Welcome to a very special edition of WTF! Why is it so special, well, this marks the one year anniversary of yours truly covering TNA wrestling for this site. It’s been a fun time, and I can truly say that I enjoy my job here. I am a fan of wrestling, and I will take the good with the bad. I want to thank all of you that read this every week, and help make this column the #1 column on this site that is written by a guy who is nicknamed after a Muppet. I love you all, even the haters. Without you guys, I couldn’t feel better about myself. That’s enough rambling from me. Let’s do this thing already! <!--more-->Impact opens with the traditional video package, this time it is all about the Sting/Roode feud. In case you don’t know, they are fighting in the main event of Victory Road. I’m pretty sure it’s non-title, because they already booked Roode/Storm for Lockdown, but with TNA, you never can tell. Bobby Roode should get the win there, because Old Man Borden winning a match is as counterproductive as Rob Terry winning a match.After the video package, Kurt Angle is laughing maniacally over-the-top. He has cue cards to let the fans know the reasons he hates Jeff Hardy, and he is coming out to the ring to let us know what they are. This should be good.Angle comes out and they show Angle attacking Hardy a couple of weeks ago. Angle starts reading his list. Angle hates Jeff’s long colorful hair, he hates that Jeff wears “freaking socks on his freaking arms.” I legit laughed at this. Angle also said that he hates that Jeff takes fans away from him at signings, and that women love Jeff more. The women in the crowd scream, and Angle tells them to shut up. That was funny. But, Angle says that the #1 reason he hates Hardy is that despite the fact that Angle has 100 posters or 100 action figures, his son Cody has a Jeff Hardy poster on his wall, and Jeff hardy action figures on his floor. And when Angle goes to his son goodnight, he has makeup on his face, purple hair, and “freaking socks on his arms.” That was hilarious. Angle then calls out Hardy. The Rehabbed Enigma comes out and Angle says the only way they can settle their differences is to fight at Victory Road. Hardy thinks for a minute, and then spears Angle, which leads to a BRAWL FOR NO REASON!! What a great anniversary gift from them to me. After they get separated, Hardy accepts the match.Backstage, Bobby Roode wants to remind us that he is the “it factor” of TNA and that he is the World Heavyweight Champion, and Sting is past his prime. He says it’s shameful that Sting has to try and steal the spotlight. Oh, shit! Here comes Austin Aries! He says that he agreed with Roode about Sting stealing Roode’s spotlight, while keeping Aries out of his. Aries is upset that he has not seen a main event in the X-division. Roode asks if Aries has five minutes to talk. Aries says he will give him ten. They walk off. Oh man, if this leads to an Austin Aries main event push, sign me the fuck up. I’m excited to see this. Please don’t let me down TNA.After a commercial, we have our first match.Match 1: Daniels/Kazarian vs. AJ Styles in a Gauntlet MatchBefore the match, Styles says that he couldn’t care less about either one of them, but Styles says that if he wins, he wants to know why Kazarian is Daniels lackey. Daniels starts to turn down the offer, but Kazarian grabs the mic and agrees to the stipulation. Daniels starts the match. The match goes a couple of minutes before a commercial. I’m seriously annoyed at commercials during a match. It’s ok if the match is 20+ minutes, but when you have a five minute match, please let me see the whole five minutes. After the commercial, Daniels and AJ wrestle for about a minute before Kazarian comes in and hits his “Fade to Black” finisher. It’s a reverse Tombstone, where Kazarian hangs his opponent behind him before dropping him on his head. It’s a sick looking move. Anyway, that DQ’d Daniels, and Kazarian immediately picked up the win. The match left me with an empty feeling, like there was something missing. I wish they would all move on to other storylines.Match Rating: **Backstage, Madison Rayne is hanging up pictures of Gail Kim. Gail comes in and likes what she sees. Gail tells Madison that she booked them at a spa for the next day, but tonight she got Madison a match against ODB. Madison didn’t like that.After a commercial (there seems to be a lot of these) we have our next match.Match 2: ODB vs. Madison RayneWhat can I say about this match? Umm, it ended quickly? Yeah ok, that sounds good, I’ll go with that. ODB wins after Gail tried to interfere, but conveniently dropped the title belt she was going to use to hit ODB. Oh, and can someone please tell Taz that calling ODB ugly is dumb, and he should know better. Be a Star, Taz.Match Rating *Backstage, Bully Ray is yelling at some random girl about his troubles with James Storm. Roode and Aries walk up. Roode says that Bully Ray getting choke slammed by Brandon Jacobs was really embarrassing for Bully. Roode then proposed that Bully join up with Aries and Roode. He left with them. I’m really interested.They cut to Velvet Sky mid-promo, yelling about being screwed again, and she is attacked by Sarita and Angelina Love. They go to commercial.After a commercial, they use the “earlier today” graphic to show what happened to Velvet. Apparently, she is mad about being screwed by Madison Rayne in the battle royal a couple of weeks ago. According to Velvet, Madison “inadvertently” entered herself in the battle royal. Umm, that’s impossible to do Velvet. From there they show the rest of the attack, which included a save by Mickie James and some bad acting by Velvet. I was so dumbfounded by this segment; I couldn’t get excited for the BRAWL FOR NO REASON! Thanks ladies.Then they cut to Ric Flair, Eric Bischoff, and Gunner who are talking to Garett Bischoff. Flair, who is just terrible right now, goes on about warning Garett about coming back here, or something else that sounded like it came from a 1950’s musical. I’m so sick of this fucking Bischoff story. Enough already please. He is NOT getting over with the fans, and he does NOT deserve to be in the spot that he is in. I don’t care that what kind of background he has, he’s generic right now. He is only on screen because his father is a failed promoter that somehow thinks he should have more power than he deserves, only because he helped a company succeed 16 years ago. He forgets that he helped put that company to its sad end a mere 5 years later, though. Dixie, if you are reading, and I hope that you are, but you probably aren’t, please get rid of Bischoff and Hogan. You started to clean house by letting Russo go, please continue the trend. But if you want to continue working with someone who has no idea what they are doing, please contact me. I don’t know how to book a show, or how to work in television, but I think I could help. Think about it.After a commercial, Roode, Bully, and Aries are all in the ring. Roode says that Sting is nothing more than authority figure, and he won’t be wrestling Sting at Victory Road, because Roode is “done.” Bully gets on the mic next and blames Sting for what happened with Brandon Jacobs. He says that he and his calves are “done.” Aries is on the mic next. He says that he has beaten everyone that Sting put in front of him, and yet he has no main events. He too, is “done.” They arrange a sit-in. The lights go out and Sting magically appears in the ring. He wants to know if they truly are done, because if they are then Roode and Aries will have to be stripped of their titles and Bully couldn’t get paid, because they won’t have jobs. The heels react accordingly and retract what they said. Sting says that Aries is right, he has never been in a main event, but he will tonight, when he teams up with Roode and Bully to take on the tag champs, Magnus and “Joe’s gonna kill you” and their partner, James Storm. After a “Ta-ta for know,” the lights go off again and Sting disappears. I wish he would stay gone.After yet another commercial, they show another Jesse Sorensen video. Man these things are sad as fuck. I appreciate what they are trying to accomplish, but if I never see one again, I’ll be happy.After the video, they show Zema Ion who cut a promo saying he’s remorseless about Sorensen’s injury. You know what? Fuck this. This is a really serious injury. It’s not a broken arm, or a busted shoulder, it’s a BROKEN FUCKING NECK! Sorensen could have died. To have him come out and say what he did is just fucking tasteless. Did Sorensen agree to have it turned into a work? Probably. Does it make it ok? Absolutely not. Zema Ion should have come out and said that he felt bad for what happened to Jesse, but he’s not going to change his style. When you break someone’s neck, you should feel bad about it, TV be damned. It’s life changing. You don’t have to believe me, just ask D’Lo Brown. After that, we have our next match.Match 3: Zema Ion vs. Shannon MooreIt was a typical X-division television match. It was only a few minutes, and nothing exciting happened. Yay. Ion won, in case you were wondering.Match Rating: *After a commercial, we have our next match.Match 4: Mickie James/Velvet Sky vs. Angelina Love/SaritaTenay mentions that this is a new union between Love and Sarita, so maybe they will be a team moving forward. My question is, what happened to Rosita and Winter? I love how TNA just picks who they want to use for a set of tapings. It’s like a big FU to those who become invested in a certain character, only for them to be off TV for a month. Anyway, the match is not that bad. I like when the women can actually wrestle. However, it’s short like all the rest of the matches, and gives you no time to settle down before it’s over. Velvet pinned Angelina for the win. At least they’re hot.Match Rating: **Backstage, Storm, Magnus and Joe is Gonna Kill You are backstage. Storm says he is ready for Lockdown, but tonight he’s ready for a fight. Magnus said that they are not a natural team, as you have one guy from Tennessee, one from England, and one from Samoa, but it doesn’t matter because they are here to fight for Sting. How noble of them. Joe said nothing.After a commercial, Tenay said that TNA wrestling received a letter from the family of Abyss, wondering about his disappearance. They showed a video package highlighting the last time we saw Abyss on Impact Wrestling. Hey, I know where Abyss is. He’s in India in the Ring Ka King promotion, which is covered here on The John Report by that guy who has a name that’s a hundred points in Scrabble. I’ll call him Sid
. If TNA really wants to solve a mystery, find out what the fuck happened to Mr. Anderson. He’s been gone since last year. I guess his family doesn’t miss him. I don’t blame them. Next up is our main event.Match 5: Austin Aries/Bobby Roode/Bully Ray vs. James Storm/Magnus/Joe Is Gonna Kill YouI’m so happy that the main event features new faces. It’s about time. TNA seems to be getting it. Oh look, a commercial after two minutes. I guess I was wrong. After the break, we have a pretty good match. I am very impressed by the fluidity of the Magnus/Joe team. It’s like they have been teaming for years, instead of months. The need a name though. So here’s where I ask you guys to help me name the Magnus/Joe team. Good luck. The match turned out to be the best part of the show. There were a couple of missteps, but it sure was entertaining. The finish was great with the “everyone hits a finisher” bit, and ended up with Storm hitting his “Closing Time” move, which is a Codebreaker, and then hitting the Last Call superkick on Roode. He picks up the victory. Aries bumped well for the big guys as well, this guy is a star.Match Rating: ***Post match, Bully attacked the face team and stood over Storm saying that Bully is the #1 contender. He says he will take out Storm, then take his “good friend” Bobby Roode’s title. I guess they fight at Victory Road.Final Analysis:This was not a great show, except for the main event, which really stood out. The rest of the show felt like filler material, and it wasn’t that great either. I was bored a lot, and there were way too many commercial breaks, or at least it felt that way. They are showing flashes of getting better, but they need to work on their production a bit more. I know I didn’t mention this earlier, but they had a new intro video. That was cool. They have a long way to go (still) but I think they are on the right track.Overall Rating: 3/10Again, I want to thank you all for making this a fun year for me. I really appreciate all the feedback and I look forward to another fun-filled year. Thanks for reading!I’ll see you on Tuesday, when I carry Mike Aires through another edition on Headlines.Do you have any Questions or Comments? Please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
, or you can follow me on Twitter @FozzieMB.