he tells them that tonight is the reason they got together. Sting says that they will take out A&E while Rampage says he wants to knock someone out.
After a commercial, we have another Sabin video. It cuts to a shot of Sabin in deep thought. Hogan appears to wish Sabin luck. Hogan tells Sabin that win or lose, make sure they remember you. He tells Sabin to bring the title home to TNA.
The MEM makes their way to the ring. Is it weird that this is the second time during the review that I forgot what Sting said? Before, I had to rewind back to get it again. I don’t want to do that again. Angle says that the fight tonight will be the most brutal fight they could imagine. Magnus says that MEM is ready. He says the crowd is ready. Then he tells the crowd to suck it. Or not. A&E appears on the screen. Anderson says that they aren’t coming out there, but tells MEM to come backstage and find them. Samoa Joe says they are going backstage to drink their drinks and kick their ass. They go backstage, but they are baited into a trap and Bully Ray attacks Angle and throws him into the back of a truck.
After a commercial, Short Attention Span Theater returns to recap the kidnapping of Kurt Angle. Then we have our next match.
Match 4: Rubix vs. Rockstar Spud vs. Greg Marasciulo
Marasciulo is the artist formerly known as Trent Baretta. I just realized that they grouped the three matches as old school, current stars, and the new faces. Pretty interesting. This match was the opposite of the previous match, as they had a better flow to it. Marasciulo won with a very unique finisher. He grabbed Rockstar Spud like he was going for the Alabama Slam, but instead hooked the legs and dropped him straight down and into a pin. Next week it’s going to be Dutt vs. Manik vs. Marasciulo in Ultimate X for the X-division title.
Backstage, Bully Ray is on the phone with the secret driver of the truck. He says that Angle had terror on his face. Bully told the driver that to take Angle to “the spot” and to do it “mafia style” and make Angle an offer he won’t refuse. He also implied that Rampage knocked out Wes Brisco. Good for him.
In the ring, Mickie James is cutting a promo about what happened last week that set the standard for women in the industry. She was talking about her concert in Nashville, not the Ladder match. She puts herself over as the greatest, and Gail Kim comes down. She says that nobody was talking about her concert; they were all talking about the Ladder Match. Mickie says that the match was a solid two, but her performance was a solid five. She counts to five on her fingers and swings at Gail. Gail ducks, and then we have a CATFIGHT WITH CAUSE! No? Ok. The referees eventually break up the fight, which is one of the better brawls I’ve seen in a while. I’m glad that Mickie and Gail are in this program. They bring out the best in each other.
Backstage, Aries approaches Sabin. Aries says he is the reason, Sabin is here tonight. He says that he is the standard bearer for greatness in TNA, and that he knows Sabin is capable of being great. Aries says that he beat Bully, and Sabin beat Aries, so Sabin has a chance to finish the equation tonight. He says that he’s pulling for Sabin tonight.
After a commercial, AJ Styles is on a dark staircase. He says that the X-Division reminds him of himself, because he’s been there and done that. He says that next week he fights Jeff Hardy in a BFG series match.
We cut to Tenay and Borash, who set the stage for the main event match. They actually did a good job. That’s my way of saying I don’t miss Taz on commentary.
Match 5: Bully Ray vs. Chris Sabin for the World Heavyweight Title.
Usually, this is the space where I write a brief view of the match and tell you the finish, but holy hell this match was shit. It was basically a squash match that had a ref bump, interference from MEM and A&E, and an illegally used hammer. When I came home from work on Thursday, I saw a spoiler on Facebook that Sabin won the title. I was excited to see the match and the moment that he was crowned champ. When I started watching the show, and I saw how the crowd was reacting, I was expecting a shining moment at the end. But this match was garbage. They basically booked Sabin to get lucky. Last year Roode and Aries had an outstanding match for the World Title. When Aries hot the brain buster on Roode, the crowd went nuts. Maybe I was wrong to expect a similar moment, but to see Sabin resort to winning after hitting Bully in the head with a hammer was ridiculous. I know that they were trying to tell the whole “die by the sword” story, but come on. Sabin deserved better than this. Sabin needed to pick up Bully for his Hail Sabin finisher, and win the belt cleanly. But the booking department decided that logic and fan reaction doesn’t matter, and that we can all eat a dick. I really would like to see Sabin end up having a glorious run at the top, but I have this sneaking suspicion that he’s going to lose the belt shortly, and that would not surprise me. This match left a bad taste in my mouth.
What do you think? Ugh.
Until Headlines, that’s all I got.
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