WTF! TNA Impact Wrestling 02/09/12By Marc B.
Here we are, another episode of Impact from Jolly old England. Last week’s episode was really good, so let’s see if they can continue with that trend.They open with a video package highlighting last week and they splice in footage from the Star Wars movies. Yes, that’s right. It was as cheesy as you think it was. After the video, we are joined by Bully Ray.<!--more-->Bully Ray is pissed. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone but Bobby Roode. The Champ comes out and Bully yells at him. Bully wants to know why Roode didn’t have his back last week, after all the times Bully had his. Roode said that he was the man that Bully trained and traveled with, and he always has Bully’s back. Good old Bobby says that the man he should be mad at is Sting. On cue, Sting’s music hits. It’s like this shit is planned out.Sting comes out and says that he was talking to his good friend Teddy Long and decided to make a tag match for tonight: Bully Ray and Bobby Roode vs. James Storm and The Insane Icon, Sting. He then gives his “ta ta for now” line that is surprisingly over with the fans. Sting is wrestling? Come on man, that shit ain’t right.They cut to the back to show Hogan arriving with Garett Bischoff. Well, this just went from bad to worse really quick, huh?After a commercial, they show a video package highlighting the most recent chapter in the AJ Styles/Daniels feud. Then we have our first match.Match 1: AJ Styles vs. DanielsThis is about the 1,237th time they have wrestled each other, and while they give good performances, they need to move on already. Kaz is at ringside, of course, as he is in the corner of Daniels for whatever reason. I wonder if he will be involved in the finish. The match was standard fare between these two guys and neither guy really kicked it up a notch. The ending came when Daniels hit Styles with brass knuckles that Kaz reluctantly gave back to Daniels after he reluctantly took them from Daniels earlier in the match. Confused? Welcome to TNA folks! Daniels then picked up the easy pin. Not their best match, to say the least.Match Rating: **They show Eric Bischoff in the back talking to Gunner. They plot to take Hogan out, one knee cap at a time. It was awful. It doesn’t bode well for my sanity to see this.After a commercial, we are joined by Samoa Joe and Magnus. The crowd is hot for them. Magnus is on the mic first. He cuts a really good promo about being back home in England. He said that when his name was pulled to team with Joe for the wild card tournament, no one thought they would last. Well, they did, and at Against All Odds, they will defeat Crimson and Morgan for the Tag titles. Out comes the tag champs. Morgan says that the time for talking is over, and they start brawling. No, it’s not a BRAWL FOR NO REASON! It goes about 30 seconds before Joe and Magnus bail to the floor. Good segment and I was really surprised at Magnus’ promo. I had no idea he even knew had to form a sentence, so this was a pleasant surprise. We then cut to commercial.After a commercial, we have our next match.Match 2: Alex Shelley vs. Douglas Williams vs. Austin AriesWell, I’m excited for this. I am a fan of the X division, and these guys can put on a good match if they get enough time. The bad news is that they only got five minutes. The good news is that was enough time. It was good for what it was, and of course you know I wish that these X-division guys were given at least ten minutes. That should be a minimum. Someone tweet that to Dixie. Shelley picked up the win after hitting his Sliced Bread #2 move on Aries. Quote of the match? Taz: “He kicked Williams right in the nuts.” So much for yam bags.Match Rating: ** ½ After a commercial, Hogan is talking to Garett Bischoff. Ok, I’m bored. Oh look, Sting is here! Hogan thanks Sting for turning him back to the light. They verbally suck each other off for a few minutes, with Hogan saying he has Sting’s back and yadda yadda yadda, before Hogan notices the camera guy and throws him out. Really? It took you five minutes to notice a six foot tall camera man holding a television camera? It’s official, Hogan has gone blind.After a commercial, they show Gail Kim beating up Tara outside the Wembley Arena. Not much of anything there, but Tara did look hot in those tight jeans.Then they cut to some of Hogan’s nonsensical promo from last week. Then we are joined by Hogan and Garett Bischoff.Hogan talks about how great it is to be back in England, and that Hulkamania will live forever, and then he asks the fans to give their love for him to Garett. The crowd pops huge! No wait, the canned cheers popped huge. The crowd booed. You can actually hear it under the canned noise. That is typical TNA for you. They are trying to get over a man that the fans hate, and they have to use their cheap editing tricks to do it. It means stop the Garett push. Now. Papa Bisch come out with Gunner. He and Hogan have a nice boring talk until Hogan announces that it is going to be Gunner vs. Garett and Gunner attacks Baby Bisch. Now we have a BRAWL FOR NO REASON!! Well, kind of. I think I just wanted to type that. There are actually a lot of things I want to do besides watch this train wreck of a segment. I think I’ll space out until Hogan and G-Bisch eventually take over and send the heels packing…….. And there we are! Commercial break time.Back from the break they air a trailer for Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace in 3D. Seriously?Backstage, Bully Ray and Roode are talking. He says that Roode is in the read, and that Bully Ray is a mushroom cloud laying motherfucker. Or something similar. They are still arguing but of course Roode wants to hug it out, which they do, but then Bully whispers “three days” into Roode’s ear as they break the embrace. That worries Roode.Then we have our next match.Match 3: Mickie James vs. Velvet SkyUm, ok. While I am always glad to see Velvet and Mickie, I have no idea why they had a match. There were no backstage segments or hype. I guess it’s just “hot women wrestling” time. I approve. Maybe they will make out. Things are like that in England, right? Well, I don’t get my kiss, but Velvet wins, so I’m ok with that.Match Rating: *After a commercial, they air a video package about their tour of the UK. It was ok. I think they should travel more.After that, they show a video package of each of the men in the main event of AAO.I would find this video if I were you. It is really well done. Oops, Roode said he won the title on the first of November. That was a Tuesday, fella. But it’s a minor gripe. The video was really good. If I can find it, I’ll post it for you.Then they cut to Sting and Storm who put each other over and say they are ready for their match.Match 4: Bully Ray/Bobby Roode vs. James Storm/StingI think that Sting is only in this match because it will probably be his last time in London, so I have no problems with it really. I also think that he goes over, and I may have a problem with that, but I’ll see how it goes down. Hey look, a commercial in the main event. That’s unique. The crowd is very hot for almost everything that is happening, and it makes the match better. I will expand on that thought a bit later. There is an interesting moment when Bully grabs his chain and yells at the referee that he doesn’t care what he says. Little things like that make a character better. And Taz is at it again. After a groin shot to Bully Ray, Taz yells “My Nuts!” Don’t know why I am bringing that up, but I am. It’s funny. Okay, so now we have the finish. Sting has Bobby Roode in the Sharp---err Scorpion Leg Lock. Roode is calling for Bully Ray to hit Sting with the belt. Bully hesitates, then tells Roode that he will see him in three days and bails as Roode taps to Sting. Interesting finish. It furthers the story that Roode can’t win without cheating, but he had to tap to Sting, which, at this point, is not a good thing. Sting is 50+. He should not go over the world champ cleanly. That being said, things are a bit different in this case because like I said before, this was probably Sting’s last hurrah in England, and they wanted to send the fans home happy. I’m bittersweet on the ending, but I’m not going to complain that much.Match Rating **Final Analysis:Not a bad episode, but far from a great one. Nothing really stood out, except for the crowd, which proves that they can make a bad show better. They were vocal about everything, even cheering for the heels Joe and Magnus, and booing The Mega Towers. And that makes that me a little upset, because if they didn’t care about that, then why would they block out the booing of Baby Bischoff? It’s because they want Garett over as a face, but the fans want him over a cliff. He’s bland and has no charisma. Now, that being said, he really hasn’t had a lot of matches to compare, so we will see about that. I just don’t think that Gunner is the way to go. That match has nothing but bad written all over it. I would rather pick out socks.Overall Rating 5/10Well, that’s all for this week. See you Tuesday for Headlines with The Doctor of No Style, Mike Aires! Do you have any Questions or Comments? Please email me at email@example.com
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