Look in the doubt we've wallowed
Look at the leaders we've followed
Look at the lies we've swallowed
And I don't want to hear no more – “Civil War” by Guns ‘n’ Roses
Welcome to this week’s WTF! I’m glad you’ve decided to join me this week, as I am going to try a new way to review the show. Instead of by normal break down of matches and segments, I am going to try a stream of consciousness type of deal, where I just write what comes to mind as I watch the show. I’ll still have the rating for the show, but not sure how it will affect how I review the matches. If this something you guys like, I will keep it, but if he old formula is better, then I will stick with that. Just let me know what you think in the comments. Are we ready? Well, let’s go then shall we?
I don’t know how to feel about the beginning narration. On the one hand, it’s good to keep the stories fresh in the minds of the viewer, but on the other hand, if there is no follow through on what the narrator is talking about, then what’s the point?
Oh look, it’s Shaq on Impact. Great. I wonder how many mid-carders are left off the show so they could pay Shaq his appearance fee.
Oh, damn. Hogan makes me want to stab my eyes out with kitchen shears. (Hi Susan Frank!) His way of talking is so antiquated; it’s like watching “West Side Story” only it has old wrestlers instead of young teens.
Shaq has Hogan’s back tonight? I guess Shaq is a Jet for life.
AJ Styles and Kurt Angle as a tag team? Sign me up for that. Angle can use this time to heel his leg.
Has Kurt Angle never heard of a triple threat? I mean I’m cool with Angle calling out Chavo and Hernandez, but I think a three-way match between the three teams would be fun.
This is where I tell you guys how much I dislike Chavo. I’m prepared for the backlash.
As much shit as I give Chavo, I am willing to admit that he can really put on a good match with t he right opponent. Just never let him speak. Or reference Eddie.
Hernandez is going to accidentally kill someone one day. Just because you can through a 200-pound man thirty feet doesn’t meant you have to.
Tenay just said that Dixie broke news on twitter about Impact staying live, but didn’t tell us when the deal ends. The run ends in December, and I hope that they can continue with the decent shows.
I am so glad that Kaz, Daniels, and AJ have moved on from Claire Lynch. That name will be right up there with Katie Vick and Beaver Cleavage for embarrassing storylines.
Open Fight Night is a good idea. It’s something WWE could steal. (Hi Uncle Vince!)
Kurt Angle throws some beautiful suplexes. Now if only we can stop all announcers from calling them “throws.”
Holy Shit! I think Hernandez killed AJ with that move.
You know what I just said about calling suplexes “throws”? That goes double for “The Human Suplex Machine,” ok?
Kaz and Daniels interfere? Yeah, you have a triple threat brewing.
The match was pretty good, despite the interference, but that was expected.
Every time I hear Hogan’s music hit, I can’t help but think about a little kid that makes noise just for attention.
I swear, Hogan referencing Jay-Z is as ridiculous as CM Punk dong a commercial for Absolut.
Hey look, it’s the triple threat! Wow I did not see that coming. *Looks back up at my review so far. Oh, never mind.
Why is Jason Hervey asking Al Snow about his hair? No one cares.
The Gut Check Challenge would mean something if the talent they signed actually competed on Impact. Oh hey Shaq. Damn, what was I saying?
Al Snow reads my reviews. At least that’s what I tell myself at night.
Hogan is funny. Not intentionally, mind you, but in the “Holy crap, does he really think people are buying his acting skills?” kind of way.
I like the BFG memories segments. This is what makes BFG seem like a big show.
So the Gut Check guy has been wrestling five years and is only 18? Ok, I’ll bite.
Yay! Dixie is on my TV again! Oh look, there’s the fuck I don’t give.
I like using Doug Williams as the opponent for the Gut Check competitor. He can be useful this way.
If this kid doesn’t win his contract, he’ll have a bright future here.
Markopoulos? I wonder if Canton is a fan.
The kid is pretty good at getting his ass kicked, but I would love to see his offense. I would vote yes. He’s already better than Bischoff, Jr.
Williams’ submission was unique. I would have booked an upset victory here though. That would be a first.
James Storm has lost something recently. I can’t put my finger on it though. Still a reason to watch Impact though.
Booby Roode vs. James Storm is a money match and should be for the World Title. Don’t get me wrong; at the time I was all for Aries’ victory, but as champ, he seems lost in the shuffle. He should be the focus every week, and yet here we are at the end of the first hour, and he hasn’t shown his face yet.
Storm has that “tough country boy” shtick down pat, huh?
I think Storm is drunk.
Roode’s heel run is fun, and he plays an asshole really well, but man I miss Beer Money.
This is the first time someone hasn’t shown up ready to fight for Open Fight Night.
Roode is fantastic here. His new character is the perfect combination of asshole and coward that you just want to punch in the face.
Hogan lays down the law in a fair way. If Roode gets the night off, he gets the year off.
Did Hogan just say “Three Minutes?” (RIP Umaga)
Hogan could have just said “You have until the commercial break is over.” Same thing.
Storm hitting Roode with a shoe is kind of WCW-ish, isn’t it?
I wouldn’t book a clean finish here. They need to makes us pay for Storm’s victory.
I met the Hebners. Nice guys, but I wouldn’t want them refereeing an eating contest the way they work.
According to Tenay, they have been fighting on the outside for “95%” of the match. Where’s the countout?
Just throw the match out, and make this a BRAWL FOR NO REASON!
And as I was typing that, it happens.
While they fight, let’s update with TNA news. They released Mark Haskins. Yeah, I know, THAT Mark Haskins.
TNA really needs to stop using extras in their backstage segments. Hogan’s acting is bad enough.
How does Aces and Eights have Hogan’s cell number?
I swear this is leading to Abyss being the leader of A&E.
That being said, Jeff Jarrett is rumored to be involved, and I’ll be an angry Muppet if that’s the case.
One hour and fifteen minutes later, here’s Aries.
Aries is really Awesome. He makes sure he gets to the little things that may not seem important.
I’m a mindless Aries sheep.
I want to go cougar hunting for Tara. Is that wrong?
Hey Vince, don’t look now, but it’s a women’s wrestler with a character.
Hmm. She has a new boyfriend from Hollywood. If it’s Goldust, I riot. (Not really.)
Tara calling out Hemme = awesome heel heat.
Assmacher vs. Tara could benefit Mrs. Ass a lot.
Why didn’t Hogan make Christy Hemme wrestle? Continuity please!
Brooke Hogan inherited her dad’s chin and his acting ability, neither of which is a compliment.
Why wait for next week for punishment? Stupid Hogans! Logic is for kids!
I legit laughed at the line “RVD has a lot of memories.” Smoking as much pot as he does, one has to wonder when he starts talking about that time he and his dog, Sabu-Doo ran around solving mysteries with their hippie friends.
Holy shit. They remembered the TV title. I don’t know who is fighting for it, but if Magnus wins it, I want Hogan to mention me on TV, because it will be obvious he reads my work.
Hogan: “I’m going to spray paint everyone ‘TNA Dead” in here” Booker T: “What da Hayull?
A&E is holding Joseph Park hostage? Wonder what that’s leading up to.
If Abyss is revealed as the leader of A&E (working for Jarrett) can we get the hash tag #Fozziesagenius trending?
Come to the Aces &Eights Clubhouse, where lawyers are caged and beat with hammers. Can’t blame them for that.
I love these “Short Attention Span Theater” replays. Because we all get hit with hammers and need to be reminded of what just happened.
You can hate Jeff Hardy all you want, but I think he deserves his redemption shot, as he calls it, because that shows that he has finally learned from his mistakes.
Austin “Awesome” Aries, your World Champion, is in an unadvertised match on Impact? Yeah, that’ll put butts in seats. Or eyes on TV. Whatever.
Ok. Aries vs. Bully Ray? I’m down.
I watched an old clip of Bully Ray from his days in ECW, and I have to admit, this is the best shape he’s ever been in. His character is fantastic too. Kudos to TNA for rewarding him for that.
I love how Bully rips the fans. I was at a show where he threatened to punch an eight-year old girl in the face. He’s an amazing heel.
I like the big vs. little dynamic that this match brings. Aries loves to prove people wrong.
And we’re back from commercial. And we’re out again….
Tenay is an awful commentator. Having Taz beside him doesn’t help. They’re like an unfunny King and Cole. Think about that.
When Bully Ray started out in this gimmick, I hated it, but he has done so much with it, that it’s become one of my favorite parts of the show. How long until he starts getting “respect” pops though?
A ref bump? Nooooooo…..
Earl Hebner knows how to screw a World Champion, huh? First Hogan, then Bret, and now Aries. Okay, maybe this isn’t a screw job ending, but whatever. It’s my column, suckers.
There’s not going to be a three-way for the World Title is there?
I love the Aries/Hardy mesh. They are going to have a fantastic match that I would really love seeing live.
Ok, that’s the show for this week. I found it to be above average, with only the Hogan segments really being the downfall, but even they weren’t too bad. I liked the setup for BFG as well; it’s really starting to feel like their biggest show of the year. You got Aries/Hardy, Roode/Storm, Daniels and Kaz/AJ and Kurt/Chavo and Hernandez, Tara/Mrs. Ass already booked with the probable reveal of the A&E leader. (seriously, how long can this last?)I wonder what they do with Bully Ray. He needs a match on the show. I hope he doesn’t get involved in the main event, but as of this writing, that makes the most sense. This is the way TNA should book all their PPVs.
Overall, I will give this show a 6.5/10
What did you guys think of the new format? Is it a keeper, or should I go back to the old way? Vote now and you could receive a guaranteed* front row ticket to Wrestlemania!
*not a guarantee
Thanks for reading. I’ll see you on Tuesday with “The Midwestern Connection” Mike Aires for Headlines, and on Wednesday I have Commentfest duties. Wunderbar!